April 17, 2008
So if you hadn’t read my last blog it was basically how last week i had a 3 day break. I ate whatever i felt like and only worked out 5 days last week as opposed to my usual six. Now just when i was having some compassion for myself and giving me a break, i weighed myself this morning AND I GAINED 1.5PDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I couldn’t believe it????? like WTF?!?!? It made me want to break down and cry!! I can’t even have a 3 day break (the first in like 8months) without gaining F%^&ing weight????!?!?!
This made me discover why i gained so much weight last year and ballooned to over 145pds!! I can’t stick with this type of strick dieting & exercising all to be at a weight that is normal for my height and bone structure!!! I just want to have a huge pitty party for myself because i am discovering (once again- resulted in weight gain) that i either work out 6 days a week and eat little to nothing to just MAINTAIN a normal weight of around 120, or i can either exercise like 4 days a week and STILL eat little like 4 days a week (allowing treats here and there- and by treats i mean granola cereal or carbs so nothing like fastfood or icecream- yuck) and be overweight for my height!!!!
i don’t know anyone else who diets and exercises the way i do and they go out to eat during the week, drink juice & eat treats all the time and don’t worry about dieting and what not and they all weigh what i weigh right now!!!!!!!!!!
i am just so blue and don’t want to except that i am doomed to be one of those people who has to diet all the time in order to look half decent…. i still have a huge ass and my legs and arms jiggle and i could stand to lose another 5pds but now i am getting closer and closer to back to where i started. I am already wanting to just say **** it and sleepover at the b/fs house again and not go to the gym tomorrow!! AND THAT WOULD MEAN GAINING ANOTHER 1.5PDS next week!!!! then i would be 121pds!!! this is so not fair….. i just want to be normal…… i want to be like everyone else…. this is not fair…….. 
i just dont know what to do….
Posted in Training
April 13, 2008
This weekend, well from thurs-sat i totally went on a binge. I am so dissappointed in myself. Well it wasnt a binge per say, i just ate a lot more than i need too! Thursday i went out for sushi, had 6 california roll pcs and a bowl of chicken stirfry and then later that night i had 2 big bowls of granola cereal!!! Friday i had a subway footlong roasted chicken sandwhich and then again 2 big bowls of granola! and saturday i had another subway sandwhich and 3 BOWLS of granola cereal!!! ahhhh…. my stomach felt so bloated last night and this morning as well!!! It looks like im pregnant!!!
I feel so horrible, i don’t know why i did it? i was super down last week and was kind of fed up with dieting & exercising u know? so i just went all out. I feel like im not getting the results i want u know? I want to look good in a bikini and want to tone up my legs more but its just getting to be hard!!! I w/o 6 days a week and feel i should be getting a better result then i am!!!
I want to forget about it but i just can’t!!! I am even considering doing it again this weekend!!! Just go over to my boyfriends house thursday night, not work out friday and just do it all again!!!
hmmmmm im just frustrated and confused and when im blue i go shopping… which is not good!!! lol
Posted in Training
March 21, 2008
I am still not getting use to this 0.5pd a week weightloss… it totally sucks!! last week i didn’t even lose anything!!! I know i am at the stage where the last 5pds are going to be a bitch to lose, but i guess i just feel that the amount of work i do at the gym and my diet i should be losing more!!!! i am trying to stay positive but its so hard after being dissappointed every week…
My boyfriend has booked us a hotel out of town for my birthday and that is going to involve going out for dinner, which i haven’t done in a long time. I am comfortable with eating a stirfry and what not, but i know he will want to get dessert and with the kind of results i have been getting, i don’t feel i deserve to have dessert at this point in time. I know u all will say "well share it, have only a bite, or only have yogurt" or something but i am an "all in or all out person" i either it a large brownie or i don’t eat anything!!! and then he will want to go out for breakfast and everything…. ugggggg i am already anxcious!!! I HATE BEING LIKE THIS!!! WHY CANT I JUST BE NORMAL AND ENJOY A WEEKEND GETAWAY WITH MY BOYFRIEND WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT f%^&%# FOOD AND DIETING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hate our culture….
Posted in Training
March 21, 2008
I am still not getting use to this 0.5pd a week weightloss… it totally sucks!! last week i didn’t even lose anything!!! I know i am at the stage where the last 5pds are going to be a bitch to lose, but i guess i just feel that the amount of work i do at the gym and my diet i should be losing more!!!! i am trying to stay positive but its so hard after being dissappointed every week…
My boyfriend has booked us a hotel out of town for my birthday and that is going to involve going out for dinner, which i haven’t done in a long time. I am comfortable with eating a stirfry and what not, but i know he will want to get dessert and with the kind of results i have been getting, i don’t feel i deserve to have dessert at this point in time. I know u all will say "well share it, have only a bite, or only have yogurt" or something but i am an "all in or all out person" i either it a large brownie or i don’t eat anything!!! and then he will want to go out for breakfast and everything…. ugggggg i am already anxcious!!! I HATE BEING LIKE THIS!!! WHY CANT I JUST BE NORMAL AND ENJOY A WEEKEND GETAWAY WITH MY BOYFRIEND WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT f%^&%# FOOD AND DIETING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hate our culture….
Posted in Training
March 21, 2008
I am still not getting use to this 0.5pd a week weightloss… it totally sucks!! last week i didn’t even lose anything!!! I know i am at the stage where the last 5pds are going to be a bitch to lose, but i guess i just feel that the amount of work i do at the gym and my diet i should be losing more!!!! i am trying to stay positive but its so hard after being dissappointed every week…
My boyfriend has booked us a hotel out of town for my birthday and that is going to involve going out for dinner, which i haven’t done in a long time. I am comfortable with eating a stirfry and what not, but i know he will want to get dessert and with the kind of results i have been getting, i don’t feel i deserve to have dessert at this point in time. I know u all will say "well share it, have only a bite, or only have yogurt" or something but i am an "all in or all out person" i either it a large brownie or i don’t eat anything!!! and then he will want to go out for breakfast and everything…. ugggggg i am already anxcious!!! I HATE BEING LIKE THIS!!! WHY CANT I JUST BE NORMAL AND ENJOY A WEEKEND GETAWAY WITH MY BOYFRIEND WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT f%^&%# FOOD AND DIETING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hate our culture….
Posted in Training
March 21, 2008
I am still not getting use to this 0.5pd a week weightloss… it totally sucks!! last week i didn’t even lose anything!!! I know i am at the stage where the last 5pds are going to be a bitch to lose, but i guess i just feel that the amount of work i do at the gym and my diet i should be losing more!!!! i am trying to stay positive but its so hard after being dissappointed every week…
My boyfriend has booked us a hotel out of town for my birthday and that is going to involve going out for dinner, which i haven’t done in a long time. I am comfortable with eating a stirfry and what not, but i know he will want to get dessert and with the kind of results i have been getting, i don’t feel i deserve to have dessert at this point in time. I know u all will say "well share it, have only a bite, or only have yogurt" or something but i am an "all in or all out person" i either it a large brownie or i don’t eat anything!!! and then he will want to go out for breakfast and everything…. ugggggg i am already anxcious!!! I HATE BEING LIKE THIS!!! WHY CANT I JUST BE NORMAL AND ENJOY A WEEKEND GETAWAY WITH MY BOYFRIEND WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT f%^&%# FOOD AND DIETING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hate our culture….
Posted in Training
March 21, 2008
I am still not getting use to this 0.5pd a week weightloss… it totally sucks!! last week i didn’t even lose anything!!! I know i am at the stage where the last 5pds are going to be a bitch to lose, but i guess i just feel that the amount of work i do at the gym and my diet i should be losing more!!!! i am trying to stay positive but its so hard after being dissappointed every week…
My boyfriend has booked us a hotel out of town for my birthday and that is going to involve going out for dinner, which i haven’t done in a long time. I am comfortable with eating a stirfry and what not, but i know he will want to get dessert and with the kind of results i have been getting, i don’t feel i deserve to have dessert at this point in time. I know u all will say "well share it, have only a bite, or only have yogurt" or something but i am an "all in or all out person" i either it a large brownie or i don’t eat anything!!! and then he will want to go out for breakfast and everything…. ugggggg i am already anxcious!!! I HATE BEING LIKE THIS!!! WHY CANT I JUST BE NORMAL AND ENJOY A WEEKEND GETAWAY WITH MY BOYFRIEND WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT f%^&%# FOOD AND DIETING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hate our culture….
Posted in Training
February 15, 2008
AHHHHHHH oh my god i lost 1.5pds this week!!! WHOO HOO!!!! i was so shocked!!! I literally weighed myself like 5x over because i didn’t believe it!! but its true!!! I was getting so frustrated with only losing 0.5pds a week and so when this came u could emagine how excited i was!!! Now i am well on my way to my birthday goal!!! I only need to lose around 0.5pds a week to be 120 by mar 27!!!
What a great start to the weekend!!!
Posted in Training
February 8, 2008
So i am not enjoying this 0.5 pds weekly weight loss!!!
I know i know, i should be happy im losing anything but i just can’t seem to lose more than that!!! And at this rate i will never be able to reach my goal for my b-day (Mar 27). Thats only 49 days away so to reach 120pds i gotta lose at least 0.7 pds a week!! arggg!!! I don’t know if i can do it…
Im trying my hardest!! I work out 6 days a week, change up my program, staying clean on my 1200cal diet and i can’t seem to lose as much as i would like!!!!!! I am not sure where to go from here? I know that this last 10pds is going to be the hardest to lose but i guess i am just really anxcious!!! My all time goal is to look great for the summer so i got plenty of time!!! 
im still angry tho… hmmmm what to do?!?!
Posted in Training
January 25, 2008
So i am going to have to go on a bit of a rant because no one can seem to give me any advice so maybe cursing to the internet world will help me find some of my own!!!
A brief history of jenna: was 120pds once round 15yrs old, got a trainer & went on a diet (out of bordem), took losing weight a little too far, became anorexic, still have some ED behaviours but believe i have recovered. After getting admitted to the hospital finally (age 18) at under 90pds i decided to get better but then i gained over 50pds!!
The last few months i have been losing alot of weight in a healthy way!!!! for real, i am so done with anorexia and i wish ppl would leave me alone about it!! it was 2 yrs ago, am i going to be branded with that forever?! but thats another blog lol!! anyways so I have been working out super hard, cleaning up my diet and taking care of myself the best way i can!! and am getting amazing results and have a reasonable goal in mind!!
SOOOO the last month or so my mom has been pestering me to go out with her! and she NEVER asks me to do anything so i was kinda wierded out! I finally said "why all of a sudden do u wanna do something with me?" She responded "i want the world to see how beautiful you have gotten!!!" HAVE GOTTEN? WHAT?!?!?! So when i was slightly over weight u thought i wasnt beautiful and that is why u never wanted to do something with me before?!!?
AND THEN the next moment she will tell me she is concerned im losing too much weight and that i should stop dieting and working out so much?! R U KIDDING ME?!?! She use to incourage me to lose weight when i was 150pds and then when i do lose weight she gets all excited and asked me to go out with her but meanwhile says i should stop losing so much weight and maybe gain some back?!?!?! I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE IS DOING?!??! No wonder i have an eating disorder!!! I have a mother who only ever talks to me about is my weight!!!! Nothing ever makes her happy, not that i give a shit about what makes her happy because i am not doing any of this for her!!! nor have i ever!!!
argggg so i have just decided that she is just jealious. She feels guilty that she eats like garbage and isnt active so she wants me to be my old fat self so she doesn’t feel so miserable about her lazy life!! EXCEPT for when she wants to go out, she wants to have a beautiful daughter by her side to make herself look good or something? i don’t even know!!!!
So thats my rant!!! i do feel alot better!! and i feel ever GREATER because i lost another pound this week!!! WHOOHOO!! Good start to the weekend!!
xoxoxoxox
Posted in Training
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