Beating The Elderly Is Wise Health Care
Father Marmoset is too lazy and self indulgent to exercise and take care of himself. Instead of being a kingly marmoset, he lays around all day in the dirty roots of trees looking at marmoset pornography and eating bon-bons (he claims the chocolate ones are health food bon-bons). King Marmoset decided to devise an exercise program that lazy Father Marmoset couldn’t ignore: daily beatings.
Every single day for the last 7 years, Father Marmoset has caught a whippin’ most royale. Usually, these beatings consist of getting pinned to the wall or quick belly swats. The King figures the resistance training and being forced to raise his arms above his shoulders are a boon to Father Marmoset. Even exercise in the form of beatings is better than nothing! The one day in all those years a beating wasn’t administered, Father Marmoset had to go to the hospital because of chest pains. Never again would Father Marmoset miss his scheduled beating!
As far as defending himself against beatings, well, Father Marmoset really is defenseless. He never listened to his son when he was lectured on lifting boulders and is now a giant slice of veal. Tree climbing? Never ever! Father Marmoset is lazy and lays about at the bottom of the tree waiting for old fruit to fall to the ground. Most shamefully, predatory snakes run amuck unfettered and unchallened in his filthy dwellings. His pitiful attempts at fighting back are his exercise for the day. Any wayward impacts he might land are welcomed. They never hurt and at least he is extending his arms all the way out. The one thing Father Marmoset does have to defend himself are long, dirty, unkept, and unclean monkey talons.
Father Marmoset was getting pinned against the wall today for his daily exercise. An added thigh pinch was thrown in to get him to pump his legs. Father Marmoset was angry that his entire feet were leaving the ground. In a rage, he used his cruel monkey talons to rip the ear of his glorious and handsome son. Yes, my pretties, the ear of your dear narrator was besmirched in a ripping fashion on this very day.
Let that be a lesson to all you marmosets out there trying to make your parents healthier. The elderly are always bitter and full of hate. Beware their monkey talons or whatever teeth they have left. Sure, you are beating them for their own good, but they will never understand.
So sayeth I, one eared KING MARMOSET, now and forever!!!!!!
September 20, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Agreed, the old ones have no respect or discipline anymore. The youthful and spry will have to compensate and (out of compassion) generously bestow upon them the lessons they have forgotten and the fitness they deserve (whilst protecting the ever-valuable ears of course)
LOL
October 2, 2007 at 9:58 am
As a word of caution: The elderly, who seemingly innocently lay at the bottom of the tree, typically acquire the ability to accurately and with great velocity fling marmoset dung. Not only is the smattering of marmoset dung onto one’s face painful in most cases, it many times and depending on the female topography at said dung flinging, can be highly disconcerting…..
October 2, 2007 at 12:49 pm
The flinging of dung can also cause a ferocious case of pink eye!!!
October 3, 2007 at 6:30 pm
Not to mention it smells like sh*t! Be sure to cleanse your ear well lest it become infected and it disfigures your handsome furry face Sire.
October 4, 2007 at 3:20 pm
baaahahahahah!!!!
for real.
October 14, 2007 at 2:26 pm
I just got off the phone with mine telling them that I can eat like a little piggy for one day.
I think my father had a stroke when I told him no salt, butter, or sugar after Thanksgiving.
My mother loves to eat pizza but won’t cook pork chops because of all the fat and grease.. .