~Heather’s World~

Friday’s Blurb…co-worker politely asked if he could…. 

So-I was coming back in the office from my morning run to dunkin doughnuts. I picked up 3 coffees, for my 2 boys and 1 for my myself. Anyhow, as I was getting ready to walk in, my co worker walks out and holds the door open for me! I gave him a hug and told him I just love him to death! As I let go and continued walking he said, can I just grab your tush, but not in a perverted way! It just looks great! Lol. I stopped and started laughing and said, thank you! I literally bust my butt working on my butt! He said, Well, I won’t believe it till I feel the muscle! I laughed and kept on walking and said, not today darling! Lol. 

So-what the heck does that have to do w/ you? Okay, first things first-I am the Ex-president of the flat butt club! That’s right; I am a former flat ass! I use to hate my butt and be totally self conscience of it! I think my butt is a great asset now! I am constantly getting compliments on my butt! Not only are the guys complimenting me, but the girls to! One girl at work told me I had the cutest little rump! Lol! I was floored! All I kept thinking was my goodness-my butt! The one thing other then my belly that I was super self conscience about-is now an asset and people notice it and compliment me on it! 

The truth is that I do bust my butt trying to build my butt. It’s not always easy or fun while I’m in the process-it’s the aftermath that is fun, like today-hey, can I grab your butt! Get the hell outta here! Lol. It’s so rewarding when people notice your hard work and give you props! It motivates me and helps to keep me on track. I’ve gotten more compliments on my butt in the past 2 months then I ever have and it’s awesome and I feel like, woooow! If I can build a booty that is compliment worthy-ANYONE CAN! I am finally able to resign as the flat butt president! AMEN! 

Next on the Friday’s blurb, I’ve come to the conclusion that youth is so sexy! Why? Well, I’m sure you all are aware of my little young co-worker that I talk to and flirt w/ all the time! Yes, he is a bit inconsiderate and can be a little stank at times. He actually pissed me off today with his sassy mouth-but I nipped that in the bud-quick, fast, and in a hurry. So, I’m not worried about it. However, despite those things, he is feisty and carefree! He always tries to cop a feel if we run into each other alone in the office or even when he walks me out to my car in the evening. He’ll give me a hug and peck and try to grab my tush. I told him, no more! You can’t do that! He says, I can’t help it! That’s definitely the youth. He is a little horn dog! He always wants to steal a kiss or a hug or something and it cracks me up! He makes me laugh and smile! He told me, lets go hide in the closet! I was like, ummm-not today darling! Sorry! Lol! He is a riot to me and he is absolutely hot! He’s to hot to be so damn young-my goodness! He even gave me a piggy back ride in the lot at work! That will definitely go down in the storybook! He makes me feel young! But, it is what it is and he’s just my little flirting buddy at work-if it went any further..well, just say HH wouldn’t be able to get rid of him. So, I leave it here and enjoy it and take it for what it is. 

My diet has been good this week-high protein, fat and low carbs! However, I will be cleanly carbing up on the weekends with an occasional treat! So far I feel great! I also don’t have the sugar highs and lows! I don’t miss the rice or pasta or oatmeal for that matter! Frankly-I’m pooped in regards to oatmeal and that stuff. That has never been my struggle-it’s always been the sweets! I have no cravings for them though, so that’s good! I do miss them, but I’m not bombarded w/ thoughts of candy running through my head! Amen for that! 

My workouts have been fairly good! Lifting is almost always on point, my cardio is coming back-slowly bur surely and I feel good about that. So as of right now, I am on track to building a better me. I am looking forward to the new challenge w/ the group. I’m going through my goals and I will post all that stuff up once the challenge begins! 

So that’s all today folks! 

Happy Friday!! 

Another Week, another Lesson Learned….
Well, after a terrible eating week-I sat down and had a heart to heart talk with none other then myself. I put so much time and energy into the gym, yet my diet is so completely half assed! It’s a cycle-good 2 weeks, fall off 3, good 2 weeks, fall off 3 weeks. What gives? You know?
The past few weeks eating wise have been the worst ever. Ever since we moved our seats around at work-it’s been bad, but last week and the week before were TERRIBLE! I can NOT begin to tell you about all of the crap I ate. Let’s just say, HH got blacklisted from the candy drawer! Yeah, I got blacklisted. They couldn’t believe how much candy I would eat!
The boys around me order big, fattening, lunches! Goodness, the grub smells so darn good! I admit, I have been ordering lunch waaay to much-more so more now then ever. Even when I don’t order, they always share w/ me. They never force me, but it’s always, ‘here sweetie! Taste this! It is phenomenal!” Well, sweetie always tastes and eats way to much! Let’s not even mention the mid afternoon coffee runs!! Yeah..so all in all diet has been complete and total crap.
I came to the realization that I was burnt out on baked chicken, tuna, veggies, and all the good stuff. I was freaking burnt out! I brought my lunch and made my food for the whole week and it’s still sitting in the fridge! (well, I have done well today-chicken and rice, chicken and broccoli-etc.) All last week I was overdosing on yogurt (f.f.), raisin bran, etc. The diet world has been  something nasty!!!
Well, Saturday-I met w/ my therapist again. It was an easy going session. No tears this week, more giggles and aha moments. Okay-Let me recap on my Tuesday morning before I go any further. Monday night around midnight I received a few restricted calls on my phone-obviously I didn’t pick up. Tuesday, before I could really get in the office good and get focused, my phone is ringing again-restricted calls. Yet again, I do NOT pick the calls up. A few minutes later, my line at my desk rings..so, hh is thinking-WTF! I pick up, it’s a lady calling for me and leaves her name and number. Nothing rang a bell. The area code was NOT local. Well, I asked one of my boys what area code it was-Birmingham, AL. Bingo! It dawned on me. So, then-I check my email. I get an email from this infamous lady that has blew up my phone. Yeah, hold onto your seats-the plot gets thicker.
The infamous women calling and emailing me was the wife of someone I use to date-well, had a fling w/ about 4 years back. Yeah. I did NOT know she existed-nor did I know about the 3 kids he had.
Her email was nice and respectful. I about flipped the hell out! I ordered breakfast and that was the day I got blacklisted from the candy drawer. I was spazing out! All I kept thinking is was this ******* married when we were seeing other? How could he lie about 3 kids! I was just in a tailspin of emotions! I was angry because of the principal-not because I was in love or wanted him anymore.
So, I got up the nerve and I called the married Mrs. back. I talked to her about 30 minutes and I spilled my guts. I shared everything w/ her. She broke down crying on the phone. She found out about me due to sheer carelessness. She got home from school and he never closed his email out and she saw an email between us and then found all these pictures of me. (she even complimented me and said that I looked great and it was quite clear that I worked out-a lot.) Him and I remained friends since we met. We would just email one another occasionally.
I never knew that he was married. It was quite the bullet to swallow. I was pissed off. I was hurt because I had to be the one to tell her everything. I mean, come on there is no nice way to say-I’m sorry I screwed your husband. Yeah, right. It would’ve been one thing if I had known about her and I was just being a jezebel-but it’s a different ballgame when you don’t have a clue as to what reality really is! Needless to say, by the time Tuesday ended I was so mentally drained, I didn’t even train! I was tired, drained, and just mentally taken for a loop!
So now we can fast forward to Saturday morning. I told my dr. the whole story and I told her how I literally spazed out and just flew off the rocker and I also told her bad my eating had been that day.
When I flip out I throw my hands up by my head and I say, OMG! Are you kidding me? That’s symbolic for: HEATHER IS ‘BOUT TO FLIP THE HELL OUT IN 2.5 SECONDS. From that point, my anxiety kicks in and so does the crazy eating or shopping.
So, she showed me some techniques of how to deal w/ my anxiety while at work to relax myself, mentally and physically. She told me feeding my anxiety w/ food or shopping, is like feeding a monster and it will NEVER be satisfied, it will always want more!
So lets fast forward to this morning-shall we? A co-worker of mine made a lil comment in regards to my personal life. It’s another long, lovely complicated situation. Long story short-he met the wife of a dude I use to see and who I am still very good friends w/. Anyhow, the comment just pissed me off and completely got under my skin. Yep, the hands went up, only to be followed w/ OMG, are you freaking kidding me.
So, I tried the technique and to my surprise it kinda worked. No candy, no binge-I was okay. I just opted for a skinny latte after I could feel myself calming down.
I am realizing that I need to learn how to deal w/ my emotions and anxiety, not just spaz out and eat. That just creates a bigger problem! I need to allow myself to be mad, happy, sad, depressed, whatever. Feel the emotions and keep on truckin. That’s what I’m learning.
Basically, she instructed me to sit and contract my muscles as tight as I could and take very deep, deep breaths and as I relax my muscles-exhale. To my surprise it worked today. So, I’m happy about that. I’m still on track w/ my diet today-for the most part.
She instructed me to look at my eating the same way I look at my workout. Go heavy or go home. She told me I need to attack my eating and my eating patterns as I attack my workouts. So, that’s my goal this week. I’m back to logging everything and I’m going to start w/ my supplements again tomorrow. I have been taking my n.o. and protein though.
So this week I’m focusing on my eating, drinking more water, and using my relaxation techniques instead of food to relax me. I have to attack my eating as I attack the gym. It can be done. I just have to take it one day a time. I have to stop beating myself up. I also have to buckle down on my cardio and ab training-both of them have been pretty half ass and non-existant. Nothing I want will ever come to be if I don’t cover all ends. I can do it-I know I can, I just have to make up my mind. I don’t want to look like everyone-I want to stand above them. You know. Be better then the rest. Then I keep thinking, I’m going on vacation next year as well. I want to look and feel better at 29 then at 28. As I age, I’m trying to get better, wiser, stronger, etc. I’m trying to move forward NOT backwards. So-that’s my soapbox speal for the day!
*Yours in health & fitness-HH*

Another Week, another Lesson Learned….
Well, after a terrible eating week-I sat down and had a heart to heart talk with none other then myself. I put so much time and energy into the gym, yet my diet is so completely half assed! It’s a cycle-good 2 weeks, fall off 3, good 2 weeks, fall off 3 weeks. What gives? You know?
The past few weeks eating wise have been the worst ever. Ever since we moved our seats around at work-it’s been bad, but last week and the week before were TERRIBLE! I can NOT begin to tell you about all of the crap I ate. Let’s just say, HH got blacklisted from the candy drawer! Yeah, I got blacklisted. They couldn’t believe how much candy I would eat!
The boys around me order big, fattening, lunches! Goodness, the grub smells so darn good! I admit, I have been ordering lunch waaay to much-more so more now then ever. Even when I don’t order, they always share w/ me. They never force me, but it’s always, ‘here sweetie! Taste this! It is phenomenal!” Well, sweetie always tastes and eats way to much! Let’s not even mention the mid afternoon coffee runs!! Yeah..so all in all diet has been complete and total crap.
I came to the realization that I was burnt out on baked chicken, tuna, veggies, and all the good stuff. I was freaking burnt out! I brought my lunch and made my food for the whole week and it’s still sitting in the fridge! (well, I have done well today-chicken and rice, chicken and broccoli-etc.) All last week I was overdosing on yogurt (f.f.), raisin bran, etc. The diet world has been  something nasty!!!
Well, Saturday-I met w/ my therapist again. It was an easy going session. No tears this week, more giggles and aha moments. Okay-Let me recap on my Tuesday morning before I go any further. Monday night around midnight I received a few restricted calls on my phone-obviously I didn’t pick up. Tuesday, before I could really get in the office good and get focused, my phone is ringing again-restricted calls. Yet again, I do NOT pick the calls up. A few minutes later, my line at my desk rings..so, hh is thinking-WTF! I pick up, it’s a lady calling for me and leaves her name and number. Nothing rang a bell. The area code was NOT local. Well, I asked one of my boys what area code it was-Birmingham, AL. Bingo! It dawned on me. So, then-I check my email. I get an email from this infamous lady that has blew up my phone. Yeah, hold onto your seats-the plot gets thicker.
The infamous women calling and emailing me was the wife of someone I use to date-well, had a fling w/ about 4 years back. Yeah. I did NOT know she existed-nor did I know about the 3 kids he had.
Her email was nice and respectful. I about flipped the hell out! I ordered breakfast and that was the day I got blacklisted from the candy drawer. I was spazing out! All I kept thinking is was this ******* married when we were seeing other? How could he lie about 3 kids! I was just in a tailspin of emotions! I was angry because of the principal-not because I was in love or wanted him anymore.
So, I got up the nerve and I called the married Mrs. back. I talked to her about 30 minutes and I spilled my guts. I shared everything w/ her. She broke down crying on the phone. She found out about me due to sheer carelessness. She got home from school and he never closed his email out and she saw an email between us and then found all these pictures of me. (she even complimented me and said that I looked great and it was quite clear that I worked out-a lot.) Him and I remained friends since we met. We would just email one another occasionally.
I never knew that he was married. It was quite the bullet to swallow. I was pissed off. I was hurt because I had to be the one to tell her everything. I mean, come on there is no nice way to say-I’m sorry I screwed your husband. Yeah, right. It would’ve been one thing if I had known about her and I was just being a jezebel-but it’s a different ballgame when you don’t have a clue as to what reality really is! Needless to say, by the time Tuesday ended I was so mentally drained, I didn’t even train! I was tired, drained, and just mentally taken for a loop!
So now we can fast forward to Saturday morning. I told my dr. the whole story and I told her how I literally spazed out and just flew off the rocker and I also told her bad my eating had been that day.
When I flip out I throw my hands up by my head and I say, OMG! Are you kidding me? That’s symbolic for: HEATHER IS ‘BOUT TO FLIP THE HELL OUT IN 2.5 SECONDS. From that point, my anxiety kicks in and so does the crazy eating or shopping.
So, she showed me some techniques of how to deal w/ my anxiety while at work to relax myself, mentally and physically. She told me feeding my anxiety w/ food or shopping, is like feeding a monster and it will NEVER be satisfied, it will always want more!
So lets fast forward to this morning-shall we? A co-worker of mine made a lil comment in regards to my personal life. It’s another long, lovely complicated situation. Long story short-he met the wife of a dude I use to see and who I am still very good friends w/. Anyhow, the comment just pissed me off and completely got under my skin. Yep, the hands went up, only to be followed w/ OMG, are you freaking kidding me.
So, I tried the technique and to my surprise it kinda worked. No candy, no binge-I was okay. I just opted for a skinny latte after I could feel myself calming down.
I am realizing that I need to learn how to deal w/ my emotions and anxiety, not just spaz out and eat. That just creates a bigger problem! I need to allow myself to be mad, happy, sad, depressed, whatever. Feel the emotions and keep on truckin. That’s what I’m learning.
Basically, she instructed me to sit and contract my muscles as tight as I could and take very deep, deep breaths and as I relax my muscles-exhale. To my surprise it worked today. So, I’m happy about that. I’m still on track w/ my diet today-for the most part.
She instructed me to look at my eating the same way I look at my workout. Go heavy or go home. She told me I need to attack my eating and my eating patterns as I attack my workouts. So, that’s my goal this week. I’m back to logging everything and I’m going to start w/ my supplements again tomorrow. I have been taking my n.o. and protein though.
So this week I’m focusing on my eating, drinking more water, and using my relaxation techniques instead of food to relax me. I have to attack my eating as I attack the gym. It can be done. I just have to take it one day a time. I have to stop beating myself up. I also have to buckle down on my cardio and ab training-both of them have been pretty half ass and non-existant. Nothing I want will ever come to be if I don’t cover all ends. I can do it-I know I can, I just have to make up my mind. I don’t want to look like everyone-I want to stand above them. You know. Be better then the rest. Then I keep thinking, I’m going on vacation next year as well. I want to look and feel better at 29 then at 28. As I age, I’m trying to get better, wiser, stronger, etc. I’m trying to move forward NOT backwards. So-that’s my soapbox speal for the day!
*Yours in health & fitness-HH*

*Sometimes you have to go through the pain in order to experience the joy* Diddy
You know, for the past few weeks I have been in this extremely deep sense of thought. I have been re-evaluating a lot of things-some things personal and some things not so personal. I have thought about the good jobs-the bad ones, the good relationships and the toxic ones. I have been pondering a lot about my time in the gym and all that I put into it.
Sometimes you have to go through the pain to experience the joy…hmmm..we all have been through bad break-ups, dysfunctional relationships, screwed up friendships, unfair situations. A lot of us deal w/ issues w/ food, anxiety, depression..etc. This one sentence hit home-I kept saying it and I realized that I had to gain 30lbs some time ago in order to take the gym seriously. I had to gain the weight in order to realize that I’m not ‘naturally’ thin-it’s work in progress. That was when I realized that I will have to make this a lifestyle fix, not a quick fix. Quick fixes do not work. Some days my eating is good and some days my eating is crappy-but at the end of it all-I know what I need to do in order to maintain and to lose body fat.
I remember the pain and aggravation of putting on clothes and they didn’t fit. I remember be pissed because I had to go up a size or two when I went shopping-that was the pain that I had to experience, but the joy now. The joy: of going to buy a pair of jeans and having to go down from a size 7 to a 5 or from a 9 to a 7. Wow! The joy in going from shoulder pressing 10lb dumb bells to 25lb dumb bells, or how about squatting 20lbs to squatting over 100. Dead lifting 20lbs to dead lifting 100 lbs! Amazing! I can look back now and say, that pain and aggravation were worth it! It was a cross road that brought me where I am today. I feel in my heart that I am the princess of the gym! I do-I lift w/ my hot pink nails and black gloves and I focus and key in on myself. My workouts are NOT about anyone or anything else except for me. However I might take things that are upsetting me or stressing me out and channel that energy into my workouts. I try to take the negative and use it as a positive.
I can honestly say yesterday was the first time in a very long time that I got really upset and didn’t eat! That was quite refreshing when I realized it! I mean, I was truly hot under to collar and wanted to just spat off, but I kept my cool and got up and left for about 30 minutes and just grabbed a cup of coffee and I was okay. When I left the office-I went to the gym and had a wonderful workout. All the things that were bothering me and aggravating me became fuel for my personal fire! I was able to do 45lbs on the t-bar row for the first time! I was so proud! The funny thing is that one of my friends, Leo @ the gym was picking on me all day yesterday. So, I decided to pick on him. He was ‘warming up’ w/ the 45lbs and I told him to lift like a man, NOT a sissy! So, he in turn told me, well-since your so damn strong-tough girl, do it. Ha-I pounded out 10 reps w/ perfect form!!! I dropped the weight and looked at him and told him-Now, YOU need to man up and your weight up -SMALL FRY! Lol! I love the boys at the gym! They make me laugh!
I realize now that regardless to if a relationship is right or wrong, you can NOT control your feeling or emotions-especially if you have love for another person. Relationships can make you or break you. I had a relationship that lasted for quite a long time. I talk about it often during my therapy sessions-while going through this particular relationship I never quite understood the significance of it! I was never willing to admit how I felt and I felt guilty for the emotions that I harbored for this person. However, in therapy I’m able to admit it all and be okay w/ it! I realize that for a long time, I took that person for granted-I thought they would always be there and in a way-I took advantage of it. I also can look back now and admit that, that  particular person and relationship was like a security blanket to me. When I was down-he was always there for me and willing to be and give me what I needed, but when everything was fine and the wheels were turning in a positive directions-I kept my distance and did my own thing and never stopped and worried-about how he was doing! Even though in my heart, I knew the way I felt about this person. I just didn’t want to admit it! Denial is a mother! So, considering that I’m now talking to a therapist, I’m kind of reliving it all. I feel like a volcano at times, my emotions are literally bubbling over. Now that I have a chance to be open and honest w/ this person-I am. I have been sharing all that I have felt and do. I know that he has feelings as well as I do. We just deal w/ them in different ways.
 By going through the pain of yesterday-the last relationship, this whole therapy thing, dealing w/ these new panic attacks and anxiety that I have-I have a sense of joy and peace today. All of the situations that we go through shape us and our character! I know the content of my heart and my soul! I know what makes me tick and how to make others tick-I know the warning signs to a toxic relationship! I am constantly learning how to shape my body as well as my mind. I am in the process of learning how to deal with my anxiety and the pervious binges.
You’ve got to go through the pain sometimes in order to experience the joy. There is a certain pain that comes w/ being over weight, loving someone you can not have, having issues and not realizing them, learning how to break bad habits, feeling like your in a never ending battle, almost losing your best friend in the world, feeling like you are totally alone and no one understands or feels your pain, or how about being depressed and having NO clue as to why you are depressed-that is pain, After you manage to get through that-joy will surely follow. Things aren’t perfect today, but guess what I am okay. I do have joy and I can sit and smile.  Everyday is a learning process. I wake up now and I think, well-what the hell am I going to learn today? What will I discover about myself and my emotions?
So when things seem to be really bad, falling apart or when the walls seem to be closing in-remember,
You have to go through the pain sometimes in order to experience the joy