hazy dayz
Well, I still find myself in shock that Michael Jackson is passed. He was such a huge part of my life and influence. I became a veg for almost 20 years because of him, I danced cuz of him and found myself cuz of him. I was the girl people giggled at and pointed at in the 80s, the one with all the pins on my jacket, wearing his gloves, shoes, socks….walking around with a ghetto blaster playing his stuff……..now to find out he was on prescriptives now since the hair burn…..cocktails of it, like my mom is…….wow. No one really knew about my mom either and those I told did not believe me cuz my mom put up a front that made it seem inconceiveable that she was a drinking drug user……. until she had accidents and ended up in ER and had blood alc tests because they could smell it on her and slowly others began to see - yet nothing has changed anyway……..her dr keeps a dealin’
but I had no idea MJ was that far gone too…..although he did not booze it up like my mom tends to on occasions and she is 75 so I suppose a stronger body than his frail light body. He did fasts alot and over exercised, from all the stuff I read on him….
that is taxing on the heart too but now to know what was happening with the drugs……well, being I live in that situation I have a whole new light on him……I never thought he was wacko but if you know anyone on prescriptions or drinking and mixing, you know they do weird ****…..so being I know this first hand I now understand all his actions that everyone made huge deals about like the baby dangle etc…….you would be amazed what someone all hopped up on prescriptions is capable of and not even fathoming what they are doing……….and instead of help, he was made fun of, accused of things he did not do. At least he is where he is loved now, unconditionally…….earth is more like hell for people as innocent and pure as he was.
Well needless to say I was very unmotivated this weekend. I got in 3 days weights last week and 5 days cardio with 3 days routine work. I hovered down to 122 a few times but still seem to stick around 125. I feel I look leaner but once I post pics we can see if my eyes are on par….my friend Mariam will see them and tell me. Part of me knows I am right on track but then I also know I have cheated each weekend the past few and should not have……..this weekend I did it again and cannot seem to control myself and am so hungry, my metabolism is through the roof.
I am soft today so I won’t bother with fat testing but will get pics n bf by weekend maybe, and that will help keep me clean for the week.
I have been inconsistent with my supplements which is so odd, some days I take it others I do not,
I did nothing this weekend……feels good but scary……I am now 4 wks out.
I feel good and feel I look good for this point but its always scary to take days off or cheat so close even if you are balanced right for the time!
Well today will be a good training day with an hour cardio and a good 45 mins of weights.
