Being Jaded611

A former coworker stopped by to visit my office on Friday.   He left us weighing 375 lbs at 5′8" and had just joined weight watchers.  When I heard the knock on my door, I turned around in my chair with a smile on my face, eager to see his transformation.

He was no longer 375 lbs.  He was now 495 lbs.  Taking up the whole width of my door frame he was unable to walk in, and had to turn sideways to do so.  His weight and balance supported by cane, he walked slowly towards me.  I know that proper etiquette would have demanded that I smile widely and ignore the pink elephant in the room, but I couldn’t do it.  "Oh Jan," I said quietly.  "I know," he replied just as quietly.

What followed what a slew of excuses which all boiled down to the same thing: laziness.  Unable to find a job as an armed guard (because really, who in their right mind would hire a man who couldn’t perform his most basic job descriptions?), he settled for collecting a disability check and filing discrimination lawsuits.  He attempted to mask his misery by painting a great picture of his life now:  No work, no responsibilities, tv all day, and unlimited freedom.  That last one did it for me.  "Unlimited freedom?  To do what?  You can barely walk, you’re confined to your home, and you’re becoming a hermit.  Jan, you’re not living. You’re dying."  

In retrospect I realize I could’ve been a more tactful, but this is where everyone else’s tact had gotten him.  He refused to take responsibility for himself, for his life, and I knew that there was great possibility that Jan would not make it through 2009.  I saw my future in him, and if ever there was a need for a source of motivation I will forever have etched in my mind the resignation in his eyes.  He had given up before starting.

My life is worth something.  I will fight this with everything I have and I will become the person I’ve always wanted to be.

I just wish that Jan felt the same way.

4:15am (alarm goes off): Huh? Wha? Oh my God it’s the middle of the night…need more sleep…maybe I should just work out tonight…so tired…I  think I  hear rain…my new sneakers are going to get dirty….definitely working out tonight…(large sigh, climb out of bed).

4:50am (arrive at the bus stop, fiddle with my mp3 player) Ah sh*t!  So glad I put the rock mix on.  This song rocks!  Ok, I’m waking up a bit (start bopping head to Stupify-by Disturbed).

5:10am (on the treadmill running in intervals) Pain is weakness leaving the body…visualize yourself running in the body you want…muscular legs, flat stomach…visualize…Check out your muscles flexing!…Go!…Breathe!!!…This is mine, no one can take this away from me…

5:45am (on the leg press) So heavy….push…push…this is nothing, I can lift more than this…this is light…now is when the magic happens, when I don’t think I can do anymore…I can push past this, I can get these reps out (pump out all of my reps, add an extra 2 reps for good measure)

6:00am (walking to the barbells) Lady are you serious?  Was it necessary to bathe in perfume to come work out?!

6:10am (doing deadlifts) Ok, I make some serious ugly faces when I’m working out…scary…

6:30am (walking out of the gym) Yes…it’s over!  I kicked ass and took names! Ugh, I can barely walk…ow…ow…ow…

6:50am (waking up hubby) Hey baby, I’m home (kiss, kiss, kiss)…What?…Well yeah I’m funky, I just came back from the gym! (stomp off to take a shower)

6:52am (walk back into the room and give him an extra whiff of gym funk, just because I can!)

And that was my morning.

2008 is over!

It took 16 lbs of fat with it, and though I didn’t reach my goal of being under 200 lbs by Dec 31st I came pretty damn close.  I’m starting 2009 at 211 and saying goodbye to 227.  See ya!

I’ve left behind lethargy, sickness, shame, and excuses.  I’ve left behind a person who couldn’t climb a set of stairs without reaching for an asthma inhaler.  I’ve left behind a person who could barely get through her work day but wound up working two jobs (not easily, but she still did it).  However, I have brought over the person who despises taking a picture in her underwear, because really, who enjoys doing that when you have so much work ahead of you?
No one really enjoyed the "I’m naked in a room full of people" dream we had as a kid and this is no different.  Maybe that will change when I get my kick ass body lol.

This year it’s all about ME.  I’m putting myself first.  Right now my clothes are laid out for the gym (5am) and my bag is packed.  I’ve changed my schedule at my 2nd job to make room for my workouts.  Those are now non-negotiable.

My short term goal is to reach 199 by February 1st.  February 2nd is my business trip to Tucson Arizona and I REFUSE to have the seat belt on the plane just barely fit me.  Nope, don’t think so.

My long term goal has been dubbed Operation Jessica Rabbit!  But with muscles! lol  It’s no fun having a natural sashay when everything else is jiggling on you.  Not cute.  So, by the end of May 2009 just in time for my business trip to Las Vegas (woo-hoo!) I will be 40 lbs lighter and looking incredibly buff…or buff-like lol, at 170 lbs!  That’s right…hold your applause everyone…thank you, thank you.

I’ve met some great people on this site and I’m so thankful for each and every one of you.  I even made a wonderful friend, who somehow has telepathy and calls/emails me when I need it most (that’s your shout out Amber!).  

Remember, you don’t know where you’re going until you know where you’ve been.  Now go get yours!