King_Marmoset!’s BodyBlog

Who is the fattest Marmoset in all in the land?  King Marmoset is!!!  

No food…NO FOOD was spared the King’s ample family inspired holiday wrath.  He had to wear his corduroy trousers with the elastic waist band… Yeah, no wasting time fidgeting with a belt and buttons.  Just let your gut expand and the elastic will do the rest.  All great predators can distend their bellies to accommodate vast quantities in one sitting.  King Marmoset’s belly expands infinitely in all directions.  King Marmoset = Apex Predator.  Do the math yourself.    

Ham:  Dispatched with great vengeance and furious anger.  Tears were shed by Granny Marmoset at this.  She weeped at the effort she put in to cook such a ham only to have it eaten with such shame and contempt.  Save your tears for someone who can be redeemed, Granny Marmoset!  The appetite of King Marmoset hath no soul!  

Peppermint ice cream:  Mainlined directly into the system.  The quick burning carbs fueled other eating projects.  

Roast beef:  First, romanced.  Then, eaten whole.  See Ham above for tears, no soul, yada-yada-yada.

Barbecued meatballs:  Inhaled via the nose whilst the mouth devoured other nutrients and occasionally cursed out family members.

Turkey:  Turkey made a fatal error by looking so delicious and making eye contact with the King.  Upon brutally assaulting this cooked bird with a knife and fork, relatives of King Marmoset tried to interfere and get some for themselves.  They were never seen again.  The King does not share food now and forever!  

Gigantolocerous steaks:   What animal is Gigantolocerous?  The King’s holiday feasting on this delicious meat was so extensive that he erased Gigantolocerous from ever existing.  Yes, a rift in the Space-Time continuum was created and the Gigantolocerous was wiped from history.  It was struck from the record.  It never existed!!!!  HAHAHAHA!!!!

Okay, no more writing now.  The King is sleepy from having some bad dreams about zombie hordes last night.  The last dream ended with the King coming back as a zombie.  It was shocking to learn that zombies see in a bluish tint.  Use this info when combatting this unending evil in the future.  Note:  Never eat zombie flesh!!  It’s not on the clean diet menu.

Hear yee!!!  Hear yee!!!  With a seed planted by the blog of the mighty slayer known as Bryan Gee, King Marmoset shall now speak on the topic of injuries!!  

Everyone gets hurt sooner or later.  Celestial bodies in motion will sooner or later encounter some form of disagreeable physics resulting in injury.  Here is a list of the most common injuries known:

The acidic pinch from the black lava ants of Nizzarud - The opening of their hive may look like a pleasure orifice… It’s not!  Enter at thy own peril.

A talon strike from the invidious and treacherous Raptor Guild - The Raptor Guild will rue the day they struck against the interests of Marmosetia and broke the treaty!  

The sting of the serpent Karunaggar’s bite - Those that live through the painful bite and are not devoured by Karunaggar face this dreaded venom’s necrotic ways.  If anti-venom is not administered the victim is doomed to an undead existence as a brain hungry zombie.    

Unremembered calamities visited upon you while under the psychedelic trance of the secretions of the Thunderpussy Root Toad - There is often a dark side to wisdom gained, my son.  Lick the Thunderpussy Root Toad and trip to wisdom in moderation.    

Whether yee bee a mighty slayer, a harcore mutha, an extinction event maker, or the most supple of seductresses a course of action regarding injury is wise!  

1.  Identify the injury - Sounds simple, eh?  The King always hailed from the school of thought that if there was no blood there was no injury.  This is so very, very wrong.  The single greatest instrument that has retarded the King’s ascent to majesty is the failure to properly identify injuries.  If you are hurt, even if it doesn’t feel too badly, you are still hurt.  Take some time to evaluate what exactly is going on with the injury.  If you don’t identify and accept the injury you’ll only hurt yourself more.  

2.  Give the injury proper rest time - If the injury takes 8 weeks to heal you have to give it 8 weeks.  It’s that simple.  If you are still in pain then you aren’t healed yet.  People like us, we’ll always be chomping at the bit to get back in the game.  Letting an injury linger will be a force of retardation against your desires like nothing else.  You must heal fully!!!  

Wisdom like this comes at a great cost.  Yes, YOUR King Marmoset is the biggest culprit of snubbing injuries and trying to go on like nothing is wrong.  With broken ribs, the King played hockey multiple times, studied martial arts, slept in a bathtub, climbed a mountain in Korea, and lifted weights to the point that after benching only 80 lbs he needed help getting off the bench.  Instead of acknowledging the injury existed (all that stuff was done before accepting there actually was a legitimate injury) and letting the injury heal the King ended up on the shelf for 12 weeks!  12 f’n weeks!!!!  All because of his own stupidity and stubbornness.  

Hear these words and profit from them.  Many, many of us are on the gimp right now.  Please take care of your injuries!  Also, if you catch King Marmoset going against his own words remind him of this blog.  We are our own worst enemies!  

Note:  Any spies for the Raptor Guild reading this, your days are numbered!  Tell the Eagle King and his bitch side-kick Peregrine boy all they have and all they will ever know are for naught.  For sooth, King Marmoset has spoken!

Today is YOUR King Marmoset’s birthday.  He is going to enjoy the snow and try some corporate wheelin’ n’ dealin’ that just may change his life.  However, the King is in a giving mood.  This gift can be enjoyed by everyone, but the female marmosets out there might find this extra special.  

Hail to the King, baby!!!!!