Jesse12345’s BodyBlog

I’m probably guilty of a few of these characteristics .  Sorry in advance to all the douchebags I offend.

• Propper douchebag workout attire includes a wifebeater or Under Armour, regardless of how skinny or pathetic your body is.  Also, wear a hat with the brim rotated 45 degrees to either side and designer “boardshorts”.
• Always lift excessive amounts of weight by performing half, or even quarter reps (only lift or pull a few inches).  This will surely impress everyone in the gym.
• Call all other men in the gym “bro”, even if you’ve never met or seen them before.  Call all the women “girl” (eg. “Hey bro, do you need a spot?” or “What’s up, girl?”)
• Walk around as if you were carrying a pair of invisible basketballs under your arms.  Everyone will think you are huge if you do this.
• Hit on all the women in the gym who don’t appear to be there with their boyfriends or husbands.  This is your number one prority at the gym (your number two priority is working out).
• Grunt and scream at the top of the lungs with every rep so everyone will pay attention to you and see how tough you are.
• Be prepared with a list of excuses to use everytime you are only able to complete a few reps. Eg. “Usully I can do 12 reps, but I hurt my shoulder last night drinking brewskis with my bros.”
• Everytime you catch a glimpse of an attractive woman in the mirror, mention how hot she is to person working out next to you.
• Tell everybody you are training to be a cage fighter.
• Let all your friends know that you “used to be huge”, but you “got tired of being so big”.
• After every set, pose in the mirror and admire how pumped you are.
• Don’t worry about putting your weights away.  Leave the plates on the bar so the next person who uses it can admire how much you can lift.
• When working in with someone, always lift more than them.  Remember your list of excuses if you can’t. Eg: “I normally go heavier, but I’m just doing a light day today”.
• In the change room, spend as much time as possible walking around with your shirt off. 

These days, as several professional athletes have pointed out, anybody with a remarkable physique is always accused of taking steroids.  Even athletes who have consistantly proven clean in drug tests are still labeled as steroid users; critics always believe that they have somehow "cheated" the test.  A popular subject of ancient Grecian artwork is the muscular male body.  In order to create these sculptures, artists must have had people to model for them.  I don’t know a lot about the history of steroids, but I’m fairly certain that ancient Grecians did not know about steroids or intermuscular injections.  In fact, they did not have multivitamins, protein shakes, creatine monohydrate, argenine supplements or test boosters, either.  Yet if the men who modeled for these sculptures thousands of years ago were alive today, they would be constantly accused of "being on the juice".  Thats just one more reason why I would never use steroids: Just to prove the critics wrong.  You dont need steroids to look good.