I call myself fat, say I'm getting fat, say I feel fat, or any other adjective used to describe fatness (round, pudgy, chunky, chubby) or noun in the present tense (cow, whale, pig, elephant etc.) goes into a jar to fund my fiance's love for video games--which I despise and really wish he would stop playing so much.

I really need to stop tearing myself down all the time.  I know I'm not fat and I need to stop telling myself that I am fat.  I would never call anyone else fat so why do I do it to myself constantly?  Maybe it's something I have always heard people tell me growing up so I think it's ok to tell myself now even though I'm not. I'm going to try really hard not to buy my fiance any new video games from now on! I hope it works!

I think I'm finally starting to see some progress now that I have cut down to 1600 calories.  My legs feel different like they aren't as doughy and look like there's a little more definition.  I bought a few pairs of size 6 jeans and had to exchange them only a few days later for a size 4 which fit pretty perfectly and look awesome.  I'm so happy now that I am seeing results. I think I may have just discovered that 2200 calories is too high to be my maintenace and my real maintenance is more like 2000 plus the calories I was using for my chicken were too low. I think that my maintenance calories will change over time as I gain more muscle and then maybe it will be more like 2200.

I decided to incorporate a refeed once a week.  I feel like cheats are only there for psychological purposes and refeeds are more for psychological and functional purposes.  I still get the satisfaction of eating a bowl of pasta or pancakes with syrup for breakfast but still know that it will aid my weight loss.  I wanted to plan these things out even with my macros so I don't feel guilty or out of control about it.  I planned to have 30p/50c/20f macro breakdown for the refeed (normally I do 45p/25c/30f) with just over maintenance calories (2200).  I didn't feel overly stuffed that day maybe just a little bloated...and ugh gassy. *hides face with embarrassment*

I plan on weighing myself on Friday and hopefully I can get a progress picture up soon.  I won't dwell too much on the number because I can see and feel the progress.  I think every time I have gone to weigh myself I have been bloated so it is very deceiving.