And Onto The Celestial Body Shall Come A Great Disaster
Hear yee!!! Hear yee!!! With a seed planted by the blog of the mighty slayer known as Bryan Gee, King Marmoset shall now speak on the topic of injuries!!
Everyone gets hurt sooner or later. Celestial bodies in motion will sooner or later encounter some form of disagreeable physics resulting in injury. Here is a list of the most common injuries known:
The acidic pinch from the black lava ants of Nizzarud - The opening of their hive may look like a pleasure orifice… It’s not! Enter at thy own peril.
A talon strike from the invidious and treacherous Raptor Guild - The Raptor Guild will rue the day they struck against the interests of Marmosetia and broke the treaty!
The sting of the serpent Karunaggar’s bite - Those that live through the painful bite and are not devoured by Karunaggar face this dreaded venom’s necrotic ways. If anti-venom is not administered the victim is doomed to an undead existence as a brain hungry zombie.
Unremembered calamities visited upon you while under the psychedelic trance of the secretions of the Thunderpussy Root Toad - There is often a dark side to wisdom gained, my son. Lick the Thunderpussy Root Toad and trip to wisdom in moderation.
Whether yee bee a mighty slayer, a harcore mutha, an extinction event maker, or the most supple of seductresses a course of action regarding injury is wise!
1. Identify the injury - Sounds simple, eh? The King always hailed from the school of thought that if there was no blood there was no injury. This is so very, very wrong. The single greatest instrument that has retarded the King’s ascent to majesty is the failure to properly identify injuries. If you are hurt, even if it doesn’t feel too badly, you are still hurt. Take some time to evaluate what exactly is going on with the injury. If you don’t identify and accept the injury you’ll only hurt yourself more.
2. Give the injury proper rest time - If the injury takes 8 weeks to heal you have to give it 8 weeks. It’s that simple. If you are still in pain then you aren’t healed yet. People like us, we’ll always be chomping at the bit to get back in the game. Letting an injury linger will be a force of retardation against your desires like nothing else. You must heal fully!!!
Wisdom like this comes at a great cost. Yes, YOUR King Marmoset is the biggest culprit of snubbing injuries and trying to go on like nothing is wrong. With broken ribs, the King played hockey multiple times, studied martial arts, slept in a bathtub, climbed a mountain in Korea, and lifted weights to the point that after benching only 80 lbs he needed help getting off the bench. Instead of acknowledging the injury existed (all that stuff was done before accepting there actually was a legitimate injury) and letting the injury heal the King ended up on the shelf for 12 weeks! 12 f’n weeks!!!! All because of his own stupidity and stubbornness.
Hear these words and profit from them. Many, many of us are on the gimp right now. Please take care of your injuries! Also, if you catch King Marmoset going against his own words remind him of this blog. We are our own worst enemies!
Note: Any spies for the Raptor Guild reading this, your days are numbered! Tell the Eagle King and his bitch side-kick Peregrine boy all they have and all they will ever know are for naught. For sooth, King Marmoset has spoken!
December 19, 2007 at 11:47 am
This is a great wisdom that has been bestowed upon you, mighty king. Surely this will be passed from ear to ear until everyone has heard the news!
December 19, 2007 at 12:06 pm
First off, a quote from you…"Lick the Thunderpussy" ROLF!!!!!! That is freaking great! Anyway, very good advice that I too neglect to follow at times. Good luck bro!
December 19, 2007 at 12:57 pm
I just have one question. Where do you one of these Thunderpussy Root Toads? Sounds like a party to me!
December 19, 2007 at 1:34 pm
I must admit I have learned my lesson the hard way and will now and forever more heed the words of the great King Marmoset!! Slinging Lions around by their stupid haircuts or bitch slapping smart ass Hyenas is child’s play compared to stopping the chariot of a possessed teenager at 40 miles per hour!! Even taking the heads off brain hungry zombies pales in comparison!! Thank you all mighty King for your words of wisdom!!
December 19, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Sage words. I too have learned this from recent experience. When your Achilles tendon is screaming in pain when you run, give running a rest until the pain stops. Otherwise, you may injure yourself so badly you may never be able to run. I don’t think my injury is quite that bad, but it’s been four months since I stopped running regularly and I still can’t run regularly. Thank goodness for pools and elliptical machines. And weights.
December 19, 2007 at 2:19 pm
KM—have your tried rubbin a little Robatussin on that rib of yours? Chris Rock is a genius.
I can bring some Xmas…lemme know.
~Hardcore Mutha~
December 19, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Ah yes, the black lava ants of Nizzarud! A strange foe indeed. With their magical scents; their enticing aesthetically pleasing orifice, one draws near to the seemingly tasty nectar produced from the deep innards of their alluring sanctuary, only to be pinched mightily until breakage most likely occurs….take heed yes: Take further heed of selected appendage utilized for foraging into said pleasure orifice…..
December 20, 2007 at 9:13 am
uh, i’m confused. what/where is your injury again????
December 20, 2007 at 12:30 pm
I’m so rusty on my mid-evil times lango….but hey I’m all about some thunderpussy!….lol
December 20, 2007 at 1:23 pm
okay, it took me two run-throughs to understand that post. but it was really great!!!!!!!!
December 20, 2007 at 4:14 pm
I was the same with running - thinking my ankle was okay and I was making it up and sidelined for almost a year… glad to know the king makes mistakes, too. here’s hoping we’ve learned from them!
December 21, 2007 at 8:25 am
Hail To The KIng , As He sits and knows not to go outside in the frigrid air.
AS he looks over his kindom on endless sight and sound . I have 1 ?’ well actually 2 .
#1 You didnt post a pic of the Thunderpussy Root Toad ?? ohhh mannnnnn
#2 Would love to see a pic of yuor view on from climbed a mountain in Korea.
BOTH must be awesome sights to the human eye.
This is post is 1 of the top 5 i have ever read here.
bow to the king.
( even if he is wearing purple striped tights and ballet shoes, )
peaceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee