A quick one because this wireless blows!
I’ve finally sobered up a bit to relay some tales of the Russ!!!
I went to Ireland last year and was disappointed that the Irish weren’t as drunk as I wanted them to be. The Russians are way, way drunker than I ever could have dreamed of!!! I went to a big Russian style dinner with like 30 people tonight. All of them had to stand up and give some long winded toasts in Russian. You do the math on the vodka!! These people are just lousy with alcohol! After they get ripped they all pulled me aside and said, "Marmoset, there are no ugly women in Russia. Vodka makes everyone beautiful." I’ll drink to that!
Another quirk, if there is an open door there is no being polite and letting people go through one at a time. It’s every friggin’ man for themselves! I imagine this is why all the older Russian broads are so tough. Forget the Bolsheviks, WW2, and the new economy. They are tough to survive these situations of great peril!
Bryan and any other WW2 fans, there is a line outside the city were the Red Army held the Nazis for over 900 days. They say you can dig anywhere in the soil and still find bones. The friggin’ Nazis destroyed so many priceless cultural treasurers it’s not funny. Stupid friggin’ Nazis!!
I went out drinking with my mom last night. If you hear this phrase out of your mom’s mouth you are in for a troublesome night, "I didn’t get a picture of you drinking that flaming shot. You have to do another!"
I saw a two humped camel on my way in the city. For those of you keeping track at home, a one humper is from Africa, a 2 humper is from Asia, and a three humper is very rare. If you manage to get 3 humps, well, you’ve had a good night!
There isn’t one fat Russia person in this entire city. Nor are there any muscular people. Everyone is very slender. They simply don’t have enough food. Also, they never drink water like we do (the water is tainted with a parasite). They only drink vodka. It’s crazy. They smoke a lot too. And, I haven’t seen one gym yet, but that might be because I don’t know what the signs mean.
I did see some works by Michaelangelo, da Vinci, Rembrandt, etc. Basically, you name the famous old-school artist and I saw some of their work here. However, their art pales to the majesty of the baby mammoths they have here. I’m talking mummified mammoths I’ve been reading about since I was a kid. SO. F’n. Cool!!
This wireless blows so I’m going to knock this crap off for the night! I’ll probably have 10 more vodkas and sleep in the fish tank in the lobby. Nite, yinz!
April 22, 2008 at 11:33 am
FIRST IN!
LMAO @ the vodka making ugly women beautiful!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Your mom sounds terrific. I wish my mom would say stuff like that to me!! 
April 22, 2008 at 11:38 am
ROFL! The best blog I have read in a while. Vodka huh? Interesting….I also did not know of the red line where the Red army held the Nazi’s. You learned me today! Hahaha!! Have fun bro
April 22, 2008 at 11:46 am
Anyone who gets 3 humps in one night has done well
April 22, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Your mom sounds like a blast!
April 22, 2008 at 1:23 pm
I was keeping track at home! Thank you for the clarification on humping!
April 23, 2008 at 4:16 am
The 3 humper is indeed an elusive beast!! I seen plenty of one and 2 humpers in my life but 3…..not yet. I’m still hopeful though. A very well written report mighty one! Have you had contact yet with the Zombie Lenin??
April 23, 2008 at 8:09 am
I concur with bull.dogz - my mom would just keep reminding me to ‘not embarrass the family’, not go for another flaming shot!!
Sounds like you’re having an insane time - and yes, vodka definitely makes everyone beautiful! Now show us the pictures of the flaming shot, now!
April 24, 2008 at 7:40 am
AAAAA the paintings, i could stand there and just stare for just days,
YOU better have a 1 pic of a painting .
and yuo call yuor self a king ??? we shall see .
May 19, 2008 at 7:34 am
Did you go to the Hermitage? I love your descriptions - it is almost like being there. Um about the Russians and the vodka. Yep, in New York all of the Russian mafia, er, I mean, community, lives in Sheepshead Bay, near Brighton Beach and Coney Island. There is a club/restaurant there called Rasputin, where every freaking thing is a cause for a shot of vodka. Well, I did not know that every time there was a toast, my husband drank a sip of wine instead of me (who took each and every shot, just like the 1/4 Russki I am), and I was throwing up in the bathroom by 9 p.m. This was before I was preggified. On a cool note, Heather Graham was there, because some Vodka company was trying to get her to advertise for them. She is so hot!! Later that month, my husband was on his way to the owner of Rasputin’s son’s briss, but it got cancelled because the police arrested the owner for running an illegal poker ring in the restaurant and then "intimidating" people who couldn’t pay their debts… Hm, was this comment long enough or should I keep going?