Me Chinese. Me play joke…
Hear ye!! Hear ye!! I, King Marmoset, shall now discuss what it’s like being a "body builder" (I use that term very loosely in my case) out and about in the world. Basically, what’s it’s like to be completely out of your routine in a strange land. If you’ve travelled before feel free to point out where I’ve misspoken and to call me an idiot. If you haven’t traveled then still feel free to call me an idiot.
Gyms - Just about every hotel has a "fitness room". The web sites always show what looks to be a spacious modern gym. Oh, how this can be such a damn lie! Really, you never know what you are going to get until you get there. Thus far, I’ve had one gym that was just a machine and a treadmill and another gym that was absolutely super-pimped out. You just have to adapt. Yes, I have resorted to lifting furniture in my hotel room before. Curling a chair isn’t quite the same as a nice EZ bar. Although, I find that squatting the mini-bar really sculpts the buttocks.
Also, as far as gym etiquette goes, it’s the same everywhere I’ve been. You can’t work out in your underwear in America and you sadly can’t do it abroad either. The most I can seem to get away with in Russia is doing the treadmill with my pants around my ankles. The gym managers seems to begrudgingly accepting of this.
Food - HA!! Do you think it’s even remotely possible to eat clean healthy foods in a place where you can not speak the language and you can’t even read a freaking menu? When you come to a place that is super alien you just do what you can to get a good meal once in awhile. If I find a place that has a buffet I’ll abuse it in a habitual and systematic fashion. It’s just a fact that you’ll probably end up eating something that isn’t part of a clean diet while you are away. Just eat it and move on.
Hydration - A lot of places outside of America don’t drink water like we do. Often times, you can spot an American in a foreign country because they are lugging a huge bottle of water around. Thus, I find it hard to stay hydrated on trips like this one. If you get water at dinner it’s generally an 8 oz bottle. I usually drink about 40 ounces of water at a meal. I roll a 40 ouncer no matter what I’m drinking.
Also, if you are buying water in other countries there are two types of water - gas and still! Gas if friggin’ carbonated water. If you don’t specify what kind so water you want you’ll probably be getting gas water. Feel free to now make your own "gas in water" jokes.
Supplements - It’s shockingly hard to pack Super Pump, a 5 lbs tub of protein, and all the vitamins and crap a person takes in a day along with regular luggage. Thus, you have to accept some supplement free time while you are gone. And, if you think bringing powdered supps in plastic bags is a good idea to some countries think again! Yeah, I can picture trying to explain to the Russians what the powder in clear unmarked bags is. Of course, I’m sure the guards would snort it just be on the safe side. In fact, a good party in Russia generally features snorting some protein, knocking back some Red Bull, and getting out the baby oil.
Okay, enough of this jibber jabber. Lets get back to some good old fashion Marmosetiness. I forgot to mention this little tidbit the other day… Obviously, I thought that all of Russia is white people (basically, the typical Russian). The first person I met in Russia was our driver. Dude was friggin’ Asian. I’m talking "me put pee-pee in your coke" Asian! You see that tiny little Asian face and then that mongoloid Russian accent comes out when he says, "My name is Stanislas." That is just wrong. Despite being "Russian" Stanislas still had one hereditary Asian trait that can’t be escaped - he was the worst friggin’ driver in this country!!!
Lastly, tomorrow… LENIN!!!!!! All accounts will be squared!!! All ledgers balanced!! Can the unstoppable juggernaut that is King Marmoset vanquish the undying overlord of the USSR? Stay tuned, my buck teeth readers!!
King Marmosettttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
April 25, 2008 at 11:18 am
I hear traveling with "goods" can be quite tricky. Too bad you don’t have a "mule." And thanks for the mini-bar advice!
Safe traveling, good King M!
April 25, 2008 at 6:38 pm
You do drink a lot of water when you eat!!! I have seen it firsthand! Hell, you even took my water and G’s out of his bowl…He damn near died of dehydration and you just laughed in his face. What is still water? Is that tap or like distilled?
April 26, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Who’s the one that makes you happy?
Or maybe, who’s the one always on your mind?
And who is the reason you’re livin’ for?
Who’s the reason for your smile?
I feel so lonely, yet I know I’m not the only one
To ever feel this way.
I love ya so much that I think I’m goin’ insane.
I’m goin’ crazy, outta my head.
Goin’ crazy, outta my head.
Can’t think about nothin’ but your good, good love,
And what you give.
Now, ev’ry one needs somebody.
And you know, ev’rybody needs someone.
Well, and a-yes it’s true!
Ev’rybody needs a special kind of love,
And you’re the only one I’m thinkin’ of.
You mean the world to me.
You are my only!
I feel so lonely, yet I know I’m not the only one
To carry on this way.
I love ya so much I lose track-a time,
Lose track of the days.
I’m goin’ outta my head,
Goin’ crazy, outta my head.
Can’t think about a-nothin’ but your good, good love,
And what you give.
It’s not whatcha got, it’s a-what you give.
It ain’t the life you choose, it’s the life you live.
It’s not what you got, only what you give, only what you give,
It’s not whatcha got, a-but the life you live.
It’s the life you live.
[Spoken:] Play it pretty for the world.
You’re the one that makes me happy. Oh yeah baby.
And you’re the one always on my mind. And a-yes it’s true.
You are my reason, my one and only that I’ve been livin’ for
Why can’t forever be forever and nothin’ more. (To Chorus)
It’s not whatcha got, it’s a-what you give.
It ain’t the life you choose, it’s the life you live.
No, no, no, no, no!
It’s not whatcha got, it’s a-what you give.
And it ain’t what it’s not, but a-what it is!
Only what you give, only what you give. It’s only what you give.
It’s not whatcha got, a-but a-what you give.
It’s not whatcha got, it’s a-what you give. A-what you give woman.
It ain’t the life you choose, it’s the life you live.
It’s only what you give, only what you give, only what you give,
It’s not whatcha got, but a-what you give.
It’s only what you give. Only what you give. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Only what you give. Only what you give.
Only what you give, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is that good enough for the girls we run around with?
I do believe so. Ooh, ooh, uh-huh.
Only what you give, what you give. Only what you give.
Only what you give.
pppppppppppppppeeeeeeeaaaaaaacccccccccccccceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
April 28, 2008 at 7:07 am
You can never leave those Asian driving jokes alone, can you?
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
April 30, 2008 at 5:04 am
If anybody calls you an idiot I will squash them like a bug!! BTW still no zombie contact????
May 3, 2008 at 1:02 am
I am curious as well…what is still water? Nice visual with the Asian Russian. Funny too I might add. I don’t think I would try to travel, unless by car, with any supps. I might pack a multi but that would be about it. Hope you are having an awesome time.
May 4, 2008 at 4:54 pm
LOL with the pants around the ankles… what a visual! And, sadly, I thought, "why doesn’t he just put the Super Pump in a plastic bag so he doesn’t have to carry the whole container…" um… yeah… your explanation makes sense (duh).
LOL, I think that guy is my dad, or a close relative, cuz it’s a wonder I got my license!
May 5, 2008 at 2:29 pm
I only drive that way to avoid you crazy ass white people with road rage. lol!
May 19, 2008 at 7:26 am
Well, Attila the Hun was Asian, and his guys were all over what was the USSR. I think all of Khazakstan are of Asian descent - yep, all Russian speaking. A very strange dichotomy!!