KATHY The Oye Body Survey A Physique Profile Series Featuring Athletes & Fitness Models http://www.MUSCLE-INK.com A Network For Serious Athletes

As was my original intention of this blog was first and foremost to thank each and every one of you for all the literally hundreds emails prayers and comments left to me in my absence. At first I was going to begin with why – to explain my decision, at that point – but then I came across something while surfing the web and space that made me almost relive the, what I call trauma/ drama in that had been happening in my life, at that time pp depression. Yes – you read that right.

2008 had been a world wind year for me – new plans – for shows and life changes and my first experience going to the Arnold Amateur as only as a spectator. I left there with a new out look – what to get my self in shape and prior to me going to Ohio – I met an awesome lady online Amy Kessler – that was going to help me with my first show, it was going to the NYC Metropolitans 2008, which was going to be dedicated to my Dad who had passed away years before around the same time.

If I remember correctly we began sometime in January and I was geared to go – noticing the changes my body was making – and couldn’t wait to step on that NY stage for the very first time.

I came back from Columbus with a new attitude – but my mid March my body began changing in a different way – now that I at that time I was experiencing changes in my body – menopausal changes or so I thought – not to get graphic here but after a very strenuous and rigorous leg workout – I began to hemorrhage, this had happened once before many years ago – but being a health care professional – we ignore things – and this went on for nearly 6 weeks some weeks worse than the next – I knew that by the third week, I had miscarriage – and had absolutely no idea. I just couldn’t understand how with at that time a 8% or so BF why????? Was this happening

Being the person that I am – I told no one – and managed to deal on my own – I was starting a new position at the end of April – and had to have a D and C. the week before I started. Not a pleasant experience dealing with it on your own – by my choice. After that – things just wasn’t the same for me emotionally – I was going through what some may call post partum depression – I wasn’t depressed just sad – felt like a  failure – knowing that having  a child would have been a very important thing for the S/O at the time. Didn’t tell anyone, but everyone saw the mood changes – I was never asked why. I was just so into being down on myself having lost something – that would have been the most important and happy addition to my life even at that age. I was tired most of the time exhausted infact to  point when the weekend came around all I wanted to do was sleep and rest – this experience sucked the life out of literally.

The only way that I thought to forget was to plunge myself back into the iron game – it seemed to work for awhile – did a show in June and July – but also sustained a back injury that kept me from the gym for most of the summer – the steroid injections for back pain was not helping my mood – I was sad – its now September – and getting closer to the due date that I would have had at that time – I would have been due early to mid November – which wild have been exciting – at the time to say the least – for a lot of reason – I cant mention here. I had also been out of work as well because of all of this ( back prob) I decided to write blogs online – I couldn’t really do much else – I had a big following (not body building related and was a  strong potential for extra income. I gave that up because it caused to much interference in my life and though that it would have been a good thing money wise – but lost all of that as well.

The holidays came and went also a trying time - because of the anniversary of my Moms death around Xmas – let’s just sat the next few months were difficult.

I plunged into working out – the Arnold was getting closer – and the anniversary of my miscarriage date was getting closer as well – things like this you don forget and never will- you lose sight of everything including yourself  - but the working out and training for all the shows that I do was MAKING ME FORGET. March 2009 was a very sad time for me and still lingers in my mind up until this day. I would have had a 9 month old at this time at almost 50!!!! LOL – Doing the Met 2009 was a dual dedication – not the exacts dates but dedicated to my dad and the child I would have had  - they would have been proud – I was in the best physical condition of my life I thought- they would have been proud!

I at time of the Arnold had the pleasure of working with Kevin and Denise James, who helped me with my show – they are wonderful that’s all I can say – they did notice however my pictures lacked that usual sparkle in my eye like I had in previous shows., which I thought from looking at the pictures of my self looked almost fake–They were unaware of what I had experienced the year before but know I was having a rough time  with other things home related  and helped me through. THANK YOU Believe me when I tell you no one new what had happened the year before –it was balled up inside of me and just could not get it out verbally even now to write this – is difficult – talking about this loss – makes me tearful – I think that if I spoke up I would be in a different place right now.

The remainder of the year was solely focused on working out until I dropped and doing shows to try and forget – but you know what I will never forget – that day in March 2008 – I just have to remember and time will release me of the sadness I feel at this loss.

I have done so many depletes and shows that I had gotten sick in July with an electrolyte imbalance that literally made my kidneys HURT and my legs and body swollen for almost a month. I was a MESS.

My child that I would have had – is in heaven and probably saying Mom – I am OK – and you need to take care of yourself – I made a promise that I will.

Other things have been happening along the way –I will leave for another day – my daughter is still fighting her “demons” as we all are. I pray she is safe.

I have learned that substitution for sadness and grief cannot be overpowered physical punishment on the body - that is the lesson I have learned. I cannot bring back a part of me, my body  that I have lost – forever.

And have to take things one day at a time – I sometimes wish the days go by faster – so I can forget the loss and sadness of March 2008 and hope to get through November 2009 he/she would be a year old.

As they say time heals all wounds …. I pray they do as I hope November comes and goes quickly ………..he/she is my missing piece…and would have been 1 year old ..

If they did, then you would exactly know what you’re getting yourself into before you begin, whether or not you’ll know, that it’s a lemon, that you are getting, that will leave that sour, unpleasant taste in your mouth.

You have all the facts right there in front of you, then and only then will you make that assessment and decision objectively; whether or not to involve yourself in in that mutual liaison of what I call ‘trolling for fish’

Unfortunately nothing like that exists, we rely on sentiment, emotion and gut feeling.  Those gut feelings are more often than not ignored, overlooked and disregarded,  because, we do not as; humans want to see the unscrupulous and manipulative behavior – we want to see first-class, the good in individuals. We generally believe the deception, because we do not want to see the negative.

We sometimes become little fishes in the deep blue sea, staring at the “bait” that gives us the impression of being “oh” so alluring, appealing and enthralling. Some become mesmerized; by the dreams and aspirations that your invited to be apart of.

Why, because we do not “pay attention” to our inner soul; forewarning us, telling us over and over stay away, stay very far away. We have all been there at some point or another.

This I find becomes a sport, of sorts, a game whose rules (the fish doesn’t know until its to late,)  of the one that’s fishing, they cast that charming line and start trolling and are superior at what they do, because they know nothing else. It’s learned behavior over years –and years and fishing makes them experts. Fisherman have patience and will wait and wait until they get their fish.

Their lives are lived that way, most likely as a result, of  lack of nurturing and encouragement as a child; in their lives; they are always on the move, running almost,  looking for that perfect lure to get another fish, and are relentlessly looking for another  fish that may or may not become some sort of assistance to them personally, professionally or financially only to move to the next, with more colorful and powerful bait.

Once they have you on board; your helpless, the sparkle of the shiny lure ensnared you. The stories are spun according to the situation and eventually change when the deception is discovered.

So what does the fish do? The hook is in you mouth, your struggle to get out but cant, you want to, your gut says too, but something is holding you back from fighting and struggling to take out that hook.

The fish stays, they have no choice now and the fisherman pretends, and considers – should I toss you back in the ocean, or should they utilize it until they acquire all that they need, only to toss you back into that ocean, with that sour taste in your mouth and well as that gash from the “hook” they used to reel you in.

Moral of this story – Shiny and sparkling lures are enticing, but there’s a reason why the fisherman changes his bait every now and then, only to help themselves at the expense of others.

Myself, I am a lionfish; astonishingly beautiful not in a physical sense;  as a person, inside, graceful with cautious movements.

Lures don’t work …lionfish are smarter than that, they know, the deception that lurks above the water line…it could very well be a shark and not a fisherman….

I just wanted to thank each and everyone of you that have emailed texted - and commented on my page in my absence - I have gotten literally   hundreds of emails- and i def know i cant answer all of them - but thanks so much for all of your support and kind words in a most trying time - in the midst of all of this I had a great  opportunity thrown at me in July at a sponsorship with a company,  I had to be turn down because health issues - but that’s ok - there’s always a next time and there will be

I really do appreciate it in words that I cannot even begin to write here - it would make me cry - and have done enough of that -K

Last year about this time – I had considered doing the Masters Nationals. I have decided to put this on hold (MAYBE LOL) , until next year. I had done 3 shows so far this year – the majors being the Arnold Amateur and the Metropolitans. I am committed to doing 2 more for the season, and then hang up the figure suit until next year. Unless I see substantial changes and this can only come if I rest and eat appropriately will I consider doing Team U and/or the Eastern’s, considering I really don’t have that much time, I may save those for next year too. Next year for sure - I will only do larger shows rather than the smaller ones, although nice and I have fun, its no competition when you place 3rd and there’s 3 people in your class LOL

My body can only take so much. LOL The caliber of figure womens at these HUGE shows is phenomenal; I saw this first hand at the Arnold! Despite the fact that I am where in terms of physique, I would like to be , rounded capped shoulders, ripped abs ,  and legs,  I still have to work on and have been firming up the glutes and hams. Although the soft look, that I have been seeing in the “smaller shows” is not what I am seeing at the BIG shows…definitely a big difference in the two.

Here are some pictures of the WINNERS in last years Masters National – no SOFTIES here

OVERALL WINNER AND FIGURE 35+ WINNER, TINA WHITE

FIGURE A WINNER

FIGURE C WINNER

To keep all of my friends updated, I had planned to do a figure show on May 9th; however I became very ill the actual day of the show. To give you some insight as to what went on with me physically, I basically was burning the candle at both ends so to speak, I don’t know what the word QUIT is, I always push forward no matter what.

Anyway to give you an idea of what my body went through in the course of a month I did a full deplete for a show/photo shoot on April 11, The NYC Metropolitans, April 25th NJ Suburban, Photo Shoot May 3rd and May 9th, NJ MidAtlantic.

I did not however do the May 9th Show – I was REALLY REALLY SICK. I woke up the morning of May 9th, at around 4am; I was basically up all night p-ing my ass off LOL.
Anyway, I didn’t feel well, I was extremely dehydrated, and I couldn’t pinch any skin anywhere on my body at ALL. I was hard and ripped, and I was never as well conditioned in my life, however, I became nauseous, dizzy, vomiting and started cramping.

I could absolutely NOT drive myself to NJ to this show, almost called an ambulance!! That is how bad I felt. If you know me, I don’t do that, nurses do not want to go to hospitals – I felt that bad. But being the trooper that I am, I waited an hour and started to get ready anyway LOL WHY??? I don’t know, I started walking around the house and then I started vomiting again, I had nothing IN ME to come out. It was awful, I said to myself; NOPE I am not doing it.

I weigh myself usually a week out and then the morning of the show – on May 4th, I weighed about 121-122 lbs, the day of the show I weighed 114lbs – I lost 7 -8 pounds of water. I know now what the problem was for this show- I didn’t hydrate well during the week and that’s what messed me up.

I spent the day lying down with a HUGE headache, and drank about a case of water, NO LIE, I didn’t pee until 830pm that night!!! This is how dehydrated I was. Each and every time we do shows, we take a serious risk!! Screwing around with you electrolytes is dangerous, and I can tell you that first hand.

It took close to 4 weeks to get back to normal- what a ride this was. I took some pictures later in the afternoon and as you will see was still ripped at 4pm in the afternoon – despite all of the water I drank ….I’m glad to be back to normal. well almost normal LOL

Below are the pics that I took – I needed to really see what I looked like – I was much much thinner earlier in the day – and also – the pictures show exactly how crappy I was feeling, I look like I wanna PUKE and did LOL

K

I have decided to keep my profile up – it was probably ridiculous for me to take everything down but at that time – I felt that I had no choice – only because really going online here or anywhere was the last thing that I needed or wanted to do at the time.

I am putting everything back on here so people don’t forget me, for my family to see what I have accomplished over the years, for my friends to continually visit for motivation and for my enemies to do what they do best…….

The past couple of months have been grueling both physically and emotionally - and has been an extremely hard time. I have been handed a pretty shitty deck of cards, and I don’t know really where to turn. As always in my life I am left to deal with it on my own, despite how I am feeling physically, this time it hard to bounce back, just to get knocked down again and again.  

I want the images to motivate and bring to mind where I came from how I started and what I have become.

Carla Petrocelli

Carla Petrocelli