Jamie M’s BodyBlog

Since Ramadan started, I’ve found it much easier than I expected. I’ve been eating good and hitting the gym at night. I have been able to lift heavy most days and have better workouts than I’ve had in the past. it’s awesome! I’ve been keeping track of my macros a little differently because of the temporary eating schedule. I get free food at work, so I don’t keep track as well there. Luckily I only have 1 meal a day there.

The main issue with food is the mornings. I have a hard time getting up so early to eat. I’ve noticed that when I do manage getting up to eat, I feel sick after the meal to the point that I threw up a little yesterday. When I don’t have a meal, I feel more energetic and don’t even notice the hunger throughout the day. I also notice a little bit of a sick feeling if I go overboard at iftar. I might try eating something different in the mornings or maybe have a little less food. I’m not sure, I’ll figure it out.

Today went pretty good, didn’t get a chance to eat this morning because my alarm didn’t go off. I did better than I thought on my English essay and got a perfect score on my Islam test(surprise surprise). It was also my turn to lead the prayer for girls in the MSA center. I was freaked out about it, but they told me what to do. I also went to the gym and tajweed prayer at the bigger mosque.

1) Bad drivers 2) People who think they know everything 3) Being unable to go to the gym when I want 4) When I oversleep, especially while fasting so I can’t eat or drink anything. 5) people who think a piece of cloth makes you a good Muslim

List will be updated as needed…

I had a decent workout last night and was able to go pretty heavy on my legs. My workouts have been thrown off a little because of Ramadan. Yesterday went pretty well.

This morning I overslept, so I couldn’t eat anything. I need to get a new phone because I’m dropping mine constantly and it hardly works. I also hate those phone cards. I’ve tried a few different brands and can never get a good connection between here and Pakistan. I’m lucky if I can even get a connection half the time because it usually goes to a busy signal lately, when I know the number I’m calling isn’t busy.

I also need to find a way to get some money to go there. I’m thinking of just selling my card because there’s a good chance I’ll stay. I only work part time and the pay could be better. I want to get over there asap.

That’s enough ranting for now. I need to go to class.

Part of me is unsure as to whether or not I want to compete. I’ve been thinking of my religous beliefs compared to what I’d need to do for the competition, and I’m not sure if it adds up. I think I may just want to look like I could compete and save my money for a vacation.

I have decided to write about the time before I started lifting and describe what led me to it. It involves a lot of pain and I thought it would be helpful for myself and all the young women out there who may find themselves in a similar situation.

I was always the good little girl until I turned 16. At that age, I fell apart. I was tired of being teased in school and having the "good girl" image. I started hanging around the cool group and started smoking, drinking, and doing drugs. During this time, my parents tried to get me involved in modeling, which never worked out.

By the time I was 17, I had made a complete turnaround. Every day would involve me skipping school to get stoned, getting into trouble, and running from people. I even got my driver’s license suspended after having it for less than a year.

I dyed my hair various random colors from ice blue to fuschia to hot pink. Sometimes I spiked it or put it in a mohawk. I wore super short skirts and chains with 5 or 6 necklaces and bracelets up to my elbows. I guess most people would have called me a punk.

I enjoyed going into mosh pits and concerts and sometimes started them up at school.

I was outside having a snowball fight with some of the girls, which the boys were enjoying, and I saw the one who would be my first and only serious boyfriend.

At first, he treated me like gold, telling me he loved me and would do anything for me. Soon, his attitude changed. He would control every aspect of my life. He told me how to dress, get rid of all my friends, not to go back to school. He wouldn’t even allow me to find a job. He’d force me to do things I didn’t want to do.

He emotionally abused me at first, calling me a whore, b*tch, slut, and others. I was scared to break up with him because he said if I did he would kill me. I never told my parents about how he treated me because I was scared to, and he always put on a good act around them.

That summer he threatened me into going to Pennsylvania with him for a few months. I managed to get away from him for a short time when my family needed me to come home. He left a short time later and came back to me. He told me he came all the way across the country for me and I better not break up with him.

I took off from my house for awhile and he came with me. It was there that he hit me for the first time. I wanted to get a job and he started flipping out, which led into an argument. He hit me in the face three times.

I moved out of my house a few months later and he insisted on living with me. He had been weightlifting the entire time we were together, and he wouldn’t allow me to do it unless I used a 5 pound dumbell.

He hit me a couple more times while we were in the first apartment and I tried to break it off with him again. He unplugged the phone and came at me with a knife. I stood there and stared at him, realizing he couldn’t do it.

He held the knife against his own throat and started to scream out that he would do it. I grabbed his arm and told him not to. I couldn’t break up with him if he was like that.

I had to go to the doctor a few weeks later and she said I was having trouble sleeping because of lack of exercise. I told him that and he agreed that I could start lifting. He just wouldn’t allow me to leave the house on my own, which he rarely allowed anyway.

A couple years, later we moved into a townhouse. I was getting good results from my lifting and was secretly wanting to compete, though I never told him those desires.

My 21st birthday soon came and I gave myself the best present possible. I realized I was stronger than he was and he didn’t love me. I wanted to break up with him and move on with my life. I told my mother what I wanted to do.

I remember the exact words I said to him. I also remember the stunned look on his face when I said it.

"I can’t be with you anymore. I don’t care if you kill me or kill yourself. I will even give you the knife to kill me with if that’s what you want because I would rather die than live the rest of my life with you."

I think it was the weights that gave me the courage to break up with him. Before I lifted, I feared for myself every day and cried myself to sleep.

He watched as I went back to school and started to go out with my family again. He was angry the day I went to talk with Carla Sanchez about the PR team. Last time I spoke to him, I told him I was prepping for my first competition.

This all ended a few months ago, and I’m looking forward to the future. I’m hoping to get into journalism and start traveling. I want to see everything I never was allowed to see with him. I get to live my life now.

I had a pretty fun weekend despite moving. 

Friday was the big moving day and we got everything over to the house. I had to do all the heavy lifting which irritated me at first. I didn’t get much unpacking done that day because I was too tired, so I went to Tokyo Joe’s and got a cheat then went to bed.

Saturday I woke up at like 4 in the morning. I guess that happens when you fall asleep at 7 the night before. I started unpacking then I decided to take a little drive up to Red Rocks. I walked around and went up and down the stairs. Excellent cardio workout by the way! I’m going to have to take some pictures of it to show everyone.

After Red Rocks, I went to the Mills. I walked around trying to decide on a new look. Post break-up thing I guess, even though it has been 6 months. I stopped and looked at some sketches an artist was doing. The artist was not paying attention to anyone and just drawing away no matter how many stopped and stared. He stopped when I was a few feet away looking at the drawings and stared at me for a second. "WOW! You’re gorgeous!" he said. We chatted for a little bit. I might have him draw me or something, not sure yet.

After that, I went to a friend’s graduation party. They were having barbecue for dinner, so I just had some chicken and beef with the tiniest drizzle of sauce.

Sunday, I went to Dinosaur Ridge which is near Red Rocks. I walked around and looked at the fossils. It was very interesting now probably because I understand it more than I did when I was a kid.

After that, I drove downtown and went to the 16th Street Mall. I managed to get a pair of Chanel sunglasses from a vendor on the street corner. I don’t know if they’re real or not, but I got them for $5 when he wanted $20. I think I’m getting the hang of the haggling thing. I also had someone ask for my number there, but I turned him down. He just seemed like the type who only wanted me for my body and I will not go with someone like that.

I came home after that and my dad made beef and shrimp kabobs which were yummy. He’s being very sensitive about my diet, which I LOVE! He has been checking everything with me to see if I can eat it or not. I also talked with his business partner, who said my delts look broader. I’m not sure if they do, but I’m looking at them through my own eyes. Maybe I’ll have my mom take some pictures. The ones my dad took are hard to see my muscularity in because he was standing too far away.

Monday, I mostly stayed at home. I went to Crown Hill lake and did a circuit workout. I jogged around it and stopped at the stations to do pull-ups, decline crunches, and push-ups. The lake was my gym and it was AWESOME!

I came home for a little bit after that and talked on bb.com. Then I left again and took a drive through Red Rocks and Morrison. 

Yes, I did get all of my unpacking done . I just need to set up my gym equipment now, but that can be done eventually.

So I went to meet my ex at Safeway last night to give him some of his mail. He started his pathetic BS when he tries to act like we’re still dating. I can’t stand it, because we have been broken up for about 6 months and I’m pretty much over him. He’s constantly asking if I’m going out with "some pretty little queer" as he puts it.  There are 3 reasons it bothers me when he does this.1)I don’t know anybody.2) It’s none of his business whether or not I’m going out with anybody. I can if I want to.3)I’m not quite ready to get into a serious relationship unless I met a really nice guy.So I tried to make it quick, and he just kept trying to talk to me. He tried to grab my breast and I slapped the s*** out of him and threatened to call the cops. I think that gave him the idea.He was also bragging about eating candy and chocolate and offering me some. I was thinking, is this the sleazy road side food pimp? Evil little boy he is…not a man, just a boy. So just to make him jealous I started talking about some of the guys I’ve seen on here. It worked quite well.

I was driving to the store a little while ago and I see it. This guy is probably about 300 pounds of pure fat, not much more than 5 feet tall. He was wearing bright orange spandex shorts that he really didn’t fit into. He also had no shirt and had the plumber’s crack thing going on. I can’t get the image out of my head.

I get so tired of people tail gating me lately. I usually go about 5 over the limit and they still ride my a**. I swear one of these days, I’m going to slam on the brake and let them slam into me. They deserve it! And these are the people who when you’re behind them, go slow as Hell and can’t even go the limit! It’s ridiculous.

I think it’s funny that the driving books tell you not to think bad thoughts or say names while they’re doing it! It’s better than throwing the car into park leaping out and punching them in the face! And to not call them stupid or an idiot is completely irrational considering that is what they are! I’m sure everyone agrees with that!

I just checked my grades for school and it looks like I’ll be getting a 4.0 GPA. It’s been a long time since I’ve done that, lol. I’m probably going to transfer to Metro for the fall, but haven’t officially decided.

I’m getting tired of my ex calling and asking where I am and who I’m with. It’s over, don’t you get it! Soon, he won’t know where to call because I’m moving back to my parents’ temporarily and won’t need a regular phone(still have my cell) and he doesn’t know my cell number.

I was wearing my camouflage shorts yesterday and went into the mall. All of a sudden I heard "I suddenly have an urge to join the Army…" I looked to see who was behind me, expecting the previously mentioned horny teenage boys, but instead I saw a guy I used to know from my school.