Il_Dago’s BodyBlog

I could list all of the things that happened in August/July to sidetrack me, but does it really matter? I mean, in the broad scheme of things, does knowing all of the minutiae that ****ed my schedule up and led me to say "You know what? This month is a loss, I’m going to sacrifice it and live it up for awhile." really help anyone? I doubt it, everyone who would bother to read this KNOWS the red herrings and sales pitches that draw someone away from their goals. Temptation is the reason why the Dark side of the Force enjoyed small victories, but the Light side won out in the end.

Going back onto my push/pull split starting today. Going to do push today, take 3 days off (not exactly ‘off’, cardio only) and then do my pull day just to get back into the swing of things. Starting off super light weight and pushing back up to my acceptable levels by the end of September.

My first goal was to lose 100lbs and I did that. Now let’s see how long it takes to rock 50 more.

I’ve finally hit the point that everyone told me I’d eventually hit. It still feels really odd.

I’m at the point in my fat loss where the scale isn’t going to help me any more. I’ve been out of the gym for 5 weeks due to a sinus infection that became a full blown chest cold that I ended up getting medication for because I was coughing so violently my throat was bleeding while I slept. Not good. I’ve been back at the gym for two weeks now with little to no loss in strength and I’ve worked off the 3lbs I gained during my extended rest.
In my downtime, I kept an eye on my diet, but since I was eating a lot of comfort food (hey, you try coughing your lungs out for 5 weeks and see if you don’t go for a milkshake to soothe your throat ), I kept a grip more on calories than macros. Even eating clean for the last couple of weeks now though, I’m not really getting a jump on losing. I noticed something a few days ago though: My clothes felt like they were hanging on me. I went to the store and bought a few shirts in a smaller size (L) and lo and behold, they fit perfectly! I haven’t tried on a smaller size of jeans yet (tomorrow) but that little hitch told me I’d hit the point where now it’s time to use the mirror and the measuring tape to track my progress.

I’m very excited I’ve reached this point but damn does it feel weird not having any numbers to tick off every few weeks. Oh well, I’ll have to console myself by cleaning all of the XXLs out of my closet ;D

PROTIP: If your gym is in the shadow of Disneyland, find a new location for Spring Break.

Took me almost an hour to get home today, on a drive of normally 20 minutes. I think this week is a good week to get reacquainted with my kettlebell, tire and sledgehammer.

I’ve been using REDuction PM for a little under a week, and I want to list my first impressions to look back on later.

The first thing I noticed is that my attitude has improved greatly with the addition of some quality sleep. I’m much more mellow, but my workouts haven’t suffered at all. The sleep isn’t the drugged out, unconcious sleep that sleep aids have given me in the past. This is much more relaxing, when I wake up, it’s like waking up after you’ve gotten laid the night before. You want to stay in bed and enjoy the feeling, but you’ve got the energy to push out and get out into the world. I won’t lie, I have been a bit groggy in the mornings. My body feels fine, but it’s an hour or two before I completely shake the fog out of my brain. A cup of green tea and some fast punk music helps get me moving. If you haven’t been sleeping well, as I haven’t, this is definitely the stuff for you.

As for the fat loss, meh, I really couldn’t say. I’m making extra effort to eat cleaner (anything worth doing is worth doing right, right?) now that I’m on fat burners and because of the sleep aid, I don’t want to drink much. So it’s hard to say whether my losses are going to come from the burner or the extra effort on the diet front. Regardless, it’s too early to say one way or the other whether the fat burner is working for me. I’ll wait until the end of the cycle before I make a final call on that. After running this bottle of PM, I’m going to take a few weeks off while I contemplate trying a full REDuction AM and PM formula cycle.

All things considered, I’m excited for the results and genuinely relaxed for the first time in a long time.

Back then

Start date: September 07
Weight: 335lbs
Pants size: 48w
Shirt size: XXL bordering on XXXL
Bodyfat%: No idea. How much muscle do dead people have? I probably had less.

Now

Current date: March 09
Weight: 234lbs
Pants size: 40w, barely getting into a 38
Shirt size: L, but some XLs still look good depending on the cut of the shirt.
Bodyfat%: Gotta get tested. I won’t be embarrassed to find out now, even if it’s high.

To all of the people that rejected me when I was fat: **** you. Seriously. 100lbs, gone, more sweat and pain than I ever experienced in my life and it’s all behind me and so are you. I’m a better person and **** you for not being able to see past my appearance to who I am. I had this in me all along and not only did you not see it, but some of you flat ass denied that I had it. **** you.

To all of the people that supported me: Thank you. Your kind words and encouragement mean more to me than I can ever put into words. I look forward to all of the experiences life has to offer us as we all move forward.
Next stop: 200lb body weight!

@<cite>ghwilson87</cite>. Thanks bro. You’re probably right on the "thank you vs. eff you" thing. I think I made the "eff you" paragraph longer because it’s a goodbye. Those people are behind me and they’ll never get the opportunity to speak with me again. The people who are there for me have our whole futures together and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

There is nothing so frustrating as to know that I’m making progress, but not having anything to mark it by. My clothes are fitting better, I’m feeling better, my lifts remain strong, my grip is improving (HUGE deal for me) and I’m seeing more definition in my arms and legs by the week. So what’s the issue? The scale is barely moving

I’ve seen enough people ask this question to know that visible progress is far better indicator of fat loss than the scale, but it’s still frustrating. I’m going to keep on keepin’ on, but it’s still frustrating. The way I see it, I’ve got two choices: Get frustrated and quit or take out my annoyance on the weights. Since I’m upping all of my lifts 5-10lbs next week and incorporating new exercises into my routine after breezing through my workout yesterday, I think it’s obvious which choice I made. I think it’s the correct one.

No real point to this entry. Sometimes it helps me to vent a little bit. Originally I wanted to do a blog every 2 weeks, but I’m not that original to come up with interesting shit that often. Sporadic brain dumps are far more therapeutic in my opinion and give better insight to the various mental stages of a long weight loss journey.

I wrote an entire blog here to organize my thoughts. I deleted it because I organized my thoughts so well that I didn’t need to brain dump anymore. Since I already have the window open though, I want to share what I’ve just taught myself.

There are people on this website with goals. Everyone’s goals and the paths to those goals are different. Some people are 125 soaking wet and want to build to 165. Some people are 400 and want to get down to 250. Some people are at that 250 and are obsessed with reaching 175. My point is that none of these goals are ridiculed. I was feeling like a failure because I was feeling like certain goals of 10-12% body fat are impossible for me. The fact is, right now, they are. My hobbies and lifestyle simply will not allow for me to follow the stringent diets and workout routines required for someone of my genetics to reach that level. In the future, should I choose to reach those goals, I have no doubt that I will be able to. The point is that such goals are not my goal right now.

My first goal is 200lbs. I dropped it to 180, but I’m bringing it back up to 200. I dropped it to 180 after feeling inadequate next to some of the other goals on this website. I’m bringing it back to my original goal. My goal is of no less or more merit than anyone else’s and I should never have thought differently. Maybe once I reach the top of my mountain, I’ll find another, higher mountain to climb. Until then, I’m just another climber setting Cams into the rock trying to reach the summit. When I see people reaching for their own mountain peaks less lofty than my own, I do not think less of them. I need to accept that people climbing for higher peaks than my own, in a similar manner do not think less of me.

And if they do, seriously, fsck ‘em. The people that have reached the highest summits don’t think that way. I seriously doubt that someone like the ‘08 Mr. Olympia, Dexter Jackson or an icon like Ben Weider (RIP) would call me a pussy for working towards a goal.

I’m back at work after a wonderful four day vacation to Kansas City for the Chiefs game (I know, we lost our asses. What do you expect from 3rd stringer QB Thigpen?). In full relaxation mode, I decided months ago that all "clean eating" bets were off while on vacation. With the weight of work responsibilities, home responsibilities and most self responsibilities off of my back, I let loose and had one of the best weekends of my life.

KC in a word: Great. The shopping was excellent (I’m a sports memorabilia nut and there is no shortage of autographed helmets, balls and 8×10s in KC), I couldn’t ask for better hospitality, the jazz culture was alive and well and everyone seemed eager to show a new part of the city to enjoy. Big thank you to Deanna at Arrowhead Stadium for the VIP tour. That was easily the highlight of the trip. Since this is the bodybuilding website though, I’ll focus on the food: Basically, a carnivore can go out every night for a month and still not sample all that KC has to offer. Personal favorites included burnt ends (bits of meat cut from the ends of a smoked brisket), cheesy corn (corn swimming in a thick cheese sauce) and the midwest’s best beers from the Boulevard Brewing Co. Also, I learned that french fries in KC are best used not as a food item, but as a delivery device to eat the dozens of different blends of BBQ sauce. My favorites were the sauces from Jack Stack BBQ. I swear they put heroin in the sauce to make it more addictive.

End Result: 2lbs up this week. My first weight gain in almost a year. I generally update my weight twice a month, or every 5lbs. Looks like I’ll have to wait to move the slider down to 255. The thing about it is, I know that some of the militant cutters on the forums here would be panicking, but I’m not. It was worth every last bite and a pleasant reminder that I am committed to the long haul and can let my gut hang out a bit every now and then. Speaking of my gut, it’s weird that my pants fit looser now. Maybe I built some muscle with the gym downtime and eating all of that protein? Could that have caused some of the weight gain? Meh, who knows and who cares? I don’t, at least not extremely so. It’s an interesting footnote, but far from my focus right now. I’ll be back in the gym this week and eating cleaner again. As long as I can get the scale numbers in a downward count by the end of the month, that’s really what matters to me.

I’m looking forward to getting back into the gym tomorrow. I’d go today, but none of my gym clothes are washed (small oversight on my part. I was too busy doing laundry for the trip before I left). I have to go to the grocery store today, maybe I’ll walk the round-trip mile just to get back into the swing of things.

UPDATE: Weight’s back down to pre-vacation levels. Only took me a week to drop. Not so bad. I probably could have posted my loss to 255, but my cousin had her wedding this weekend and I was doing tequila shots with my cousins at the open bar.

I’m digging this biweekly writing. I’m going to make the effort to write something every couple of weeks. It really helps keep me focused.

I switched from being very macro focused to more calorie focused this week. I switched from 2200 with solid 40-40-20 macros to 1800 not keeping track of macros, but keeping 40-40-20 in the back of my mind so that it’s more of a guide than a rule. I probably should have been doing that from the start, but oh well, I made progress even with flawed practices. I’m much more relaxed now that I’m not micro-managing my food. I think eating like a cut nazi was good for awhile, but I started to overdo it on the cheat days and it killed my weekly losses a few times. Now I know better. Freedom = good. Eating like a moron and cutting in such a way that I can’t see the forest for the trees = bad. That kind of diet has its place, but that place is not with me right now. I’ll save that brand of cutting for the eventual >15% BF.

I usually do some LISS on the weekends, but keep off of anything heavy as far as workouts, but I had to try something yesterday. I cleaned out the garage with my dad a few weeks ago (a good workout in itself) and found a huge old tire from a truck my parents used to own. I went to the hardware store, bought a sledgehammer and boom, instant workout. 20 swings to the left and 20 to the right for 5 sets. I get the usual workout soreness like everyone, but I haven’t been this kind of sore since I started out. It’s the  "Oh man, I’ve never worked THAT muscle group before" kind of sore. I’ll be stretching mightily before my workout today, but right now it hurts so good

I really want to write something here, but pretty much anything I write is going to be me ranting against myself. That’s not conducive to anything besides quitting, so **** that. I’d rather just write "I want to write something" than start railing against myself. This is my BodyBlog, not an emo LiveJournal where I post 80s punk lyrics and talk about cutting myself.

The only similarity is that I am indeed cutting, but it’s the good kind

EDIT: Thanks for the support guys. I don’t mind ranting when I’m genuinely and greatly pissed off at something. What I do mind is beating myself up over stupid things that I know are stupid. I picked up enough water weight to drown a fish after cheating at a party on Saturday and I was beating myself up over it this morning. Pair it up with the fact that I’m still fighting a cold and shouldn’t do cardio and it has lead to a very frustrating day. I’m still not happy about it, but time has done it’s job and I know how stupid it is to get frustrated over a temporary scale lie like that. With all of the frustrations that can come with walking a path like this, if I have even a modicum of focus (which the original entry is meant to be) then it is much easier to work through it and wait until I see how utterly baseless my frustration actually is.

I had a decent workout today and I feel miles better about the whole thing. Coming home to read your support has made me feel better still. Thank you for that. Really though, who needs a therapist when chest and ab day can clear my head like that?