JJanet

Okay! I am a few steps closer to where I want to be.

I want to be on auto-pilot awesome eating, so I am taking the next two weeks to really dedicate myself to making my eating immaculate. I will be playing ‘mother’ to my baby cousin and her best friend soon - they will be flying up from Calgary to visit, and I want them to experience my workouts, as well as a bit of what it’s like to eat clean! Of course, they need to try some of the amazing food that Texas has to offer as well. LOL. So that’ll be fun. They are 15. A small part of me is dreading this trip because I am afraid that I will be the very boring, old cousin who keeps saying shit like, "When I was your age…" and "We didn’t do it like that when I was…", and that the minute I turn around, they’ll roll their eyes and whisper how relieved they are that I’m gone. HAHAHAHAHAHA!! We’ll see how that goes.

 Workouts are strong, but I think I’ll come a few workouts shy of my projected 22 for July. I had the one oreo shake, and a bite of stuff here and there, but overall, I think eating has gone well. Yay!

I <3 you guys. Thank you to everyone who left me a message - it was SO encouraging to come back to them and remind myself of what I really want out of all this, and how to not let me demons control me. I have read about some people who have had some really horrible experiences with mean people on here. I have been SO BLESSED to have only come into contact with all the really WONDERFUL ones. And a few weirdos. (Some who wanted NOODZ of… my feet. My FEET??!!!! LMAO!! ). So after I wrote that blog on Friday, I went out to dinner and had a healthy, clean dinner. But decided to cave in a bit to my emotional desires for junk and got an oreo shake afterwards. It was simply delicious! But gave me a really HORRIBLE sugar headache, and I felt pretty nauseous the rest of the night. My plan to dodge the emotional eating trap wil be to follow these steps:

1) Read the webpages I’ve bookmarked about emotional eating. 2) Journal about why I am upset. 3) Distract myself with a movie, Grey’s Anatomy (I LOVE THAT SHOW!), or shopping. 4) Allow myself to have celery sticks/carrots. 5) Remind myself that having junk will NOT make me feel better. 6) Tell someone in person that I want to emotionally eat and deal with their response.

Let’s see how this goes. I don’t get the urge to emotionally eat very often, but the times that I have, I don’t like it. No sireeeeee. So it’s going to stop. I will put this plan into place, and tweak it to make it work each time for me.

After my oreo shake, I felt really horrible, but had already decided that I would not continue to let it happen, so I went through with those above steps. Step 3 involves distraction, and I bought myself a completely STUNNING pair of Mac Jacobs boots. They are sinfully pretty. It is too warm for boots (and will continue to be too warm for several months still!), but like so many other women, I have a love affair with shoes.
 

Can’t WAIT to wear these suckers out! Hehehehe.

Okay, my friends! I’m back. And ready to take on the world again! BWAHAHAHAAH! I took a wicked long drive yesterday and raced some more stupid teenages. I’m so badass. Yeah, right. I hope you guys are having a wonderful day. I am.

I am stressed right now. I want to eat emotionally to comfort myself tonight. Is there a way to eat emotionally in a healthy way? Or is it always unhealthy to emotionally eat?

I don’t want to blog about the particular reasons I am stressed. They won’t make sense here and will require more explanation than I am willing to give. But. I’m stressed. I know this moment will pass, and I’ll be over this issue in the future, but it just really sucks right now.

I forgot to include this one in my Playacar pictures.

Hehehee. The monkey is my favorite animal. When I saw this one wandering around the resort, hitting up stupid tourists and getting them to pay exoribitant amounts to take a picture with it, I JUMPED at the chance. Sucker.

I’m doing terrific on my post-vacation plans! I can almost feel myself entering the easy part of all this. I mean, it’s never REALLY easy (for me!) to workout and eat squeaky clean, but there is a period after the initial 2 week period where it becomes much easier to turn down the good eats, and keep up with the workouts. I am probably about 5 days away from entering that zone. I can’t wait to be there!

I ordered some shoes from Nike online. They have a cool feature where you can design your own pair, and they take about 6 weeks to make it into your hands. Mine finally came! How adorable are these??!

Yes, I am SUCH a girl. I love all things pink, pretty, polkadotted, and er.. other p-words! It’s going to be a good week!

A belated Happy Canada day to all my Canadian friends! I am so very PROUD to be Canadian.

Today was my second time being back at the gym since I got back last week. It took me several days to work up the nerve to go to the gym as that is where I frequently see the person who is no longer my friend. I knew it was going to be awkward, and I was dreading it horribly. After my email, she replied back, asking what she could do to change so we could remain friends, and I replied, saying that it wasn’t a matter of what she could do. After all, she is who she is… and you don’t become friends with a person with the intention of trying to change them. That would certainly not be my place - and I could not stand seeing her live her life like that. I have since found out that she has some residual damage from a car accident that happened to her in her teenage years, and it has affected the way that she processes information and her understanding of people/situations. For instance. This guy text messaged her a while ago, and wrote a very disturbing, violent message to her. It creeped the fcuk out of me. Honestly. I got goosebumps when I read it because it freaked me out so badly. I told her, "L, that’s REALLY messed up." And she replied, "I KNOW! He can be kind of strange sometimes!!", and she giggled.

Umm.

Folks, the text message was about some violent fantasy he had of commiting rape. With a VERY underaged child they saw in a mall.

WTFWTFWTFWTFWTF.

But L doesn’t get how f*cked up it is to even THINK about stuff like that, let alone vocalize these thoughts to another human. She is dating this gem as we speak.

Sooo. Yes. Her understanding of people, nonverbal cues, and situations is impaired. Since I found out about her limitations in perceptions, I briefly toyed with the idea of letting her into my life again, if only because she is at SUCH a disadvantage with people (namely men). But the idea was short-lived as I knew I could not keep trying to help someone who Will not and CANNOT understand people. When I have said something like, "DUMP THAT LOSER! Don’t even talk to him!!!", to L about the shining example of humanity from above, she does not think I am being fair. She even implied I was saying those things because I was jealous of her. *Sigh*. I am SO sad for her.

Ahhhhhhh. Deep Breath. But life will go on. So today was back at the gym! I worked out and saw this one lady I see several times a week. She has a very thick Vietnamese accent, and after she stared at me for a bit, she blurts out, "You got a bit fat!". This person who was changing close to us overheard the comment and gasped a bit. LOL. She very discreetly turned away but I knew she was craning to hear what I would have to say to such a direct comment. The truth is I did gain a few pounds over my trip, (and 2 pounds even before the trip!), so she was not telling me anything I didn’t already know. I know how the pounds got there, and I know how to take them off! LOL. So I looked at her, smiled, and said, "I think I look wonderful!". I truly do! My body is healthy, strong, and even though I am a few pounds heavier than where I would like to be ideally, I still look great! She looked surprised at my response, and seemed to be at a loss for what to say to me, so she turned away and got back to her things. The lady who was eavesdropping had finished changing by then and was getting ready to leave. But as she walked past me, she gave me a big smile. I returned her smile. And it reminded me to get a move on with my goals!!!!

So for July, I will be at the gym at least 22 times. 2 down, 20 to go! I will have no cheat meals for the first half of July, and will have one cheat meal every week thereafter. I will post a progress picture that includes my abnominal area (the true marker of my progress!) no later than August… er… 30th. LMAO!! Yay! It’s going to be a good month!

And while I said goodbye to a new friendship, I have met another two ladies who make me believe that it really *is* going to be okay. Life is good.

Edited to add! I JUST started REDuction yesterday, in response to the rave reviews that Laurie and some others have had to it! It was a bit bizarre though - I had trouble sleeping yesterday and normally, I never have a problem. Weeeeeeeird, especially since others have reported sleeping like a BABY while taking it! No REDuction in my enormous, man-like appetite, though. Let’s see how this goes!