JJanet

:) Thanks for all the great suggestions on how to prevent more of my muscles from wasting away, you guys! I added some BCAA’s to my shopping cart, and I am still gathering more information about glutamine. My diet, as some of you had mentioned, was not as good as it could have been - I started taking Lipo 6 about two weeks ago, and it completely killed my appetite. I upped my calories about 200/day, so I am pretty close to eating maintenance calories for my activity level, so I’m hoping that my weight remains the same (or even increases!) and maybe (crossing my fingers, toes and eyes ) I can lose another percent or two in the next two weeks.

I just love everybody on this site. Always so many people who are willing to help share and encourage! With some help from two terrific friends, here is my new ab routine:

- Leg lifts, leg lifts with a dumbell, weighted decline crunches, kneeling rope cruches, weighted crunches, planks and bicycles. I did this for the first time yesterday, and I am in pain. I was supposed to follow it with 20 minutes of cardio, but I just couldn’t do it! I managed to push out a whole 6 minutes on the bike, and I was finished. I am planning on doing this 3 times a week for the next few weeks and see if that can help me build up the muscles in my ab region a bit more!

While I was filling up my water bottle yesterday, this guy comes up to the water fountain beside me, and starts chatting. He said he noticed how dedicated I was, and how he admired all the work I was putting into my workouts. Awww! I joked and said if he was always here the same time I was, how HE must be the dedicated one! He laughed and said we should try being dedicated together some time. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA. HAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAH. But he said it in such a charming way, it was tough to do anything but laugh heartily!

ETA: Since there are a few of you who are curious how I responded . After I finished laughing and filling my water bottle, I stuck my hand out and introduced myself, and then told him to have a great workout. And then I winked at him, because I’m not completely heartless.

So I have my new ab routine, I’ve upped my calories a bit, and I’m lifting heavier than ever! I am eager to see what the next two weeks will bring me! I’m up for the challenge!!

I am admittedly, an enormous control freak. But I am in the closet about this. I give off a very casual, easy going, go-with-the-flow, attitude… but inside, I am so neurotic about a lot of little things. And some big things.

A few of my neuroses involve people and allowing them to be close to me. I’ve been focusing on

Okay, I need some outside perspective! In a recent conversation I had with somebody, they commented that it would be wiser to stop cutting, put the abs goal on hold and make building muscles the focus of my goals.

I would normally just listen, and say something like, "Thanks for your opinion, but I’m in pursuit of what *I* want!" or something along those lines. The trouble is 1) I respect this person’s opinion, and 2) I got some numbers back from a bodyfat assessment.

So I had the bodyfat taken yesterday and it had me at 11.5%, which was great, but was incredibly overshadowed by the fact that I had LOST EIGHT POUNDS since the last time it was taken! Which means I lost about 3 pounds of muscle! WTF?! I had a sneaking suspicion that I lost a bit of weight when my normally very fitted jeans were bunching up on my legs, but I had no idea it was that much! Damn. So yesterday, I’m getting changed, and I look down at myself and notice that my sternum is visible. Usually, it’s only visible if I’m inhaling or sucking in, but there it was. Just… there in plain sight.

I don’t want to be skinny. I want my 6 pack and I want it by April 12th, gosh darn it! But not if it means I’m going to lose all my muscles in the process.

Any thoughts for me?

Our fears are such strange little things. When we’re younger, we just have so many of them. Most of them, we outgrow as we move on to a different phase in our life, but some stick around, and have been a part of us for such a long time that it seems normal for it to be there. How do you tackle your fears?

I raced this little punk in his tricked out rice rocket today, and SMOKED his butt! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!

 That is all.

That’s what someone said to me earlier!! Whenever someone says something to me, and I find it a little insulting, I always look for other ways to interpret it, and decide that they meant it in the un-insulting way. But damnit. I was insulted at that one!! LOL!!!!! She seemed like a nice lady, older, slightly overweight, but otherwise normal looking. I just stammered, "Er.. uh, no. I’ve been at it for a while now!" And she gives me a sweet smile, and exclaims, "REALLY?" with just enough surprise in her voice to insult me furthur!! LOL!!!!! Oh my gosh you guys, I am obviously WAY too deprived of yummy foods and it’s getting to me! I feel myself reacting to things I would otherwise not even care about, and I’m pretty sure it’s because of my foods and how hard I’m working out. I don’t want to be a b!tch. That’s not me! But I want to meet my goal as well, and it seems those two things are getting in the way of each other!

*le sigh* I think I’m going to raise my carbs by another 15 grams/day, and cut out my extra daily cardio session and see where that takes me!

By the way, to everyone who responded to my ranting and raving blog a few days ago, EVEN THOUGH I specifically asked not to be consoled, go: Here.

(Note: I would just like to vent. No need to console me. I know I’m being irrational.

Crap, I’ve been in the foulest mood all day. STINKING ROTTON. I am so glad I have not come into personal contact with any of my friends because I am NOT fit for company. Friends wanted to go out tonight, but heck, with eating clean and no drinking, and this horrible mood of mine, I decided I was better suited to my own, foul company.

Firstly, I’m a little bit sick. I had a fever this morning, but it’s probably gone now, so I can’t use that as an excuse.

Second, I feel freaking OLD today. My little baby cousin… the one who puked all over me when I babysat her, whose diaper I changed… my little angel… she HAS HER FIRST BOYFRIEND!!! OH. MY. GOSH. F*uck, when did I get so old??!

Third, EVERY close female around me is having a baby!! AGH.

Just… foul. FOUL I SAY!

All right. *deep soothing breath*. Must not raise my cortisol levels. It was just a stinky day. But I know tomorrow will be better because I will make SURE it is better.

ETA: I forgot! The thing that REALLY annoyed me!: There is ANOTHER reason I’m just the grumpiest thing on this earth. I was chatting with my sister (who lives a country away!), I told her, "I’m feeling REALLY discouraged today. I’m so tired of this eating, but I REALLY want to make my goal. Look at this picture and encourage me please." So she looks at it, and goes, "Ummm… Janet, I’ve always wanted to ask you when I’ve seen your progress pics: Are you sucking in when you take those?"

WTF. In a snarky voice, I said, "NOOOOOOOOO, I’m NOT sucking in. If I was sucking in, you’d see my sternum, all my ribs in the front, back and side, and part of my pelvis bone. So NO, I’m not sucking in." And she goes, "Oh. Well… what do you want me to say?" And I said, "PLEASE say something to encourage me!!!!!!!" And she smirked (I could tell by her voice!) and she says "Well, would you like me to wash my clothes on your abs?!" in this SUPER SARCASTIC VOICE. AGHHHHHH! If she was here, I would have just SMACKED her.

AGH.

I need to write a recipe book! You KNOW you’d want to buy it!! LOL!! I’d have my delicious smoothies, a cheesecake, and who knows what other bonuses I might throw in! What would I call my new book?

On personal space again, some dude at the gym was asking me what kind of workouts I did because he wanted his girlfriend to look like me. LOL. And THIS guy was SUCH a close talker. Maybe only a foot away from me? I kept moving back, and he kept moving closer! LOL! I know personal space is partially a cultural thing, but LOL. One time, I was going through a revolving doorway, and each quarter of the doorway was REALLY SMALL, but I hopped in there, and these other TWO larger guys got in right behind me!!!!!!! I was so shocked!!! PERSONAL SPACE INVASION!!!! I almost tripped on my way out because I was in such a hurry!

And another thing I’m thinking about this morning. I don’t like to be high-fived. Is there a polite way to decline a high-five from someone? Any suggestions?

I only have vision in one eye. That means my depth perception is severely compromised. So when a moving object comes towards me (like someone’s hand in the high five position), I really have a hard time making contact. LOL. Which leads to me looking like such an idiot at least 2/3 of the time. LOL!!!! It’s sort of embarassing. I would almost rather hug someone than high five them.

Lots of unrelated thoughts today. Sorry about that. My brain is feeling a bit foggy with this stupid cold that I have!

Today when I walked into the gym, I saw one of the membership advisors that frequents the hallway that leads to the change room. He goes, "HEY!! There’s my girl!", and then proceeded to stick out his hand for a handshake. LOL. So I held out my hand, and then he holds out BOTH his hands, shoulder level, to go in for a hug. Goodness, the awkwardness. THE AWKWARDNESS!!! I’m not good with personal contact. I blame it on my Asian-ness, and the way my parents brought me up. So I gave him the WORLD’s graceless hug. It was horrible. I didn’t know which way he was going to turn his head, and I kept switching from right to left, and finally settled with the left, but he thought I was going for the right, and my forehead kind of grazed his cheekbone. I practically head butted him. OH my gosh, I was so flustered. My cheeks are warming up right now, just thinking about it. Horrible.

It reminded me of the past summer when I was took a high intensity cardio/weight class with a close friend of mine (who is also Asian). I was in horrible cardiovascular shape, and after about 30 minutes of the workout, I fainted, and when I came to, there was this whole crowd of people around me, slapping my face, shaking my shoulders, and sticking smelling salts under my nose. I was so embarassed that I fainted again. But throughout all this, my friend said she didn’t even come close to me, and even told people, "Don’t touch her! She’s ASIAN!" HAHAHAAHAHAHA!

All right! I tried a new recipe after my workout today. I know there are so many of you who envy my FOOD SKILLZZZZZ, so here’s the recipe!

- 1 packed cup of spinach, 1/3 cup of rolled oats, 3 spoons cottage cheese, 1 scoop of protein pwoder. I managed to swallow this and keep it down! So it’s a keeper in my books! I tried one for breakfast this morning, and it was FRIGHTFUL! It is as follows:

- 1/2 cup of oatmeal soaked in 1/2 cup of water overnight, 1/2 cup of cottage cheese, 1 scoop of protein powder, and three egg whites. This one stayed down.. just barely. I will not make it again.

:D

I guess it wasn’t very apparent, but I was being tongue in cheek about using my cheesecake around the house. LOL!!!!!! One guy messaged me and asked me if I had any ideas about how to use his extra clothes hangers that he has from the dry cleaners and put them to other uses!! LOL!!!!! HAHAHAHA! So if it wasn’t obvious, I was being a *teeny* bit facetious. LOL!!! Sorry about the misunderstanding.

I’m so excited! I bought a new blender today to make some of my meals go down a bit quicker! THANKS JOHN, for the idea!! I am hunting for pre-contest appropriate foods to stick in a blender (not because i"m entering a contest though!) so if you know of any, please point me in that direction!