In_Flight’s BodyBlog

i just need to TALK lol. so i went to a bbq last night….I ate chicken (i havent been getting enough good protein latley), i made spinach and bell peper salad and  a stawberry and banana salade and had a peice of water melon. No hotdogs,hamburgurs,sausages,macaroni salad or chips!! Everyone was drinking so i made some iced green tea for myself and "drank" aloong lol. i was very happy by the end of the night, it ended up becoming a party and i still didnt drink or eat junk. Yesterday updating my stats really disapointed me, and i have no one to blame but myself. im still feeling rotten about it today. so it obviously matters to me and if i want it i have to work harder for it! I serious thought about the gym again today but my nerves got the best of me once again (though i realized it isnt open n e way b/c of the flood lol) I really want to lift harder but the thought of people seeing me work out all but brings me to tears, im such a tit head sometimes lol. I did go for a great walk this mornig though, up and back down regent hill (huge hill!)

I dont know when it was that trainign became so important to me, it just kind of happened. last night i was looking at all the girls sitting around at the party…all with a bit of extra lbs, full with all the right curves. they can wear low cut shirts and tight tight pants, they are fleshy and full and proud of it. I on the other hand wont be like that. when i gain wieght it goes to my tummy, my ass gets jiggly before anything else and my face blows up. The thing i miss the most is the boobs! i acctually HAD boobs at one time, but even when i was trying to show them off a bit i remember always trying to pull down the bottom of the shirt to hide my belly or do the classic arm arounf waist when sitting to hide the rolls. It was enough to make me want to lose weight yet sometimes i miss the "womanly" body.

i guess i donno, i know i want be fit, but i want to be attractive and sometimes im not sure what that look is for me. for now all i know is i love FEELING string and i want a slim and muscular belly for my bikini

pics and stats are up…and im a bit embarrased, a bit angry. not very happy to say the least.

no more blog for today…i have nothing positive to say