King_Marmoset!’s BodyBlog

I have actually been taking pics this entire time, but my stupid gay dad forgot to give me the stupid gay USB cable for the camera so they’ll have to wait until I get back.  Yeah, try going into Best Buy in Russia and getting the right USB cable.  Try even friggin’ finding a Best Buy in Russia, ya dang smarty pants!!    

Ha!!  Speaking of corporate greed mixed with good old Soviet jibber jabber, Starbucks here are called something like Republik Bucks!!  The name is written in Cyrillic mumbo jumbo, but those are the words you can make out.  I friggin’ love that.  

I’ll now tell you an amazing fact about the sexes (there are only two) here in Russia.  

Females - all girls are a mandatory 5lbs underweight here.  They only eat hot steam once per day and get all their other nutrients from cigarettes.  Their entire wardrobes consist of nothing but mini-skirts (this is actually true and not Marmoset speak).  Regardless of their profession they all wear mini-skirts.  It ain’t exactly warm here either.  Who wants to be the first to make a beaver comment?  Really, I encourage it.  

Males - Ladies and gentleman, the mullet is alive and well in Russia!!!!  No, take a few seconds to applaud reading that and come back when you’ve collected yourself.  I’m not talking the flowing mullets of 80s America.  These are kind of like baby Euro-mullets.  Just a few seedlings in the back poking out a little to let you know that the party-in-the-back is still blazing away.  I thought you’d all like to know that!  Note:  Mullet is French for mule’s tail.  That is a true story.  The friggin’ French have a word for everything.  King Marmoset in French is le Douchessoir.  Seriously!!  

Okay, on to the part you’ve been waiting for….

Yeah, King Marmost doth fly to Moscow today.  Instead of napping or eating anything but quiche he went out in search of his sworn foe.  Traveled high and low King Marmoset did until he finally came to the walls of the dreaded Kremlin and it’s cold war undead master, LENIN!!!  King Marmoset scaled the walls of the Kremlin, assailed mighty St Basil’s cathedral, took a picture of 2 monkeys who happened to be there at the time, and finally fell upon Lenin’s tomb!!  

But lo, my well muscled and possibly naked reader, justice was not served!  For the evil and undying Lenin was spared on this day.  Why?  Simply because the tomb is only opened until 3 and it was already 5!  Alas, the dread overlord of the evil empire continues on with his undead existence until Saturday (closed on Fridays).  Reports will be coming henceforth!!  

I’m taking the day off tomorrow from sight seeing.  I’m going to just chill, lift weights, and maybe buy Danica a few things.  Don’t tell her I said that though because I want it to be a secret.  

Until tomorrow, super pimps!!!!

Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnngggggggggg Marmosetttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!
!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008 at 12:37 pm and is filed under Training. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.