Toxic
Some people are just plain toxic. My bro-in-law does stupid, thoughtless crap sometimes, but he is not toxic - just stubborn. Like… even though I can’t stand him right now, if my world completely collapsed from underneath me tomorrow, he would be there for me to help me pick up the pieces. Stupid ass that he is. 
He’s still my bro and I still love him. 
But two weeks ago, I had the sneaking suspicion that one of my burgeoning new friendships were toxic. I asked for feedback from some people, and their opinion was that I should let it ride out and see what happened. So I agreed and I sort of sat back and let it play out to see how things would turn out. My gut instinct was right, and yesterday, things were unmistakably clear that it was a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP. So this morning, I had to tell her I would not be her friend. It was such a hard email to write. I tried to tell her in person yesterday, but she wasn’t listening to me, so I wrote her an email which was very explicit that I could not be her friend.
The unreasonable part of my brain tells me that I am mean, horrible, cruel, insensitive and lack compassion for choosing to be out of her life. The rational part of my brain consoles me and tells me that it’s okay, that I need to look out for my own emotional health FIRST, and that being posioned by her would not do anyone any good. So I did it.
I squashed the friendship I was so unbelievably happy about discovering not even a month ago. It’s been a sad day, but also a good one. A part of me grew up again.
June 19, 2008 at 2:51 pm
why didnt you just text her on the phone…lol you did good. you have to take care of #1..
June 19, 2008 at 2:55 pm
What made it toxic?
June 19, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Of course it feels awful to "break up" with a friend, even if she is toxic. But you did what you had to, and you are all the better for it!
June 19, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Incredible blog!! I have a ‘time limit’ I put on people who ‘drain my energy’ when I talk to them. (this includes my mom who i love…but also toxic for me).
I think you did the right thing! And dont feel bad about it! I have one of those in my life that lives next door…agrrhhh…she walked in my house without knocking last night! AFTER she had called and I didnt answer…soooo…I told her ‘there was a reason I didnt answer the phone…i’m not in the mood for company’ lmao
June 19, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Not to get overly spiritual…but the bible says for us not to cast our pearls to swines…. girl, you did the right thing…time is a precious thing, the biggest and best gift of all, if it is spent on a toxic relationship - we waste that gift….. (and think about all the time you now have to give to those that are nurturing to your soul….) good decision, hard, but good.
June 19, 2008 at 3:31 pm
In respect of her privacy, I will not disclose any details of the situation, but the relationship was akin to watching someone else cause themselves unspeakable pain in slow motion, repeatedly.
June 19, 2008 at 7:07 pm
ick. glad you did what you had to, though.
June 19, 2008 at 7:09 pm
You probably did what is best. You have plenty of friends right here. I am a little toxic at times damn protien.
June 19, 2008 at 10:40 pm
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment!
(trying to make you smile) :-]
June 20, 2008 at 3:43 am
Sorry that things have been so rough lately, but you definetly did the right thing. I should learn from your good example and cut off some of my own toxic relationships. Take care on yourself.
June 20, 2008 at 4:12 am
Hi Janet! You took control of the situation and your life. Nothing wrong with that! Sucks having to end a friendship, but you did the right thing!
June 20, 2008 at 4:16 am
Great post JJ.
Sounds like you did the right thing and as long as you did it with honesty and integrity, you can stop beating yourself up about it. It is always hard to end any relationship, but hold your head up high and know that you did what you had to- for your own wellbeing. Hope this marks the beginning of a positive chapter in your life
June 20, 2008 at 4:28 am
Janet, you are not at all mean. In fact I think you are incredibly sweet. When there is someone in our lives that are infecting our spirits with toxic poison we must do something about it, if talking to them and trying to get them to see doesn’t work then it is time to move on. If antibiotics don’t cure the infection in the leg the Dr. cuts off the leg to save the rest of the body. I know it is hard because I have had to do it myself with someone that had actually been a friend for several years but she got worse and worse and everytime I was around her I came away SO miserable and full of negativity that I felt I would choke. Every visit with her began taking several days to recover from. You did the right thing. Peace, C
June 20, 2008 at 5:12 am
Janet, I got your email and I understand that you don’t want to be my friend anymore. You didn’t have to include all the name calling, but those were really good names BTW!!! I laughed. I’ll use those later…on someone else, of course, not you….Signed, Not Yo Friend Nomore
June 20, 2008 at 5:57 am
JJ, I’ve got a friend who has a PhD in psychology. She’s smart, sexy and sweet, like you. But she’s got this messiah complex, where she seems to go around collecting broken people and trying to save them. She’s a glass half full kinda gal. But the vessels she collects all have irreparable leaks. I am astounded at how much life energy she drains from herself. And seeing her waste all that time on total losers, who are never going to change, is painful for me to see. Then the coup de grace–the day I realized that I was one of THOSE people she’d collected! Uh oh…. Welcome to my toxic swamp. Lets party!
June 20, 2008 at 8:41 am
Is this the same friend that you just recently befriended? If so, that sucks that it ended so quickly… however, it’s GREAT that you caught the ‘toxicity’ quickly and are able to let it go before it drags you down! There’s too many wonderful people in this world - surround yourself with those people, because you are truly wonderful yourself, gorgeous!!
June 20, 2008 at 9:28 am
Always look out for yourself first! Your not a selfish person but I think you can be too nice and get sucked into a toxic friendship. It’s good that you noticed it and stuck with your instinct.
June 20, 2008 at 9:54 am
Don’t see how you could say those negative things about yourself, as I believe everyone on here can attest that you are sweet and caring. Some people just can’t get out of their own way sometimes. Perhaps your actions can make a difference in her life and cause her to assess her situation. You did the right thing.
June 20, 2008 at 10:48 am
…You broke up with a friend! I’d bet my gold toilet that I know who it was too.
June 20, 2008 at 10:55 am
You are brave….that is a confrontation that most (including me) would not take on directly…I would’ve taken the passive /aggressive approach
Good for you! Taking care of yourself and your energy is where it all starts!
June 20, 2008 at 2:03 pm
June 20, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Grrr. I tried to be clever and the little heart I drew disappeared into html oblivion.
Smile, JJanet!
June 20, 2008 at 3:26 pm
I’ve been there before. It’s so hard when you care about someone and you want to help her, but there’s really nothing you can do, and being around that kind of negative behavior really rubs off on you and brings you down as well. You did the right thing, even if you feel guilty. Good luck!
June 20, 2008 at 3:48 pm
i have done this before and am in the process of doing it again. you must do it. i’m a people pleaser but i realized that I hurt my OTHER good relatiionships by continuing to be around yucky people.
It’s not our job to save people that like to roll around in misery or aren’t ready for self change.
June 26, 2008 at 10:43 am
I agree that you need to put YOURSELF first. It always sucks telling the truth but who knows. Maybe in some way she will see what you are talking about. Maybe she may even grow up in the process. Keep your head up! You did the right thing
June 27, 2008 at 5:12 am
I have, and had friends like that, and will probably still seem to make more! I think God puts them into our lives to grow us for some reason or another. The best thing we can do is stay detached, and set up boundaries. I’m a christian person, and I always feel a need to help people, but I have to remain wise in the process. Don’t let someone take you down, or endanger you or your life. I’m praying for you, and I hope you arrive to the right decision over this and future toxic friendships, I do think their will be more to come, some people really need to get professional help. I wouldn’t be afraid to tell them that either. Hope I could help as do the many others that commented. Good luck!
June 28, 2008 at 11:22 am
Hey,
it’s shame on me but… I was once "dumped" like that friend of yours… And if she is a smart person, this should help her…. Should make her re-think a lot of things and how she acts and interacts with people… you did the right thing…that’s for sure… You may cause a kick in the ass the girl needed for a long time already and that’s best thing to happen to her.
Cheers