King_Marmoset!’s BodyBlog

If you are reading this then you are probably already aware of the unbridled awesomeness of this online community.  However, there is always something strange and interesting afoot.  

Check this profile out if you haven’t already:  http://bodyspace.bodybuilding.com/carolinasaenzse/

This young lady is already on her second profile.  When I saw her first one I instantly thought it was not only fake, but probably also a spammer (because she was asking for people’s MSN screen names).  Not shockingly, she was banned that day.  However she returned again the next day and I gave her profile another look.  I’m starting to believe she is just a girl with broken English, giant boobs, a web cam, and a need for attention.  Nothing wrong with that!  

Personally, I love the idea that all women in Columbia sit around in lingerie all day doing random house stuff and putting shirts on Teddy Bears.  Sadly, I know this isn’t true.  I know girls from Columbia.  If this Carolina girl had an evil twisted shadow they’d be it.  I shiver thinking about their broken English castigating me for crimes I didn’t commit.  

Bryan, you are an excellent sleuth in these matters.  What do you think?  What does everyone think?  Any other ladies what to put up videos of themselves in skimpy undies doing house work?  No on-the-toilet videos though!  You know who you are!  

It’s every youngster’s dream to break into the lucrative trade of bare-knuckle boxing of wild animals.  It’s long hard work and most youngsters never make it, but to those that do it can be very gratifying to be a champion animal battler.  There is nothing more satisfying than sucker-punching a hyena after it makes some stupid wise crack or back-handing a snobby lion for getting uppity.  Who wouldn’t want to met out a little street justice on a punk lion?  After all, they constantly prance around the grasslands with their stupid hair cuts like they own the place.  King of beasts my buck-toothed ass!  

As if the satisfaction of putting low beasts in place wasn’t enough, there are cash rewards to be had for a good bare-knuckle scrap with beasts.  Yes, wealthy Texas oilman have long known the rewards and pleasures of disciplining wild beasts.  They pay a hefty sum to any hard working youngster who can properly administrate wild beasts.  A satisfying and well paying job like this is all a junior person can ask for!    

King Marmoset has battled cut-throat orangutans in Borneo, elbow dropped smut-minded tapirs in Brazil, fish-hooked innocent narwhals in Norway, wrist-locked callipigious tarsiers in Gondwanaland, and bitched-slapped abominable yetis in Nepal.  KM has battled all this world has to offer and made himself wealthy on the rich cash prizes he has won.  Yet, you might wonder why he still cries myself to sleep at night and occasionally wets the bed.  Don’t you wonder that?  

It’s because he’ll never be the greatest of all time.  11,000 years ago the ice age ended and took with it the last of the world’s great mammals.  King’s glory and cash purse would be one hundred fold greater if he could have only fought it out with the glorious now extinct ice age mammals:  mastodons, megatherium, smilodon, megalocerous, and many others.  With these pitiful mammals we have today he’ll never be able to claim to be truly great.  The honor of true greatness goes to a proto-American named Chief Runs-With-Wang who racked up 1,000 straight victories over the brutes of his day.  Some say it was him that caused the great extinction such was the breadth and depth of his beastly administrations.  Woe, that the King could never have the opportunity to cause such extinctions.  

So, to you aspiring bare knuckle animal battlers out there, keep training.  Keep hitting your local pet stores, farms, zoos, and any exotic locales you can to fight whatever beasts are on hand.  Keep taking your protein shakes, vitamins, and eating right.  Keep lifting boulders, climbing trees, and stopping moving vehicles.  You never know when a monster will fall off the moon, some beast will time travel to today, or some ghastly creature will rise up from dark cold oceans to smote and ruin all that is shapely and luscious.  Remember, King Marmoset has got dibs!!!

Actual lion with ridiculous hair cut

King Marmoset’s buck teeth

Actual Texas oil man

The luscious and shapely