JJanet

So today was day two of the new ab routine - I am really enjoying the challenge and I am excited to see what it can help me achieve in the next little while. I am also going to be switching to a 4 day split starting tomorrow, so lots of changes happening right now! I was getting a little bored and complacent with my routine, so it definitely was time to change things up! Luckily for me, there are so many fantastic workout fanatics out there who are willing to help!

I went to go get my hair cut on Friday, and boy, I was unimpressed with the stylist’s listening skills! I said I only wanted a trim, and they insisted a shorter do would be more fitting. I shook my head NOOOOOOO, and they said they had the PERFECT haircut for me! Thinking they were obviously going to listen to me, I nodded and told them to go for it. I should have asked what they had in mind, but I had complete faith that they wouldn’t try and piss me off. I closed my eyes for a few minutes, trying to relax after an intense workout, and then when I opened them again, there lay 7 inches of my hair!!!!! AGH! I didn’t say anything because I am such a dummy when it comes to confrontation, so I just sat there, thinking evil and mean thoughts, and shooting death glares from my eyes. He styled it, I left and tried not to cry. LOL. I hated it. But today, I woke up and thought, "Hey, it’s not so bad!". I saw a friend earlier and they didn’t even notice it had changed at all!! LOL. Men are so dumb, sometimes.

:) Thanks for all the great suggestions on how to prevent more of my muscles from wasting away, you guys! I added some BCAA’s to my shopping cart, and I am still gathering more information about glutamine. My diet, as some of you had mentioned, was not as good as it could have been - I started taking Lipo 6 about two weeks ago, and it completely killed my appetite. I upped my calories about 200/day, so I am pretty close to eating maintenance calories for my activity level, so I’m hoping that my weight remains the same (or even increases!) and maybe (crossing my fingers, toes and eyes ) I can lose another percent or two in the next two weeks.

I just love everybody on this site. Always so many people who are willing to help share and encourage! With some help from two terrific friends, here is my new ab routine:

- Leg lifts, leg lifts with a dumbell, weighted decline crunches, kneeling rope cruches, weighted crunches, planks and bicycles. I did this for the first time yesterday, and I am in pain. I was supposed to follow it with 20 minutes of cardio, but I just couldn’t do it! I managed to push out a whole 6 minutes on the bike, and I was finished. I am planning on doing this 3 times a week for the next few weeks and see if that can help me build up the muscles in my ab region a bit more!

While I was filling up my water bottle yesterday, this guy comes up to the water fountain beside me, and starts chatting. He said he noticed how dedicated I was, and how he admired all the work I was putting into my workouts. Awww! I joked and said if he was always here the same time I was, how HE must be the dedicated one! He laughed and said we should try being dedicated together some time. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA. HAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAH. But he said it in such a charming way, it was tough to do anything but laugh heartily!

ETA: Since there are a few of you who are curious how I responded . After I finished laughing and filling my water bottle, I stuck my hand out and introduced myself, and then told him to have a great workout. And then I winked at him, because I’m not completely heartless.

So I have my new ab routine, I’ve upped my calories a bit, and I’m lifting heavier than ever! I am eager to see what the next two weeks will bring me! I’m up for the challenge!!

I am admittedly, an enormous control freak. But I am in the closet about this. I give off a very casual, easy going, go-with-the-flow, attitude… but inside, I am so neurotic about a lot of little things. And some big things.

A few of my neuroses involve people and allowing them to be close to me. I’ve been focusing on

Okay, I need some outside perspective! In a recent conversation I had with somebody, they commented that it would be wiser to stop cutting, put the abs goal on hold and make building muscles the focus of my goals.

I would normally just listen, and say something like, "Thanks for your opinion, but I’m in pursuit of what *I* want!" or something along those lines. The trouble is 1) I respect this person’s opinion, and 2) I got some numbers back from a bodyfat assessment.

So I had the bodyfat taken yesterday and it had me at 11.5%, which was great, but was incredibly overshadowed by the fact that I had LOST EIGHT POUNDS since the last time it was taken! Which means I lost about 3 pounds of muscle! WTF?! I had a sneaking suspicion that I lost a bit of weight when my normally very fitted jeans were bunching up on my legs, but I had no idea it was that much! Damn. So yesterday, I’m getting changed, and I look down at myself and notice that my sternum is visible. Usually, it’s only visible if I’m inhaling or sucking in, but there it was. Just… there in plain sight.

I don’t want to be skinny. I want my 6 pack and I want it by April 12th, gosh darn it! But not if it means I’m going to lose all my muscles in the process.

Any thoughts for me?

I have two awesome new shakes that I have discovered!! What’s that? You want the recipe for one so that you, too, can enjoy the deliciousness of Janet’s shakes as well?

 I call this one: Green Protein

- 1 scoop of vanilla whey, 1 cup of raw brocolli, 1 cup of fat free cottage cheese, 4 egg whites, and 1 cup of packed baby spinach. Blend and drink (over a sink, just in case! ). Delicious? Hardly. But a meal over and done with in 5 minutes? Fantastic! LOL. I am addicted to blending my meals. There have been many days since I bought my blender where I have only one meal I had to chew. Is that bad? I think it was Jay who asked me why in the world I would blend all that when I could just eat it? LOL. That is what a normal person would do, I guess. I’m not very normal. I hate eating right now. Food repulses me. (And NO, it’s not because of my blended drinks! LOL!!). I am viewing food as a means of sustenance right now, nothing more. Am I missing out on some of the pleasures that food can bring? Yes. Is it a fair trade-off? Definitely.

I helped host a baby shower over the weekend for one of my best friends. She is due in a week, and she looks simply radiant, as pregnant women usually do! The party was so much fun and I actually had a really nice time! I often feel anxiety in social situations as I am quite shy, but I really made a big effort to self-talk my way through my moments, and I ended up getting to know some really sweet people! I was there from 10-6, so I had to find a way to get my clean eating in. Eating with people also stresses me out a bit. (Can you tell I’m high strung? LOL! ) Not only do I want to eat clean, especially in the next few weeks, but I also have a rather horrible allergy to yeast. (This is different from being sensitive to yeast - I can’t have it in any form at all or… I won’t get it into the effects. Anyway. LOL!) Which means no vinegar (which excludes virtually anything that has a sauce/condiment/pickled), bread, soy sauce or anything cooked with it, certain fruits, and anything with alcohol in it. So yes, a dinner guest’s worst nightmare. But I ate my own packed food which brought some looks and some questions, but wasn’t very bad at all! There was also a puppy at the party, which just melted my cold, hardened heart.

 Isn’t it just the most precious thing EVER???!!!! I wanted to put it in my pocket and take it home with me.

Our fears are such strange little things. When we’re younger, we just have so many of them. Most of them, we outgrow as we move on to a different phase in our life, but some stick around, and have been a part of us for such a long time that it seems normal for it to be there. How do you tackle your fears?

I raced this little punk in his tricked out rice rocket today, and SMOKED his butt! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!

 That is all.

I had a GREAT workout today! Great energy, great pumps, and best of all, great attitude. I find it tough to like myself at times. It’s been a struggle for me since late last week, but this morning, I decided I had enough. I took another progress picture (maybe weekly progress pictures ISN’T such a good idea!), and just… UGH was the first word (sound?) that came to mind when I saw it! I told myself how much I SUCKED, how it wasn’t enough, and then I took another look at my diet, and was trying to figure out where I would slot in the extra cardio, and rearrange my workouts so I could make myself meet my goals. So while I was driving to the gym, I was trying to motivate myself to be my absolute best. It sounded something like, “COME ON! You FAILED at accomplishing absolutely ANYTHING last week, you DON’T want this week to be another week of NOTHING!”.

And then I stopped. I would never ever THINK to motivate someone ELSE like that! I would never tell someone else all the shitty things that I tell myself! Not even to someone I despised! Yet negative self-thoughts roll off of me, probably hundreds of times a day. Literally. I don’t know how I’ve become this way, but there’s no way to change it unless I own it. So today, I owned it. And now, I’m going to try and stop it. Let’s see how that goes.

 So my BEAUTIFUL, SEXY STORMI suggested I go take some sexy pictures to make myself feel better after looking at my progress pic! I’ve always thought I am more the ‘cute’ type than the ’sexy’ type. LOL! But instead of doing that, I treated myself to some new dresses. I LOVE dresses! So here are some ’cute’ picture of my new purchases. THANKS Stormi!

That’s what someone said to me earlier!! Whenever someone says something to me, and I find it a little insulting, I always look for other ways to interpret it, and decide that they meant it in the un-insulting way. But damnit. I was insulted at that one!! LOL!!!!! She seemed like a nice lady, older, slightly overweight, but otherwise normal looking. I just stammered, "Er.. uh, no. I’ve been at it for a while now!" And she gives me a sweet smile, and exclaims, "REALLY?" with just enough surprise in her voice to insult me furthur!! LOL!!!!! Oh my gosh you guys, I am obviously WAY too deprived of yummy foods and it’s getting to me! I feel myself reacting to things I would otherwise not even care about, and I’m pretty sure it’s because of my foods and how hard I’m working out. I don’t want to be a b!tch. That’s not me! But I want to meet my goal as well, and it seems those two things are getting in the way of each other!

*le sigh* I think I’m going to raise my carbs by another 15 grams/day, and cut out my extra daily cardio session and see where that takes me!

By the way, to everyone who responded to my ranting and raving blog a few days ago, EVEN THOUGH I specifically asked not to be consoled, go: Here.

(Note: I would just like to vent. No need to console me. I know I’m being irrational.

Crap, I’ve been in the foulest mood all day. STINKING ROTTON. I am so glad I have not come into personal contact with any of my friends because I am NOT fit for company. Friends wanted to go out tonight, but heck, with eating clean and no drinking, and this horrible mood of mine, I decided I was better suited to my own, foul company.

Firstly, I’m a little bit sick. I had a fever this morning, but it’s probably gone now, so I can’t use that as an excuse.

Second, I feel freaking OLD today. My little baby cousin… the one who puked all over me when I babysat her, whose diaper I changed… my little angel… she HAS HER FIRST BOYFRIEND!!! OH. MY. GOSH. F*uck, when did I get so old??!

Third, EVERY close female around me is having a baby!! AGH.

Just… foul. FOUL I SAY!

All right. *deep soothing breath*. Must not raise my cortisol levels. It was just a stinky day. But I know tomorrow will be better because I will make SURE it is better.

ETA: I forgot! The thing that REALLY annoyed me!: There is ANOTHER reason I’m just the grumpiest thing on this earth. I was chatting with my sister (who lives a country away!), I told her, "I’m feeling REALLY discouraged today. I’m so tired of this eating, but I REALLY want to make my goal. Look at this picture and encourage me please." So she looks at it, and goes, "Ummm… Janet, I’ve always wanted to ask you when I’ve seen your progress pics: Are you sucking in when you take those?"

WTF. In a snarky voice, I said, "NOOOOOOOOO, I’m NOT sucking in. If I was sucking in, you’d see my sternum, all my ribs in the front, back and side, and part of my pelvis bone. So NO, I’m not sucking in." And she goes, "Oh. Well… what do you want me to say?" And I said, "PLEASE say something to encourage me!!!!!!!" And she smirked (I could tell by her voice!) and she says "Well, would you like me to wash my clothes on your abs?!" in this SUPER SARCASTIC VOICE. AGHHHHHH! If she was here, I would have just SMACKED her.

AGH.