One micro pound at a time

Someone, please… .shoot me.  Put me out of my misery.  When the doctor said "this will be the worst sore throat of your life for like 2 weeks", he was being nice.  This feels like someone choked me, ran their fist down my throat and then pulled it back out.  =(

If I had just had my tonsils out, that would have been nothing. I could have been fine with that.  But oh no.   We’re talking minor reconstructive throat surgery here.  The way my mouth/throat looks, you would have thought I had it rebuilt and a new one implanted.   I had my tonsils out and a UP3 done on Tuesday.  Stayed overnight in the hospital one night and then got discharged home Wednesday.  I’ve slept much of it.  Cried about 1/3 of it.  Even though crying is NOT a good thing because I can’t get rid of THAT easily.

I FINALLY got to eat real food today.  2 eggs.  Over easy.  Not that I got to enjoy them much.  I can’t chew.  I can’t stick out my tongue.  It was basically drop off the spoon and let it slide down the throat.  Swallowing is a bitch.  Still, 5 days of no real food was getting to me.  Oh and you’d think I’d be a little lower because of the amount of fluids I’m getting?  NOT A POUND.  I know my body is thinking I’m starving it, but trust me, I WISH i could eat.  I’m sitting at 4 pounds heavier right now.  I am NOT happy.  I was sitting pretty at 159.4 before I went in.  Yea, uh huh…. Mr. 160 had to come around again.  Bastard.

Been up for about 8 hours now.  Guess I should try to sleep since i’ll most likely sleep all day and all night again.  thats what I’ve been doing.  Cuz I can’t stand the pain.  I can’t go back to work until I can come off the pain medication.  I tried that today.  I was up a whole hour and a half before i had to lie back down.  The pain is absolutely unbearable.  I was in such pain, I must have passed out from it because I remember waking up later thinking I was not getting up again.  I slept til about 6pm.  Then I had to get the drugs.  Couldn’t take it any more. 

Gotta love Hutch….he has been a trooper.  I can tell he’s getting irritated having to wait on me and try to understand me.  I can’t help it though.  I can’t repeat myself without wanting to cry.  And walking around is a slow shuffle so I dont fall over.  He can’t help me in the pain department, which is what i think bothers him the most.  Because all I want to do is cry and cry and well, he can’t do that for me. LOL.  He could, I guess, but it wouldn’t do me any good.

UGH - if only I were 7 and this was easier.  Shoot me now please…. with a good drug that will make me sleep until its all better. And if at all possible, NEVER get this done as an adult. 

*waaaaa*

(_)} Here’s a drink to you, 160!  Albeit briefly getting to know you, the time has come to say goodbye.  It was great while it lasted.   No hard feelings, mmkay?  Now, GTFO!!!

Woooo!!!  159.8 today!!! And I’ll take it, even though I really felt stalled.  I’ve been sick with a cold/flu all week so you can imagine how I didn’t get enough calories and water all week.  Most of my week has been spent coughing, hacking, dry heaving, and laying on my back.  So under the circumstances,  a 0.4 loss is FINE with me! 

Motorcycle safety class was this past weekend.  I was dreading it.  I was so scared I’d drop the bike and hurt myself.  Well, I am so happy to say I didn’t drop it once.  Stalled the thing about 10 times just sitting there, but didn’t drop it.  woo!!!  They even wanted you to take the curves and scrape your pegs.  That was a little scary for me since the curves are where I’ve dropped my own bike before.  However, I did it and even scraped my pegs 3 separate times.  Go me!!!  So now I’m in the process of trying to rid myself (and my hub) of the current bike [read: scooter] and getting a "real" bike with clutch, gearshifters and all.  yay me!

So in conclusion, I’d like to say to Mr. 160:   Thanks for the memories!   

And to Mr. 155:  I’m coming for you! 

Today is weigh day.  WOO!  160.2 today!  Thats 17.4 pounds in 10 weeks.  An average of 1 and 3/4 pound a week.  I’m happy with that.    I thought I was going to have to redo my goals, but I only have to lose 5 pounds a month to meet my xmas goal weight.  I can do it!!!!!!  I may still have to rethink some of the measurement goals.  Those arent falling off as well as I had hoped.  But then again, it would help if the measurements were done right - HUTCH!  LOL!!!!!

So today I go for my stress test.  EEK!  I’ve never had one done but I’m not really dreading it.  Just curious as to what all I’m getting done thats going to take 3-4 hours! SHEESH!

Found out I have enlarged tonsils from the acid reflux (tyvm bastard!) and the pallette and uvula are elongated so thats blocking my airway when I sleep.  So I’m headed to the operating room on October 16th for removal and reduction.  That should be an interesting weight week.  But at least it will help cure the sleep apnea.  yay!

Going to take a motorcycle safety class this weekend (since I like to drop my bike) and hopefully that will be fun.  Won’t be a great food weekend, but still…. Nervous.  I don’t want to fall alot. LOL!

Sorry for the absence - those handful that check this.    [You are appreciated!!]

Had the holter montior, echo test, HP (tummy) test and got the results back from them.  Also visited the sleep doctor again.  Been a busy 2 weeks.  I can safely say I was out of the office more than I was in it.  Every day was at a doctor.

Results:
Holter monitor - nothing outrageous.  My normal heartbeat is between 60-68 bpm.  I had about 6-7 instances where it was over 100 bpm.  The highest was 117 and the lowest was 49.  49!!  WTH?!  LOL.  But they said I kept a good "diary" that day so it was helpful.  The average over the 24 hr period was 70 bpm.  Mildly higher than my usual 60.  So that was "normal"
Echocardiogram - I actually got to read this report, which was fun.  Most of the items were normal.  A few were "grossly normal".  So I had to ask "Grossly Normal?  Does that mean I’m above average and have an A in school?" [insert laugh here]  To which I was told, "actually, yes thats what it means".  LOL!  The report did say, however, that I have "mild mitral regurgitation" and "mild tricuspid regurgitation" during their whole 3 minute echo test.  At first I was confused because I had never heard of a tricuspid in your heart.  So it was online research for me.  Basically, 2 small valve leaks.  I can live with that.
HP:  This is some weird name and I had to look it up with my funky spelling.  LOL.  It’s called H.Pylori - which is a simple test to see if you have an infection in your stomach.  Ok, so you might be thinking you’d know if you had it right?  Nope.  It attaches to the lining of your stomach wall and just stays there, so you’ll never know until you get tested.  [H. pylori infection is common in the United States. About 20 percent of people under 40 years old and half of those over 60 years have it. Most infected people, however, do not develop ulcers. Why H. pylori does not cause ulcers in every infected person is not known. Most likely, infection depends on characteristics of the infected person, the type of H. pylori, and other factors yet to be discovered. Researchers are not certain how people contract H. pylori, but they think it may be through food or water.  Researchers have found H. pylori in the saliva of some infected people, so the bacteria may also spread through mouth-to-mouth contact such as kissing.]  The test was super simple.  Take a deep breath and blow into this bag until it fills up.  Then you drink this liquid which tasted like super strong lemonade (without sugar) and wait 15 minutes.  (the drink was really good, surprisingly).  Then you take another deep breath and blow into a different bag.  Super simple.  Results- negative.  Which is good and exactly what I thought.
Sleep Dr:  I stop breathing 7.3 times per hour.  With the "CRAP" machine (as we lovingly call it), I stop breathing 5.2 times per hour.  Not a significant change to warrant me getting the machine.  HOOO-FREAKING-RAY!!!! He said he had thought it wasn’t going to work but he wanted to try it to see if it helped.  I have a very narrow throat and narrow nasal passage.  Oh and an elongated pallette.  He also said he thinks my septum is askew, so I get to go see an ENT on Wednesday for evaluation. 

Stress test is Thursday and then I go back to the doctor the week after for final results and a course of treatment, if any, on the leaks.  They did say that stress aggravates it and thats probably what I was experiencing.  Didn’t know I was under that much stress, but I guess I’m a stress packer. LOL!

Weight wise - not a good eating week since all this started.  I haven’t gained during that time, which was nice.  And this past week I lost a little bit (very little bit) but each day I continue to lose a little more. 161.2 today!!  YAY!!!  Thats 16.4 pounds.  Anxious to do measurements soon because I’ve been doing some leg work and I see a little difference in the thighs.  Which i sincerely hope so cuz those buggers are gross looking.  seriously! 

So all is shaping up to be good.  Once the stress test is done, I’ll go back to my bike and bowflex.  Until then, its a short leg exercise for me.

Thanks for all the warm thoughts and comments!!!!!

So this week has been filled with daily doctor visits.  All of them for me!  And next week isn’t shaping up to look any better. LOL!  Tuesday my monkey returns to the OS to recheck her wrist and more xrays.  Hopefully she can come off the splint now and resume her normal activities.  I know her band teacher will love that!    Then I have 2 appointments on Thursday and who knows what else.

I got the Holter monitor off on Thursday.  I had to be super sensitive to everything going on while wearing it.  They wanted a "diary" of sorts.  But the Dr. told me not to be cautious with it on.  In fact, he wanted me to over-exert myself so it would increase his chances of catching "it".  Whatever "it" is.  He told me to exercise if I wanted to, which was awesome to hear, but not what happened.  My other "job" kept me busy until 7:30 that night so that was out of the question.  The tape from the monitor has to get read and transcribed by the computer so it will be Monday before I know anything.  *sigh* 

This has me a little nervous because all of my blood tests came back perfect.  The sugar levels were perfect, not anemic, iron levels good, and even the cholesterol was spot on.  There was only one minor area of my cholesterol that was a tad elevated but not anything considered high or to be worried about.  The only thing on the blood workup that was noted was my thyroid level was low. Again.  This means my dosage will have be increased. Again.  This will make the 4th time.  I’m already on a high dosage.  When I started on the synthroid, my levels were outrageous.  The Dr who diagnosed me at the time said she had never seen a level so bad.  That it was the worst she’s ever seen.  So I said "so you are saying my thyroid is dead?"  She said, "basically, yes".  LOL!  So since then, its been one dosage increase after another.

So knowing that its nothing in my blood and can’t be attributed to high cholesterol, is making me wonder what "it" could be.  Maybe its nothing and it was just a blip.  Maybe I skip a beat.  Maybe I just have a form of arrhythmia.  Or maybe it’s something else.  Who knows.  It’s just making me anxious not knowing.   I’m not sitting here crying and over analyzing it but every so often, I wonder and wish the time would pass faster. LOL!

So having had a stress filled week, I didn’t drink nearly enough water every day and didn’t get any exercise in (outside of walking here and there) and there were a few days I didn’t get enough calories in.  All in all though, I only gained .6 over the week.  That has me happy because its not more and essentially the same as before.  It’s o.k.

After all….today is another day.  And next week is another week to get it right. 

I went to the doctor today to get some refills on my thyroid and acid reflux medication.  While there, he asks me about the physical I asked for a few months ago and the sleep study he sent me for.  Told him how i hated the sleep study and don’t want to get that stupid CRAP machine (as the hub and I call it).  It annoyed me so much I didn’t sleep and really acted like a big baby and cried during the study.  [side note:  i abhor having anything on my face.  liquids, lotions, food, direct air, anything - and that thing blows directly on your face.]   Anyway, so we are talking about things going on and I tell him I’ve lost 15 pounds in the past 2 months and he’s all happy.  Asks me some questions about feeling this, feeling that, did this happen, blah blah.  So then he tells me he wants to do the physical and I need to get blood work done.  Ok, np.  Then he says he’ll do the EKG today.  Again, np.  The whole time, I’m telling him I’m sure its all great and my only problem is my sleep insomnia and tiredness when I finally do sleep. 

EKG goes ok.  Fast.  Np.  He comes in and says "ok, you’re borderline normal."  I laugh, because I think he’s joking.  He says he’s not and shows me and immediately starts circling things on the chart.  I’m like "what does that mean?"  And he says it could be anything but these are little areas he’s concerned with.  :breathe, just breathe:

So here I was, all prepared to go in for blood tests sometime next week because I have to fast for 12 hours first.  But now, he says he wants me in this week for the tests and he’s setting up an echocardiogram and ordering a stress test.  He repeats that he wants me in this week.  He’s refilling my scripts and wants me to try the nose spray in lieu of the CRAP machine (since I refuse to get it.  Why pay $500 for a machine I’ll beat the CRAP out of?).  Tells me he’ll call me as soon as he gets the appointments set up.  ooookayyyyyy….

Now, mind you, I’m pretty good at handling pain and most news.  I’m a very emotional person, however, and it took every ounce of strength I had not to cry in his office.  That feeling didn’t last past me getting in the car and picking up my phone.  I cried and cried and cried on the phone to my husband.  In the middle of me talking, the doctor beeps in and tells me that when I come in tomorrow for the blood work that he wants to hook me up to a Holter Monitor for 24 hours so be sure to shower first because I can’t take it off.

Ok, first… I was planning on coming in next week for the tests.  Then he tells me sometime this week.  Now he’s on the phone himself (not a nurse like usual) telling me to come in tomorrow!  Second, I was 200% positive that everything was ok - that there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with me.

I get in to work and immediately go in to see my boss - who just happens to be my dad.  [We own the company - the whole family does] He is walking down the hall and as soon as he walks in, he knows something is wrong and i hug him and cry and cry and cry.  He finally talks me into sitting down and we close the door.  I tell him the whole story and he tells me the same thing my husband did.  It could be nothing.  Could just be high cholesterol or a murmur or any number of things.  Calms me down and tells me how unfortuately, I’m double whammied by my parents medical histories.  His family has heart disease and cancer and my mother’s has rampant cancer.  That all his father’s siblings (all of them, including his father!) died of heart attacks.  This I knew already.  And that, like him, I’m prone to stress induced instances and need to relax more.

It’s not that it’s a big deal or anything.  It’s just that its not what I wanted to hear and definitely not what I expected.  I had my first mammogram last year after finding a lump in my breast (turned out to be fibroids) so I wanted to get a physical now that I’m losing weight so that I know that there is nothing wrong.  I feel/felt it in my soul that I’m fine.  So to walk in there today for a little thing and walk out with news that could cause a meltdown, is a little upsetting to me.  Its not like I was admitted to the hospital for something and they found it there - that would be almost expected.  But this was nothing.  Absolutely Nothing!  And WHAM!  Because of my own medical history and my family history, I expected that I wouldn’t get out of life unscathed.  I figured it would always be cancer that got me.  I almost expected it.  [note:  not a self-fulfilling prophecy deal…just expected especially since i had already had a small bout of cervical cancer 15 years ago]  Just never would have expected it to be heart related.

My father tells my mother, who sends me some information.  As I’m reading it, I’m suddenly struck by a memory - one I thought nothing about after it went away.  2 weeks ago, my husband and I went to eat lunch then grocery shopping.  While shopping, I suddenly felt hot and jittery.  I felt like my heart was racing.  I hadn’t felt like that since I used that hydroxycut 5 years ago [that had ephedra].  So thinking quickly, I counted what I had taken that day and realized it wasn’t medicine.  I told him I was feeling "odd" and "off".  We get home and I bring 2 light bags upstairs while he gets the rest.  On the way up the stairs, i have to stop to catch my breath.  I get up there, put the bags down and walk over and lean on the back of the couch.  I feel my heart racing.  It felt like it was going to explode.  I take my pulse and it was somewhere between 35-40 beats per 10 seconds.  I forget how many it was exactly because I remember thinking "Holy shit" because it was a lot faster than it usually is per minute in just those 10 seconds.  I caculate it out (210-240 per minute based on above) and sit down and try to breath deep breaths.  I’m thinking how thats more than when I exercise and not normal.  Eventually it subsides and goes away but I didn’t feel right all day.  No matter what the number, thats still a shitload of beats per minute and definitely not normal.  I can’t believe I forgot that when at the doctor today.  So I relay the same to my dad and husband who both tell me to make sure I tell the doctor tomorrow. 

So even if I wanted to do some strenuous exercise, I can’t for a while.  Not until I get the results of all these tests.  If it is something, I’m going to get a referral to my dad’s cardiologist.  If…..   And that sucks too, because I was planning on hitting the bowflex today and tomorrow and putting up the treadmill this weekend and trying it out (brand new). 

I say all this, not for pity or anything, but because I needed somewhere to get it out.  I obviously can’t write it where my daughter will see it. LOL!  So here it goes.  Its just another thing to add to my frustration with weight loss this week. 

Just a Bad week… bad week.

[side note edit:  it’s NOT high blood pressure.  This much I know for a fact.  I get my pressure checked every Thursday. It’s normally 100/60.  Today it was 112/68.  So its not that at all.]

So my stomach has been talking. All.Day.  WTH?!  It’s not like I’m not feeding you.  What is your problem?  You are getting a LOT of food today, Mr.  [Mrs. if you want to get all technical]  I mean, ok.  Let’s look at this, shall we?  Today’s intake thus far consisted of:
90 Cal Special K bar - always yummy and usually filling
PBJ Sandwich - definitely filling
3 Fig newtons - those little seedlets are a b!tch in my teeth
1 cup (2oz dry) of whole grain wheat spaghetti noodles w/few tablespoons sauce
100 calorie chocolate mousse

So that said.  What’s your malfunction day, MR?!  You’ve had plenty of food and plenty of water, so STOP TALKING!!!  ARGH.

This weekend was a nightmare with meals.  Saturday was so freaking busy that I missed about…. well, alot.  I ate a hamburger and 3 pieces of chicken and mashed potatos.  That was it for the whole day.  And I know it sounds loaded but it was all good.  But definitely not enough calorie intake.  Sunday… forget it.  Had some awards ceremony to attend for my monkey which took about 4 hours out of my day.  Made meatloaf and rice for dinner and had a LF/LC ice cream for dessert. 

So all that and guess who’s up to 163.4 this morning cuz Mr. Growlly-Pants thought I’d starve him.  Doesn’t he know better?  And haven’t I been making up for it today?  Sheesh.  I do really really well during the week and 9 times out of 10, the weekend goes to shit. 

I also did something and hurt my other wrist last week.   Backstory: I fell at Christmas time last year and hurt my right knee [both knees actually, but that one is worse], twisted my left ankle and landed on my left wrist.  Not fractured but definitely strained the tendons the OS said.  It hurts on and off and sometimes I can’t lift anything heavier than a plate or pot.  As for the knees, he said its where the cartildge in my knee caps are grinding together.  But the left one only hurts a little.  The right one kills me.  And I have to do that recumbent bike.  I have to work my way up to 20 minutes on it with no resistence.  Yea, um, about that.  I am lucky if I can get 12 minutes out of it without crying because it burns all the way up and down my leg and my knee feels like its going to fall off.  When I’m done and stand up, the pain is horrible.  I tried it with the 1 resistence setting.  Yea, that shit won’t happen again.  >:( The pain intensified a lot.  So thats the backstory.  :breathes: Anyway, last week, I went to open the back door of the car with my right hand and my fingers slipped and my ring finger and pinky got bent back and I heard a pop in my wrist and a seering pain from my fingers up through my forearms.  My hand was burning and then it got icy cold and went numb for two hours.  Then I was able to use it again and since then, its been very sore.  Making a fist hurts.  I pulled the tendons, so its gonna be sore.

Why the long story on that?  It explains why at this moment I’m not using my bowflex.  With both wrists sore and my knee about to burn itself off my leg, I’m kinda stuck.  I push through the wrist pain occasionally but not since I hurt the right one.  I’m just falling apart lately. Grrrr.  Wish this stuff would subside already.  I miss my bowflex.  I think this weekend I’ll attempt to put the treadmill up and out of the box.  My workout room needs to be bigger. LOL 

Long rant and Mr. Growlly-Pants is still giving me fits.  Guess he’s gonna get a snack.

See what happens when I can’t log in on weekends?  Stupid long ass posts about nothing.

Hoooray for Weigh ins that actually make you HAPPY!!! Today was weigh day and I’m happy to report that I am officially down another 2.6 pounds this week! 15.8 pounds total over 49 days.  2.17 pounds a week.  ROCK ON!!!   And whats even better is when the scale you use at a weigh in (which is never accurate with yours and always says you are heavier) shows a 4 pound difference in the week!  LOL!  That was even better, even though I knew it was only 2.6 pounds. 

Last week wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.  I didn’t eat out as much as the week before, so that helped a lot.  I only plan one night out a week for dinner and I adjust my meals and calories accordingly but the week prior, it was out of my control.  This week, however, completely worth it.  I haven’t seen that number in YEARS!  The lowest I have ever "dieted" to was 155 so lets see if I can break that cycle.

I’m already on a mini roll - 7 weeks without tiring is a record.  Before I’d just drop a whole 2 weeks and then restart.  Lookit me go!

HOOOORAY FOR GREAT WEIGH INS!!!! 

I’m so disgusted.  Not in my progress, because let’s face it - I’m doing pretty good considering.  But just about the food I can’t eat.  I’ve lowered my caloried intake from, well, everything and anything, to between 800-1000 calories a day.  That was working pretty good to begin with, but around week 4, I kinda stumbled.  I was averaging about 850 calories.  Since I have hypothyroidism, every diet or weightloss trial I’ve tried has pretty much plateaued around week 6 so I was bummed.  I talked to my doctor and was told to increase it to 1,000 calories and no more than 1200 calories.  Ok, that seems pretty easy, eh? Not quite.  I haven’t mastered the 1k on the dot, but for the past 2 weeks have pretty much averaged about 1050 give or take.  I eat pretty healthy.  Back in May I started butting out the bad for you type stuff and concentrated on better eating.  That didn’t really work because I was eating close to 2700 calories! UGH!  I have my nightly snack of fat free ice cream and that is usually 100 calories and budgeted into my meal plan.  So anyway, i’m getting off course of what I wanted to say…. On the 24th of August, we went to Red Lobster and I carefully looked over the menu, added up my remaining calorie intake and decided on my meal.  I thought I was doing sooooo good. I mean, I was even chugging the water that day and that night.  Well, apparently that shrimp, that was oh-so-low in calories, didn’t agree with me.  I have a love/hate relationship with shrimp anyway as it sometimes causes me to have an allergic reaction.  So I was pretty cautious about what I was eating. Anyway, I step on the scale the next morning (Saturday) and what do I see?  168.8!!! WTF?!?!?!  I was chugging the water for crying out loud!  I KNOW seafood has azzloads of sodium but DAMN!  Thats 2.4 extra pounds I didn’t need.  So I spent the next 3 days trying to get rid of it.  I am not happy about that at all.  A minor setback but still.  I’d rather stall than gain any day!  Grrrrr.

This morning (or rather Saturday morning the 1st), I woke up early to go out to breakfast with Hutches but I just didn’t feel good. My head was very heavy and I was exhausted.  So I stayed in bed.  I think I crawled out of it around 12:30.  I know…bad.  My throat has been sore and irritated all day and I’ve been going through the chill/heat stages all day.  I don’t think its the flu but I hope to God it’s not strep.  I’ve sucked on 3 cough drops today…2 in the last hour.  Oh goodie, an extra 30 calories to my day.  Dangit. *sigh*  But I was extremely happy to step on the scale today and see 162.8.  Tonight it was 164 after dinner, so we’ll see if it was a fluke thing or not.  I know, I know…. stay off the scale. LOL!

Hutches and I were trying to "meet" in our weight since he is trying to gain.  Happy to say, we’ve "met" twice already.  He’s worse than I am about yo-yoing but at least he’s consistent.   

I guess I better get to bed so I can rest and lose that 2 pounds from today’s food. LOL!