JediBB’s BodyBlog

So my girlfriend just sent me this little blurb and I found it quite entertaining. Enlightening actually- I always wondered what was going through the heads of people that I trained and never came back… Enjoy.

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of
personal training at the local health club for me. ,Although I am still in great
shape since being a high school cheerleader 43
years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named
Brad, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model
for athletic clothing and swimwear. My daughter seemed pleased with my
enthusiasm to get started!

The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart  my progress.

MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well
worth it when I arrived at the  health club to find Brad waiting for me. He
is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling
white smile. Woo Hoo!! Brad gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I
enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class
after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Brad was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching
from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a
FANTASTIC week-!!
 
TUESDAY:
 
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Brad
made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put
weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the
full mile. Brad’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!!
It’s a whole new life for me.
 
WEDNESDAY:
 
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter
and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in
both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop.  I
parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
 
Brad was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club
members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when
he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt
when I got on the treadmill, so Brad put me on the stair monster. Why the
heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete
by  elevators? Brad told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life.

He said some other crap, too.

 THURSDAY :
 
Brad was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin,
cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late.

Brad took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and
hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me.

FRIDAY:
I hate that Brad more than any human being has ever hated any other human
being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little
$#@*. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain,
I would beat him with it.

Brad wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you
don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the dang barbells or anything
that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed
on a health and nutrition teacher.
 
Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir
director?
 
SATURDAY :

Brad left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice
wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to
smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even
use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather
Channel.

SUNDAY :
I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my
daughter (the little snot) will choose a gift for me that is fun –like a
root canal or a hysterectomy.
 

Three exercises absolutely kicked the crap outta me. I may do calves later today. I may not. Anyway hope everybody has an awesome weekend.

Leg Curl

60×50

100×20

110×15

3 @ 120×10

Leg Extension

80×50

100×25

120×20

2 @ 150×12

Leg Press

505×50

595×35

Incline Dumbbell Press

80×50

100×18

Smith Bench Lockouts from 90 degrees

315×2 I was going to do sets of 5 but that set of 50 with the 80’s fried me- so I said screw the heavy stuff lol

Bench

225×15

2 @ 225×10

Cable Crossover

3 @ 100×20

 Again another day with lots of reps, but hey I’m diggin it.

Short but sweet weight workout, but I did a bunch of cardio today because I was working on the treadmills, wound up cruising a few miles getting everything ironed out.

the weights:

Wide Grip Pulldown

250×15; 300×15

Chins

bodyweight x 35; bodyweight x 25

Stiff Arm Rope Pushdowns

120×20; 150×20; 200×12

Wide Grip Pull Ups

2 @ bodyweight x 15

I dunno, just felt like reppin sh*t out today. Lower overall set volume but since the sets were so high rep I got a pretty sick pump.

Dumbbell Curl Rack Run

25 lbs up to 40’s and back down in 5 lbs increments- 7 reps per weight. (56 reps total)

Pushdown Stack Run

60 through 200 (20 lbs jumps) for 10 reps each (80 reps total)

Incline Dumbbell Curl

45×10, 55×8

Overhead Dumbbell Extension

2 @ 100×20

Dumbbell Laterals

25×40

Machine Overhead Press

stack x 22

Rear Laterals

40×20

Cable Curl/Reverse Cable Curl Superset

100×15/70×12

Overhead Cable Extensions w/ rope handle

2 @ 120×30

Man, I am officially the most sore that I have ever been. That heavy half deadlifting stuff nearly killed me (that and the fact that I’ve only had like 14 hours sleep this week). I swear that I was gonna have nervous system failure last night while I was laying in bed trying to sleep lol. Everything just felt super whacked out. Weird sh*t. So I opted out of the leg workout today. Good choice, no way I could have had a worthwhile session today. Instead, I did a handful of sets for a bunch of random parts (arms, calves rotator cuffs etc) with next to no resistance. I strongly believe in getting a little extra blood to the muscles without tearing em up too badly to enhance recovery. So yeah now I’m going to sit here and veg. Take it easy people.

Little bit sluggish today but I warmed up a little as it went on. Napped way too close to lifting today.

Dumbbell Military

100×12

Push Press

225×12

245×8

Laterals

40×10

50×8

60×6

Rear Laterals

3 @ 45×10

Upright Row

135×12

155×8

Big new lift- actually managed to get 955 up in rack deads (start just above the knee).

Rack Deads

585×5

675×5

845×2

955×1

Barbell Row

225×15

315×15

365×8

Wide Grip Pull Ups

Bodyweight x 20

Wide Nuetral Grip Pull Downs

2 @ 250×10

Stiff Arm Rope Pushdowns

110×40

120×35

Incline Skull Crushers

115×10

135×6

Rope Pushdowns

200×12

180×15

One Arm Overhead Extensions

30×18

40×10

955 part way up

Dumbbell Incline

65×10

100×10

100×10

Bench

225×8

315×5

335×2

275×6

225×8

Cable Crossovers

2 @ 110×12

Palms Up Front Raises

25×12

30×12

35×12

Dumbbell Curl

65×8

80×6

Reverse Scott Curl

2 @ 85×6

Hammer Curls

100×6

100×5

High Pulley Cable Curl

2 @ 90×12

Short workout but it was intense. I’m quite pleased with it actually.

Leg Press

8 plates x 15; 12 plates x 15; 16 plates x 15; 22 plates x 15; 22 plates +Cody (205 or 210 lbs) x 14

Stiff Leg Dumbbell Deads

2 @ 75×12

Leg Curl

120×12

150×6

Dumbbell Lunge superset with Dumbbell Walking Lunge

65×4/50 yds with 30’s