JJanet

My forearm is getting that tell-tale hollowed out look when I am leaning out. Yay? I wish it would take the fat off of my STOMACH instead of my already skinny forearms. LOL! I am only a few pounds away from when I was my leanest in early April, but it definitely looks different this time around. I thought I added some muscle to my frame so I was anticipating looking more musclar at a slightly higher weight, but for some reason, it looks like I have even LESS than I did that first time! I see this particularly in my abs. Eh. I’m not going to worry too much about it because I know I am eating right, I geared my workouts towards leaning out, and all other areas of fitness are in line with my goals, so onwards I go! No room for hesitations or second guessing now!

I did something really tough yesterday. I wrote an email to my sister and brother in law, and aired out some of my grievances with them that I had been keeping in for a few years. It was sooooo hard to press the send button. But send it, I did. And I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. That is, until I saw their reply this morning. It was something along the lines of, "We got your email. We are thinking of how to respond to you. Later."

Ugggh. That was SO not the response I was hoping for. This is my first real confrontation with my family, and I feel SO much anxiety over it, it’s not even funny!!! I am crossing my fingers that a week from now, I will look back on this and think of how awesome it was for me to do something that is so out of my comfort zone. I wish it was next week already, and I could be away from all this tension…

My fellow bloggers! I can’t believe May is already here! My goal for this month is to make a combined total of 40 workouts with this Bloke’s help! I tracked the exact number of days I was at the gym for the past few months and decided I needed the numbers to be higher and more consistent! So we’ll see how this goes! My diet has been sorta kinda clean. But not really. Okay, it’s sucked the big turd since I got back from Vegas. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, if I must be completely honest. It sucked for ALL of April. *cringes*. Hehehehehe. But that’s changing now! May WILL be a month of GREAT nutrition.

Maybe.

I was talking to one of my closest friends. She lives abroad so our phone conversations are far and few in between because of the time difference. But anyway, we were gabbing like girls do, and I was marveling to her how NICE I think people are! For example, it was raining earlier, and I didn’t bring an umbrella (I never do - it doesn’t really bother me when I get a bit wet!), but this guy who was in the front area of the gym went out of his way to walk me to my car covering me with his umbrella. HOW NICE is that? So I was telling her that sometimes it amazes me how kind people are.

She rolled her eyes at me. (I COULD TELL!!!) And she was like, “Don’t be so intentionally stupid, Janet. He probably had NO kind intentions whatsoever, and was probably using it as an opportunity to talk to you and get to know you better.”

EH. So I ROLLED my eyes right back at her (And I know SHE could tell, too! Hehehe!), and said that I wasn’t about to assume that any time a guy did something kind for me, it was because he found me attractive. How stuck on myself would I be to assume that? It reminded me of fair Pixi’s entry about the dude and the email and stuff. I mean, I’m not a complete idiot, and sometimes they make it clear that they are interested in me, but other times when it’s just kind gestures like that, to me, that’s just human kindness.

It makes me wonder how hesitent people must be to do something kind for somebody else because their intentions will be misunderstood. For instance, I have taken to smiling at people all the time these days. Men, women, children. Men almost always smile back. Women seem to smile back about half the time, and the other half of the time, they turn away and avoid me. Children always smile back or glance away shyly, but I notice their mothers often seem to think I have other intentions or something! Sheesh, people! It’s just a smile!

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. A kind gesture is JUST a kind gesture. I would prefer to think people are good and kind rather than think they are interested in me. Does that make me intentionally stupid? Who knows. I’m just going to keep smiling.

I was driving on my way to the gym behind this big truck. I hate being behind, beside or anywhere near trucks because I can’t even count how many times they’ve almost run me over because they never see my car. Anyway, this truck makes this rather aggressive lane change, and runs over this big plastic jug that’s used to store oil that was sitting on the road. At least that’s what I think it was for. It flew right in my path, and I tried to dodge it, but FREAK IT ALL TO HELL, I went RIGHT over it, and my car smushed it, and it got stuck right between the top of my tire, and the carriage of my car. My car made the most god-awful sound. I pulled over and this guy waiting at a traffic light yells at me, "TAKE OFF YOUR EMERGENCY BRAKE!".

WTF?!! WHO THE F*CK asked you?! LOL! Anyway, I get down on my knees and it was pretty obvious where the problem was. I had to wait until I could pull over, and the little bit of driving I did with that jug rubbing against my tire turned the tire, rim, and most of that side of the car a nice RED. It was SO HARD TO GET OUT!!! I had both hands on it, and I was yanking back with all of my strength. And like magic. It loosened, and I fell back SO frigging hard. In a skirt. With an audience.

:P My pride has suffered worse, though. So I dusted myself off, tried to wipe some of the oil off of my hands, arms, and legs. I got back into my car, tried to smear the oil off of my face (how did I even get it on there??!), parked the car, and went into the gym with my head held high. LOL. I had a terrific workout. I pushed out some of personal bests on some leg exercises. I love Fridays!

Since last week, I gained 3 pounds. THREE. It’s definitely not water, I am not bloated, nor is it that ‘wonderous’ time of month. And they’ve stuck around for a few days now, so I’m guessing it’s actual weight that I’ve gained! LOL. I am annoyed by its unwelcomed presence. Grrrrrrrr… Time to start back up on the Lipo 6x again!

Someone told me that in my progress pictures, I should try standing with both of my legs straight. LOL. There’s a reason for that, actually! When I shattered my kneecap when I was skiing, it was set in a cast for several months, and I sort of neglected doing my physio properly. Oops. As a result, standing with equal pressure on both of my legs puts an uncomfortable pressure on my hip, so I almost always stand sort of crooked. LOL. Ah well. I can’t be perfect. JUST KIDDING!

All right. I have a small confession to make. So I was all gung-ho a few days ago about starting my new workout program. But I skipped my workout yesterday. And I am going to skip doing it today as well. LOL. Please tell me how much I suck?