JJanet

I am admittedly, an enormous control freak. But I am in the closet about this. I give off a very casual, easy going, go-with-the-flow, attitude… but inside, I am so neurotic about a lot of little things. And some big things.

A few of my neuroses involve people and allowing them to be close to me. I’ve been focusing on

Our fears are such strange little things. When we’re younger, we just have so many of them. Most of them, we outgrow as we move on to a different phase in our life, but some stick around, and have been a part of us for such a long time that it seems normal for it to be there. How do you tackle your fears?

I raced this little punk in his tricked out rice rocket today, and SMOKED his butt! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!

 That is all.

That’s what someone said to me earlier!! Whenever someone says something to me, and I find it a little insulting, I always look for other ways to interpret it, and decide that they meant it in the un-insulting way. But damnit. I was insulted at that one!! LOL!!!!! She seemed like a nice lady, older, slightly overweight, but otherwise normal looking. I just stammered, "Er.. uh, no. I’ve been at it for a while now!" And she gives me a sweet smile, and exclaims, "REALLY?" with just enough surprise in her voice to insult me furthur!! LOL!!!!! Oh my gosh you guys, I am obviously WAY too deprived of yummy foods and it’s getting to me! I feel myself reacting to things I would otherwise not even care about, and I’m pretty sure it’s because of my foods and how hard I’m working out. I don’t want to be a b!tch. That’s not me! But I want to meet my goal as well, and it seems those two things are getting in the way of each other!

*le sigh* I think I’m going to raise my carbs by another 15 grams/day, and cut out my extra daily cardio session and see where that takes me!

By the way, to everyone who responded to my ranting and raving blog a few days ago, EVEN THOUGH I specifically asked not to be consoled, go: Here.

I tend to get very focused on my goals - ‘almost’ has never been good enough for me, and my intensity with regards to meeting my goals has been my best friend and my worst enemy. I always find it tough to balance things - it’s always been ALL or NOTHING to me. A very unhealthy mentality. Does anyone else struggle with this?

I’m struggling to balance things right now. I think I’m getting a bit too wrapped up in meeting this next goal of mine - possibly because it looks like I might ‘fail’, and I am terrified of failure. So here’s my plan: I’m still going to keep my eating clean, I’m going to up my cardio, and I’m going to up my intake of water. And if this doesn’t take me to my goal, then … I’ll have to deal with it.

Thanks to everyone who gave me some perspective. I really appreciate all of the constructive feedback that you guys have given me. Thanks to you guys, I made eye contact with 8 people today, initiated a long conversation with someone on the treadmil, smiled at 6 people, and had 6 people smile back at me.