King_Marmoset!’s BodyBlog

In America, we are spoiled with the quantity, quality, and quahoggia of animals, aliens, monsters, robots, minorities, old gods, and other menaces we have to fight.  Ye olde King Marmoset is going to leave the booze soaked shores of America and wash up on the booze soaked shores of Ireland later this month.  "What is there to fight in Ireland?" you ask, my buck toothed and slope browed reader.  Here are my top 2 intended combatants:    

Megaloceros - Seeing as Ireland was under a sheet of ice during the last ice age, there were never many great mammals there.  Megaloceros, aka the Irish elk, is one of the few great mammals Ireland has.  If these animals can stop dry humping small family cars and short buses for 10 minutes, I’m sure they will put up a good fight.  Although, if I can get a hold of those big bitch lookin’ antlers, I will certainly swing them around by their heads and fire them into some potato patches.  Then, I will crush their spirits by deftly insulting their fighting skills and subtly nipping at their deepest insecurities.  

Megaloceros Fighting Men

Humans - Normally, I wouldn’t include humans on a good fight list, but the Irish are different.  Fueled by whiskey, crotch fungus, and a foul disposition, the Irish can be quite a handful.  I liken them to quick running zombies in both single mindedness for destruction and desire to eat brains.  You’re average kick to the “Jimmy” will not work on these beasts.  Aye, they will put up a good fight indeed.  

The Average Irish Person

Now, the two of you reading this are saying, “Oh, twice-bathed-these-last-three-weeks King Marmoset, what of the Bastard Sons of Ireland?  What of the Leprechauns?  Will they not put up a good fight?”    

I’ll have nothing more to say on this subject until I return.  Rest assured, semi-aroused reader, that I will be fully prepared for the leprechaun’s ubiquitous “monkey steals the peach” attack.  I have meditated for many hours and devised a defense that was tested using a surly orangutan.  Herbert the orangutan’s contributions to my life’s work simply can’t be over looked.  

A Deadly Leprechaun

End of transmission.