JJanet

I went shopping for a bikini today, and it was harder than I thought. I don’t think I’ve actually purchased one inside a store for… I don’t know how long! I’ve always ordered it online, and they’ve all fit perfectly fine! But then I get to a store, and I’m all over the place with sizes and fit and … blah blah blah. I was there for over an hour and didn’t decide on one yet. But there are three that I found cute:

They are (or very close) the following:

#1

#2

#3

Any opinions? I liked all three equally.

I was just reading Lisa’s blog (why is it not letting me link to it?!), and it was about some of the familiar faces she sees at the gym and the nicknames she has for them. Bulldog (still not letting me link!!) posed the question: Do you ever wonder what nickname they have for you? LOL!

Here’s what I think mine probably are:

- Asian woman who wears full makeup while working out

- Woman who wears pink and black nike apparel

- Asian woman with implants (ROLLS EYES! THANKS TRAINER!)

LOL! What do you think people have nicknamed YOU? Let’s hear ‘em!

Someone asked me that question today. I was actully hoping I could get away with meeting my goal without having to answer that very question. LOL. The answer’s sort of stupid. But here it is.

I am taking a quick mini vacation out to Vegas to meet up with some friends. One of my friends is like my big sister. I just love her to death! We’re planning on getting lots of spa treatments, doing tons of shopping, and laying (lying?) out by the beautiful hotel pool. The pool part, of course, is what’s really motivating me. My friend has always said I had the ‘perfect’ body…. blah blah blah. But it would be the first time she would see me with so little on… and it’s almost like… I didn’t want to disappoint her? My thought process behind this is quite muddled because… I don’t really know why this is driving me that hard. Anywho.

Tomorrow, I am going to attempt to find a new swimsuit. I seem to do well with I get rewarded by clothes. LOL! So the next time I see progress, that will be my reward.

 Post Sciptum: I AM NOT A NOSE PICKER. But I must admit… I am a wedgy-picker. A frequent wedgy picker.

I was in my car, stopped at a red light, humming along to some tunes on the radio. It was such a gorgeous day (they are few and numbered in Houston!) - not a hint of humidity in the air, with the sun beating gently down. I love it!! I bought a convertible last year, so I had the top down, my sleeves rolled up, and I was just breathing the fresh… well… sort of fresh air. LOL. My nose was tickling me so I scratched the left side of it, and when I looked up at the light, I noticed this man on my right looking at me with a "WTF!" look on his face. His window was also open, and his voice, dripping with disdain, scoffed "NOSE PICKER" at me!! It was like a Seinfeld episode. LOL!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Today, the glass is half-full. I upped my water, did a full hour of cardio, and am continuing to keep the diet clean! I like Pixi’s mentality - all or something. I’ll need to go back and read my previous blogs when the day is rough. To those who have left me comments, I *really* appreciate the perspectives you guys give me, even when I don’t necessarily agree wtih them. It helps to keep my mind open, and I think having this blog is helping me become a better person. So… Thanks.

… but I’m going to, anyway. For the person who messaged me and asked me why my chest was so much smaller in one of my earlier pics than the one I took yesterday: That picture was taken after I lost a WHOLE bunch of weight - I went down from 145 to about 105, and went from a very hefty chest size to what you see in that picture. I gained back some weight, and when I did, it went immediately to my chest. So there.

 LOL.

In the last few weeks, I’ve been trying to make an effort to be more friendly to people around me. It’s quite an effort for me as my natural impulse is to stay to myself and mind my own business. But in the beginning of this month, I decided to talk to at least one new person, each day, and do my best to make some small talk. I’m NOT good at this. But I’m starting to meet a lot of really cool people, and I’m slowly building my courage. When you walk into my gym, you have to pass all of the memebership advisors, and they’re all men, young and friendly. For some reason, I always avoid eye contact when I pass through this hall. I pretend to put my keys away, or start reaching for my shaker bottle… anything to avoid making eye contact. I always do this when there are men that stare at me.

That must sound stuck up, right? I’m not saying every guy is attracted to me… but when there are, their stares make me incredibly uncomfortable. I guess much of this has to do with how insecure I am and how I am really lacking in the self-esteem department.

The next time this happens, my goal will be to make eye contact right back and give them a smile.

And just for Awwwwwww’s sake, here is my beautiful puppy. My little angel…

Today while I was changing, a lady was watching me. Not in a creepy way, LOL, but in a curious way. She asked me how I got my stomach, and that she wants her stomach to look like mine. Awwww!! MY VERY FIRST STOMACH COMPLIMENT!!! YES!!!!! Anyway, she was asking me what workouts I did, and I tried to explain a little bit of what I did. It was difficult because it was obvious her native language was not English, but I told her if she ever saw me in the gym to come up to me and I would help her out the best I could with a workout. I know, however, that it’s incredibly difficult to see ideal gym results with a poor diet, and I am willing to bet that she would benefit a LOT more from dietary help. But that’s not my place.

There certainly are very few shortcuts when it comes to bodybuilding. It’s like … the universal equalizer. We all start at different points, but to see any results above our baseline requires so much dedication to food and our workouts. When I was talking to that woman, I wanted to explain how hard I work on my diet and my workouts, but I felt like that would be more hurtful than helpful. I hope if I see her again, I find the right words to encourage and help her.

Sooo… no shortcuts to being fit… BUT I found my stubby eylash cure!! I’ve been using a product called Revitalash, that claims to accelerate lash growth and thicken existing lashes! Sounds crazy, right? And at a pricetag of $130, it’s not cheap. But four weeks ago, I started using it and today, I REALLY noticed how much they’ve grown! I went from having TINY, SPARSE STUBS , to longer, thicker, fluttery lashes!!!! I can’t wait to see what they look like after the full treatment time!!

So the other day, I vented a bit about two comments that my personal trainer made - one about another female in the gym, and one about me, both about breast implants. Now, those two comments combined made me uncomfortable… but not uncomfortable enough to do anything about it. The fact is, I’m an extremely passive person. A doormat, one might say. But most people who know me… would think the total opposite. They view me as straightforward, honest, say what’s on my mind, type of person. But the truth is, I’m not. I will only say what I think among a handful of people. Everyone else sees the passive, suppress your emotions, Janet.

I will do almost anything to avoid a confrontation with everyone, except close friends and family. Actually, sometimes I will try to avoid it with them, too, now that I think of it. This is one of my biggest flaws. It is what prevents me from being friendly with people, having more close friends, and allowing myself to freely let down my guard. I’m sooooooo passive. This, I am working on. And maybe one day, I will have the courage to say something like, "Hey Trainer, stop talking about implants! It makes me uncomfortable!" . But for now, I will just acknowledge that his comments were unprofessional, and next time it happens, it would totally be my place to say something about it.

 Now on to the puke. Today’s workout had me sweating so much that I was slipping across the mats and stablizing balls. I normally work up a light sweat, enough to delicately dab with my towel, once every 10 minutes or so. But not today. I was sweating so much that it was running into my eyes, stinging me with the pain of my own salt. My heartrate was consistently above 170 for an hour, with only a few seconds break in between. About 45 minutes into it, I started feeling pretty sick.

"I’m going to puke", I said. He’s all, "PUSH through it! It’s just the lactic acid flooding through your muscles! ONTO THE NEXT SET". So I pushed and pushed. And another 5 minutes, I felt the fluid surging up to the back of my throat… I paused, bent over… and swallowed it down. I finished up my workout, cooled down for 10 minutes, and went down to the change room… and let myself go. I let it ALLLLLLLLLL out until nothing more came out. This is all probably TMI, but this next part is especially gross. So stop reading if you get grossed out. But the puke tasted REALLY good. It didn’t taste sour or disgusting like puke ususally does. It tasted EXACTLY like my protein shake and sweet potatos that I had for breakfast. It left a nice sweet taste in my mouth afterwards.

 LOL. Anyway. On that sweet note, I’ll stop writing.

Last week, I was talking to the trainer about some people in the gym. I mentioned a girl there that I had seen who looked incredibly strong! She was more muscular than any female I had ever seen (in person), and I was saying how I admired her dedication to the gym and her eating! He was trying to figure out who I was talking about…. started listing her hair color, height, etc… and I was like "hmmm… no… no … I don’t think so…." but then he was like… "OH!!!! You mean… John and his wife!! The woman with the enormous fake boobs?!"

 Sheesh. For the record, I have no idea if she has fake boobs or not. But that comment struck a nerve because he also asked me the week before if I had implants. I was assuming he was asking for cautions sake when doing chest exercises… but whatever. It was the way he asked. I was laying down on top of one of those cylindrical foam things… and he was pressing down REALLY hard on my shoulders to release the tension. And he says, "So those are implants, right?". Argh. *rolls eyes* And no, they aren’t. But if they were, I certainly wouldn’t have to justify them to YOU. PIG.

LOL. I bought a shirt the other day that is saved for when my bottom abs come in and/or when my stomach is completely flat. I can’t wait to wear it! I figure 6 more weeks of my hard work, and I should have something to show for it! Let’s see where I am on April 12th!

A few people in my life have commented that I am starting to look quite lean. Yay! But I want more. MORE I SAY! My trainer has said that some women have all of their abs visible at 15%, but my bottom two are covered in a fairly thick layer of fat. So I did somthing that I am a little embarassed to talk about. In addition to my super clean eating, my consistent workouts, and the stretching and vigilent attention to my posture…

 … I bought Napalm.

LOL. I started using it three days ago, and if this works, I will be shouting it from the rooftops! Even when I was quite a bit thinner than I am now, I still had a little bit of flab in that lower ab area. So let’s see where I am after this bottle is empty! I’ll take a pic to compare.

My trainer and I have gone into a bit of a discussion about my diet. The truth is, I know that my calories seem really low for someone my height. This is why I rarely discuss it with others because they immediately conclude that I need more! The truth is that… 1) With the exception of my workouts, I am an extremely sedentary person. 2) I put on fat mass VERY easily 3) When I wasn’t working out, I maintained very easily at the 1200 calorie range, so for cutting, I am assuming that my workouts are burning at least 200 or so calories.

Blah! I don’t want to seem like one of those clients who thinks he/she has more knowledge than the trainer, but honestly, I know my body well, and when it comes to food/diet, I do not fit in the typical mold. I WISH I could lose bf on 1600 cals/day!!! But I have to be realistic. For now, I am going to aim for the 1300 calorie range (instead of the 1200), and see where that takes me.

I wish I had more people in my life that were more interested in clean eating and working out regularly. It gets a little isolating sometimes. Honestly, I wonder if I have ventured into the obsessive side of being fit because none of my immediate family or friends are really interested in it.