~Heather’s World~

You can’t control life, however YOU can control YOURSELF! 
 
At the rip old age of 29, I realize that I cannot control circumstances and events that happen. I cannot control the fact that I lost my job and am being taken through the ringer just in order to get financial aid for school! I cannot control the change of seasons, the weather, or the fact that I’m a lady and PMS is inevitable! No matter how many times I pray and ask God-why do we girls have to go through this…it doesn’t matter! We do, so I have to deal with it!

 
I’ll be honest and admit that I use my setbacks and circumstances as reason to eat hap hazardly, miss a workout, or worse-have a pity party. With that being said, my bodyfat has sky rocketed. Clothes that at one time use to be way to big are way to small now. Clothes that I use to feel confident in, I now feel self-conscience and insecure in. I can remember a point in my life where I lived for the gym and even eating clean. Next to my relationship w/ Christ-the gym was #1. I did NOT miss a workout for anyone or anything! I didn’t care if I was tired or didn’t feel good, I went and attempted it-even if it meant I just left, but at the end of the day I felt like I had accomplished something, because I tried. I remember the times where I was locked in the bb.com all day, almost 24-7. I was inspired and encouraged. I was blogging daily and that in turn encouraged me.

 
Somewhere along the way, I just stopped. I stopped caring. I stopped trying. I became content with being mediocre. I used every negative as a reason to eat myself into a sugar coma. I used every excuse to miss the gym. I have gotten to the point where I don’t know who the hell is staring back at me in the mirror. It’s sad, but true. It’s hurtful, yet true.

 
My personal breaking point was Friday! I went shopping with my mom and I ran into a gym member that I know. I hadn’t seen her in quite sometime and she just came out and said, Oh my Heather, you have put on quite a bit of fat. I’m sure that depressing! My jaw nearly hit the floor in complete and utter aww. I just thought, are you kidding me! Like, who is that perfect that they would say something so cruel to another person. My ego was shattered, because I knew it was true! The truth hurts. Granted, I’m the average size now, but I’m much bigger then I was before.

 
After Friday, I decided to sit down and take toll on Heather. That’s when I realized that I have been allowing all of these negatives to drain me and depress me. I have been having a pity party for the past 7 months on and off. Instead of using the negatives to fuel me, I allowed them to take from me!

 
I can’t control the things around me, but I can control myself. I can control the types of food I put into my mouth, the consistency of training, and my mindset. I can feel happy if I want to! I can control the amount of ‘free meals’ that I have. I have a lot more control then I’d like to admit. Admitting that you are in control of yourself is admitting that you have power to overcome things that seem bleak and depressing. YOU don’t have to sit around and be depressed all day, unless you decide that’s what you want to do. You have a choice. No one can make you do anything you don’t want to do, no one can make you eat what you know you shouldn’t eat, and no one can take the strength, clarity, and security that the gym gives you-unless you allow them to!

 
There are a lot of things that you have absolutely NO control over and that’s okay. Don’t worry about those things or focus on them! Focus and channel all that you have towards what you can control and that is building a happier, healthier you! No one can take you, from you unless you give him or her the stamp of approval.

 
 
So, here I am again, constructing my plan of attack! I am ‘officially’ back to build a better me. The only difference is that this time I want to be better then I was before. I want to knock ‘30’ clear on its ass this coming January! I’ll be around much more then I have in the past few months!

 
Your sister in health, wellness, and iron

 “HH”

This entry was posted on Monday, July 27th, 2009 at 7:22 pm and is filed under Other. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.