How To “Holler At Bitches” The King Marmoset Way
Sounds like a great name to a blog, doesn’t it? King Marmoset is sad to admit it, but he has failed you, my supple peeps. Long has King Marmoset been promising his glorious manifesto on how to "holler at bitches" on BodySpace and long has he failed to deliver. Yes, the "hollerin’ at bitches" blog has become his own personal Chinese Democracy. Axl Rose even wrote the forward.
The crux of the blog "how to holler at bitches" was to lampoon some of the tactics used by lads on this site to, well, "holler at bitches". Some of the ladies on this site have been letting young Kind Marmoset behind the scenes in regards to lads behaving badly. KM figured he’d take it upon himself to show how "hollerin’ at bitches" should be done. Here are some bullet points of what would have made a great blog:
The use of the words "hun, my dear, and sexay" when leaving comments on a lady’s profile.
How to write a PM to a girl you’ve never met that will put you on the quick path to sweet and sensual lovin’. Hint: being a straight jabroni helps!
The dos and don’ts of writing creepy poetry.
When to drop the "lol im hott. ur hott. we shuld b hott 2gether" line.
The tactful way to ask for nudes on the Net. That is noodz for you people in the know, "will rep 4 noodz"!!!
Yes, all these and more would have told you everything you needed to know about how to "holler at bitches." King Marmoset even lined up some eye-candy to write testimonials/hate mail for your enjoyment. Now my failure is complete and I’m sorry I didn’t deliver!!
Note: Yes, King Marmoset fully understands that there are times when you need to tell a girl her ass can stop the space time continuum; that there is a party in your pants and she is invited. There is a difference between dropping a girl a compliment and straight "hollerin’ at bitches". Hey, if "hollerin’ at bitches" is your move then just be good at it. That is all King Marmoset is saying.
Note 2: For any concerned, KM’ll be turning RED next weekend and going to Russia. You can count on some crazy ass blogs. If you never hear from King Marmoset again then you can assume he has squared his accounts with their zombie overlord, LENIN, and lost. Here are some quick facts about Russia.
They have 11 time zones.
They actually have fresh water seals! Seals that live in lakes!!! Incredible!!
At the turn of the 20th century, tigers could be found on the east and west of the country. Not so anymore!
Visitors are recommended to be vaccinated against Hepatitis, Typhoid, and rabies. Yes, ****ing rabies!!!
The Moscow subway doubles as a bomb shelter.
Lenin still rules the country from an undying position. Zombies and other abominations are all too common.
What other damn stupid information will young King Marmoset have for you during his travels? Stay tuned!!
Oh, and keep an eye out for more public work-out pics/midget adventures. DX is nigh!! We shall ride again!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Oh2, it seems like the blog section of my.bodybuilding.com is gone. That is the only way that I ever used to track people’s blogs. If I’ve missed a blog of yours please feel free to tell me what a shit bag I am. I didn’t mean it!!
April 9, 2008 at 12:53 pm
It was a bad idea for a blog…make it a book instead and offer it for four easy payments of $29.95. As a free gift you can also include your other book, "How to holler at hoes".
April 9, 2008 at 12:59 pm
you are such a gentleman
April 9, 2008 at 1:00 pm
I’m getting hot from just reading your blog. Lol, sadly I think these guys really believe that these lines work. I’ve also heard some where in the forums that they request "spoon" pictures too. Wtf?
April 9, 2008 at 1:25 pm
HAHAHAHAHA! Let me get some popcorn and prop up my feet.
Hurry back from Russia so you can add to the entries!1
April 9, 2008 at 2:42 pm
hey hun, keep up the great blog. If I were there I would take you for a steak dinner! Why? becuz ur hott im hott. we should be hott 2gether eating steak. Oh….and Jabroni!!!!! hahahaaa
April 9, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Heh heh, fantastic read, good sir, despite your claim to failure!
April 9, 2008 at 6:15 pm
If you run into trouble in Russia remember to activate you homing device and I will be there as fast as you can say, "Stalin is a flaming ***!"
April 9, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Will rep for noodz is CLASSIC!! Don’t forget not just the sexay, but the ‘u sexy keep it up’… no punctuations is the KEY.
Yay for your upcoming DX visit and Russia venture!! So looking forward to the stories!
April 9, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Supplemental one liners for hollerin at Biatches (B’s):
1. He who hollers at B’s, will he himself be hollered at by a B.
2. One B at a time
3. Just B it
4. Here a B, there a B, everywhere a B B
5. It takes a B to know a B
6 We will holler at no B, until it is time to holler at a B
7 I B, you B, we all scream for B
And last, for your upcoming trip to Russia:
What goes to Russia, stays in Russia: or so I’ve heard…..Because I’ve never been there….or have I?
April 10, 2008 at 1:57 am
never been to Russia but by the sound of your blog, you surely are the ladies man! I am so jealous!! LOL….You’ll be bringing home a few Russian brides….just make sure they are vaccinated! LOL
April 10, 2008 at 1:41 pm
UPDATE: And the "hollerin’ at bitches" goes unabated!!! My god, it’s just so funny. Keep it up, fellas!
April 10, 2008 at 3:25 pm
You always have to use a touch of caution when doin the Bitch call….. Some dudes have infertraited the ranks….. new want to get a surprise eye poking!! Oh I so cant wait to see the next round of Pics from you and Danica…. thats some funny shit! Keep on Keepin!
Real Men Have Mass!
April 11, 2008 at 5:22 am
You need to post some of the messages! You can leave them anonymous, but let’s see what sort of messages people are getting!
April 11, 2008 at 5:31 am
ROFL King you have not disappointed your followers. Hail the king. LOL
April 13, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Oh I just wanted to add that I don’t have to do no hollering….they are drawn to me by my aura!!!