In_Flight’s BodyBlog

Im going home for the weekend. which is always bittersweet. Alot of my bad negitive behaviors started there of course and i always find by the end of the trip im overwhelmed with anxiety about family, friends and my relationship. I carry this along with me in all aspects of my life though. Yes i see the benifit in dealing with the bad but when thats all you see then there is a problem.

I do NOT have to dwell on negitivity in my life. I either can’t change what is upsetting me or I am choosing to be part of it, either way it is there and my dwelling will not change a thing. So over this weekend I will try my hardest to refocus everytime i feel bad

ALSO….home means drinks, junk and laziness lol. so ive decided wine for drinks, but only take what i want and salmon for the bbq’s. And im taking the dog home so i def will get to walk. well see how it goes

Today I ran/walked for 30 minutes, then I walked for about 60 minutes, I had a nice little workout, I tanned, I ate really good (exept a bit of ice cream after supper) and My day for tomrorow is already planned out. All I can think about though is the stupid ice cream, the dishes im doing which im the ONLY one who ever does, the mess my house is in b/c my guy stayed home from work today and how I should be at the gym right now. My point….I focus on the negitive in my life…im not happy. I find myself unhappy alot….but these day im more unhappy then i am happy.

About 18 months ago I was in really good shape..and i still am (just not as strick) but now all i think about is what i do wrong and then all i thought about was how in control i was. My life is fine, im in good shape and have the potential to take it farther. Thats awesome. so why do i focus on all the bad? I donno!

I spend at least 1 hour a day either thinking, writing, reading or talking about how to improve my life. what would make me happier, then it seems like that where it stops. Does it stop b/c my guy is home from work and i fall back into my routine? does it stop b/c i like to have something to work towards?? i dono but I hate it.

So my commitment to myself is that a few times a week i will come on here and write about me. I will focus on one thing that makes me unhappy, talk about why it makes me unhappy, what control i have over it and how i can change it. Hopefully this will open my eyes and get me going again, focusing on ME ME ME.

 Thanks for reading this blog and feel free to read the others as they come. I dont expect answers to my problems, you dont even have to respond, but if you feel like reading maybe you’ll learn a thing or two too

All my bb.com friends…xo

bb.com & oxyegn! THEY ARE MY HEROES.

Sometimes I get so confused and angry. Its hard living with a person who is not strick and doesn’t follow through with things! My guy will take time to try to fix good lunches, eats rediculous amounts of food trying to get proper protien, worksout for almost 2 hours a day and then comes home and buys chips or nachos or ice cream. I admit I get my cravings as does anyone and my big time is at night when there is a definate no no but I try to keep away from it. Doesn’t it make it so much easier when the person you are with holds you accountable?? YES! Sometimes he’ll say "oh you know you dont want that" but rarly ever, instead he goes and gets the food or will talk about it to me enough untill i say yes. It’s frusterating b/c i have no willpower but i say no, i even rudley point out that he’s never gonna lose weight if he keeps it up, that what is the sence in being so good all day when you ruin at night with 100’s of empty calories?? but he just keeps at it! and then i follow. I know im only accountable to myself but its hard when night is a couples time and instead of cuddling or watching a movie he eats and I watch untill i reach over for some. I just wish I had the support that i give him!

But then I wake up and go on here and start a day off feeling good, and sometimes at night I will read my oxygen (that keeps me from the junk). The point is I dont need to be ripped, i dont need to compete, I never even have to turn heads but i wanna be healthy and live a good life…it feels SOOOO GOOD when i do, its just hard without support