Renga: Brickish

So I re-read my last post, and I believe that there has been further development. I’ve been giving thought to where said traditionalist leanings take me elsewhere. A good deal I think points back down to where I came from. Not in a go back to the parents sense, but in habits. I am still, even martial as I am now, a geek and I’ve been revisiting this over the past few weeks and it feels a little better. That isn’t a stop on martial arts, just that I realize that I am, as previously stated, just as geeky about it as I am about everything else.

Presently, I am still not training actively in any martial or physical art outside of Amtgard. I’m planning on taking the last five weeks of school (Starting this sunday) and using them to make a base to start out for next semester on, focusing almost exclusively on improving my Amtgard and Dagohir skills. I’m not bothering with a diet–Here, these have no purpose–but more with realigning my class to Warrior and working on building my fighting skills and strength. I’m going to bulk, end of story. I don’t know what to call it past that.

I’ll put up a plan at some point, but a lot of it relies on working with my roomate who already hits the gym regularly. That should help me get myself there.

It kind of bothers me to say this, but the nagging feeling has finally won out. I think that the time I’ve spent learning Jiu-Jitsu has sort of put a different opinion in me of where I am and what I want.

I have been experiencing a rash of depression that I had thought was the onset of the normal melancholy that falls on me every autumn. Its truly annoying, let me tell you, and it was causing a substantial amount of stress in me. So much that I experienced a constant stress fever that drove my roomate to seek a warmer climate because of the amount of air conditioning I was using to keep myself cool.

Anyway, in the past few days I have decided to quit the dojo I’m at now and move on. I was really confused as to why I had decided this above and beyond realizing that the amount of time (15 hours) spent going to and from there was more than I was working or in class, and most of that is travel time. So it was diminishing. This however, was not the answer.

I was also concerned: turns out that their fight team is sponsored by a head shop, something that I find a little hypocritical. As far as I’ve learned, martial arts of any stripe are always an improvement in the body mind and spirit, and that lifestyle does not particularly contribute to any of those aspects. (Nothing against stoners–I just don’t think a dojo should be supported by a head shop.)

As I thought about it, I realized that my issue was more in the word than anything. School is what they always called themselves, but I keep saying dojo. I realize that this points to me wanting to be traditional. Not to mention a lot of time in jiu-jitsu I would be staring across at the traditional kenpo class that was going on on the other mat. This marks me deeply.

I realize that my ideal goal is to get back to training with sensei, and that this has never been about winning or losing for me. This was something that was rather emphasized there. It’s always been a matter of learning myself, control, and spiritual building, not a win. I’m not in this to be a tough guy, and I realize how much of an MMA poser I’ve been over the past few months.

I really, deeply am a traditionalist. Perpetuating the traditions of the old days is within me more than anything. I realize this becuase of something I wrote: in reimagining Dante’s Hell from "The Inferno", I placed the second worst sin in the world as betraying tradition, right before betraying the self. That, then, is a straight up indication and I believe I should take heed.

Thus, I am banishing this idea of me fighting MMA. Though it may still happen, it’s definitely not what I’m focused on. Point sparring may not be as exciting, but I do enjoy it. It is a very good thing for me, and lets face it, I’m not in it to win, I’m in it to learn the old ways, to connect with the part of me that still wanders the battlefields of the past, to find the place I held in the past and hopefully that will lead me one day to where I am to be in the present.

I want to thank ElvisC, SenseiD, MMAFanatic and Kevin_Mattison on here for a lot of inspiration. They’re truly committed to their goals and I wish I was half as determined as they were. I will be one day. For now, I need to find myself a proper Dojo and get back where I belong.

Tuesday was my first win by actual submission. I nailed the guy that started training at the same time I did with a leg-based kimura or something. All I know was that his arm was between my legs and going in the wrong direction, so I could care less what it’s called. It worked. He tapped, and now I’ve my first submission.

Now that means I need to get back in there and do it a couple hundred thousand more times. Sounds good to me, no?

Anyway, so I did pick up an injury (I think) later that night. My shoulder has a twinge in it between the neck and the actual shoulder, and it hurts when streched. I’m going to have it looked at this weekend by my friend who does Accupressure (I see him more than sensei and he learned from sensei) and see what he thinks, because it feels like something that can be moved back in, but if its not, then I’ll take steps to see. Either way, I can’t go back because it was sore enough Wednesday that I decided I had to take off until I got it looked at. Hopefully it’s nothing, because I’ve got momentum.

My flowchart is also progressing nicely. I’ve been scribbling the names down with links between them on a Powerpoint to connect everything and I can see and remember almost everything. I keep seeing it as a sort of menu system, which I know is really geeky, but has been working and adding options to said menu is working wonders for me memorizing where and what happens where and when.