King_Marmoset!’s BodyBlog

When you attain the rank of King Marmoset you become accustom to having other lesser marmosets jealously coveting your position.  They employ many nefarious tactics and techniques for besmirchment.   The use of viruses is one such tactic.  

Yee olde King Marmoset was distracted this weekend by caring for alcohol related sick lady marmosets in the loathsome city of Baltimore.  When my guard was down I was inoculated by some "simian bowel agitator virus".  Darkness did befall your lord and master then and ever since.  

But this wretched virus brought a disturbing companion to hold down the ever strobing might of King Marmoset; the companion was lactose intolerance.  It’s a well known fact that growing a bigger King Marmoset requires many gallons of the milk.  Whether the milks originate from marmoset tit, cow udder, or rat nipple matters not.  All the milks are assimilated for proteins.  So, not realizing lactose intolerance had been inflicted, all the milks were consumed and your handsome narrator was darkened even more.  

Meditating high in the branches of the living room tree did I realize the foul plot of my enemies and the tools of their wickedness.  I vowed then and there to swear off the milks until at least Saturday.  Then, my mighty bacterial symbiotes would rise again to overrule the viruses and digest the milks!  

The illness did give The King time to reflect on growing a bigger body.  A decision came to pass:  it’s time to shred it!  

There are no more weddings or trips out of Marmosetia planned so all dirty foods will be banished; alcohol chiefest and greatest of the dirty deeds.  Hockey has returned many times per week for added blubber burning.  A supplement change from Muscle Milk to ON Whey will occur due to the fat in MM. The situation is ripe for banishing blubber from the kingdom of Marmosetia now and forever!!

Do you like Seafoods in a Can?  

I do not like them, King Marmoset, I am!  

I do not like them in a box.
I do not like them with a fox.
I do not like them in a house.
I do not like them with a mouse.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like Seafoods in a Can.
I do not like them, King Marmoset, I am.

Your ol’ handsome narrator gets pestered by the Seafood nazis at nigh onto every feeding, "Oh, lordly and majestic King Marmoset - greatest of all calamities, why oh why do you not eat food of the sea?  Fish is good.  Clams is good.  Kraken is good.  Godzilla is good.  Why don’t you eat them?  Have you ever tried them?"  

Hhhhhhhh…

King Marmoset doesn’t eat such filthy swimming things because… Because they are ill-mannered, ill-conceived, ill-tempered, low and nasty COLD BLOODED ANIMALS!!  

King Marmoset didn’t get to be at the top of the food chain by eating cold blooded brutes like bugs, jelly fish, trilobites, lawyers, and toads.  No, that position is attained by eating bad-ass warm blooded animals:  cows, birds, bison, other monkeys, unicorns, manatees, styrofoam, big-foot, wookies, etc.  

Ever wondered how all the rich mega-fauna of the world went extinct at the end of the last ice age?  I GODDAMN ATE THEM!!!  Oh, it was totally selfish to eat all those lovely and delicious creatures, but the bulk was on!  Yeah, the bulk was on like Donkey Kong!!  Oh, that fool, Donkey Kong, was consumed and assimilated for lean proteins too!  

Yee olde King Marmoset is going to Baltimore this weekend.  It will be another weekend of dirty deeds done dirt cheap.  There are bags of chicken and such making the journey, but they won’t last.  Dirty foods will eventually besmirch your glorious narrator.  Sure, seafood is an option instead of getting low-down and dirty.  However, satisfaction won’t be given over to the brutes of the sea out of pure spite.  So sayeth I now and forever!!!  

Note 1:  Fungus is also never consumed.  Never, ever eat anything from outer space unless it has a face.  If it has a face, you can be reasonably sure that this space creature is worth a nibble.  

Note 2:  Godzilla would totally be consumed if the chance was presented.  That just a lie before.  That is way too much lean protein and healthy fat to pass up.  Although, all that radiation might be trouble down the road.  Is radioactive food okay on a clean diet?  The smart money would be on yes.

Lost your way, my lamb?  

Morally, spiritually, or physically confusticated from too many weekend tawdys, dirty vittles, or cream-puffs?  

Perhaps your waist line has expanded while your soul has become bankrupt?  

Maybe the will to rise up and do the hard work has left thee?

Can’t resist that one last jager-bomb at 1:30am when hot Mexicana lust is breathing down your neck?    

Join us at the Church of BodySpace!  The Church of BodySpace is the truth, the light, and the way for physical, spiritual, and emotional enlightenment.  YOU WILL FIND REDEMPTION HERE!    

The Church of BodySpace can offer you:

Penance in the form of personal physical resurrection.
A diet that not only feeds the body, but also feeds the soul.  
Guidance on walking the one truth path of enlightenment.
Motivation in the form of others who walk the path.  

Listen to my preachings, my sons and daughters.  Ol’ King Marmoset came in from the darkness and the void.  Yes, he did drinketh deeply of the BodySpace Kool-Aid.  It was cool; refreshing; life changing.  Yes, come and worship at the alter of the weight bench and change your life now and forever!  

Note:  If you know where "confusticated" comes from then I claim thee as a dork-supreme!