~Heather’s World~

i have been feeling really, really depressed and someone mentioned supplements and said maybe they are the cause. however, i really don’t know. i taker the following stuff:

No-explode, Protein (whey/Casein), Beta Alanine, Creatine, L-carnitine, Multivitiman, B12, Iron, Venom hyperdrive(fatburner), CLA, and i think that’s all. that’s all i can remember. oh, i also take the Venom leandreams at night.

i feel really depressed! i can’t sleep, somedays i want to gorge and other days, i dont want to eat-period. i don’t know what the heck is wrong w/ me. so i was wondering, are the supplements getting to me?

You know I am so aggravated right now. I literally just want to scream bloody murder! First, I woke up in the middle of the night last night, hungry as usual and ate. Woke up this morning, so damn sore-I just rested. Yesterday was such a long painful day because the 2 damn people I assist are related to dumb and dumber. I told both of them yesterday, I was a bit tired, to pay a little more attention to picks and drops! WE HAD MORE issues yesterday then I don’t know what. We had loads just sitting in the yard, missed picks and drops! I was so damn pissed off. It’s like, who’s damn freight is it, mine’s or yours. I’m so tired of them! Then today, I’m tracking deliveries, I see I made a mistake on a date. I had a delivery set for 03/01/01! Are you kidding me! They are suppose to always check the load entry b4 opening the damn load. He didn’t do it, so that means, that’s another load blown. He doesn’t even know! That’s how dense he is. Drugs kill and fry your damn brain! That’s for sure.
I’m tired as hell, I’m mentally drained working w/ these 2 people, I’m so aggravated right now. I’m tired of being self conscience about every damn thing I eat, I look at myself and I think I’m fat and it drives me crazy and I bust my ass in the gym and I feel like I’m always stuck at the same place. I just want to wire my mouth shut! I’m tired of busting my ass super hard in the gym and for what, nothing! I look the same! I’m tired of  just everything and every damn person.
Then me and shawn got into it this morning. This is the first time in a long time. He just set me off and as a result of that, I forgot to wish him a happy b-day because his b-day was today. He had enough nerves to tell me, I hope you don’t treat me like you treated Kelly..excuse me? Oh, what did he say that for! I went off and was like, how dare you say that to me. You don’t have a damn clue as to what Kelly put me through or how he treated me or downgraded me. Oh, I was pissed the hell off! I just want to cry. I’m so tired of working 10 damn hours a day! I hate it! I hate the vulgar environment! I hate helping these 2 idiots! I can’t even get quiet mentally-because my mind is always on the go and that is NOT how I need to be. I’m just so tired of this shit. I’m so tired, I’m so sexually fusterated, I’m so tired of going to the g ym, busting my ass only to wake up in the middle of the night and just eat freaking p.b. and jelly rice cakes or sf jello or whatever. I’m tired of not having enough time for me to even just sit down and read and just enjoy the calm and quietness. I’m so tired right now and I feel like I am going to burst. I really do. Then shawn just made it that much worse w/ his stupid ass comment. I don’t know. the he says, well when I was there you were mad cause I talked about the way you drive and I was like, yeah and! I apologized! WHY ARE MEN SO DAMN STUPID, THEY THINK THEY CAN TOSS OUT SOME LAME ASS APOLOGY AND WERE JUST SOSPOSE TO SAY, OKAY! AND BE 50 GRAND THEN BE UP ON THEM! GIVE ME A DAMN BREAK! I DON’T CARE IF YOU SAY SORRY 1000 TIMES, UNTIL I FEEL LIKE I HAVE SAID EVERYTHING THAT I NEED TO OR THAT’S ON MY CHEST, YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO HEAR IT! IT WAS THE SAME WAY THIS MORNIGN! I just hit the roof…and I was like, do you have any idea what sort of mental and emotional abuse I went through. Do you have any idea how that man treat me.do you realize how scared I was of him and thought he was going to beat my ass. Do you have any clue! Yet, you gonna say I hope you don’t treat me like him. Hell nah! Girl, I lost it and I’m just so upset right now about work. I’m aggravated as hell. I’m tired and tired. And tired. I just want to cry right now because I’m aggravated.

Okay, due to everyone inquiring about this chart-thingy that i’m doing, i’m going to share it w/ everyone, in a bit more detail. First of all, the mind, body, spirit chart was not from my great mind, but it was actually a project for an online bible study i read one day and i thought it was pretty darn cool!

Okay, basically, you have 3 catergories, Mind, Body, and Spirit.

Now, you have 5-10 goals for each catergory, obviously the goal is to reach each of your goals for that day. you get 10 points for every goal met.

so if you can picture this, you will have the dates on the side of your paper (lets just use the dates of the challenge-my chart goes until August 26, then i go on vacation on the 28th and will start a new chart when i get back home.)

Now, on the top of the paper, you will have 10 rows with your goal for that day and the very last box will just say points. each day you accomplish something, write, yes or no or use x’s and no’s. whatever. then at the end of the week or day, add your points up! it’s really cool to see how much you can accomplish if you actually set your mind to it!

when i did this, i felt super close to God and i felt like i got waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more accomplished. if i didn’t explain this well enough, i will look for the actual link to the web page and  you can see and read about it. it’s awesome.

 Here are a few of my catergories

Mind: Read my devotion daily, memorize atleast 5 verses during the challenge, continue studying the love to eat, hate to eat eating principals, journal my eating and JOURNAL EVERYTIME I FEEL A BINGE COMING ON, etc.

Body: Lift 5 days, do 3 days of cardio am (at the least), do all pm cardio sessions, take a few minutes to focus on baby got back parts (booty, back, inner thighs, and abs. this could be 1 extra exercise daily or whatever, just the icing on the cake, but daily), eat foods in as natural of a state as possible, eat the way my trainer insists, drink atleaast 1/2 gallon of h20

Spirit: Light a candle and pray (fire is a sign of God), sing a song, write a praise report, mediate in complete silence, write a faith based blog on a revelation, etc.

these are just a few of the things i’m working on doing!

i hope this helps!

Blurb for the upcoming week & challenge 

Despite being really busy, I thought i would take the time to pretty much lay out my game plan for everyone. So, here we go. 

Today has been another one of those days. Yeah-just busy, okay, eating kinda blah, feeling tired, so forth and so on. So, I went on lunch today and seriously thought about this challenge and my binges and just everything that means anything to me. I came to the conclusion that I need a schedule that I pretty much set in stone and try to keep to it come hell or high water. You know what I mean? 

I have made great progress! As soon as my results started blooming, i started binging! Terrible! Yeah, as terrible as it is, it’s honest! I know I’m not the only one who suffers through this or goes through it. So, I just want other people to know they are not alone! Training has NEVER been my issue, my issue is w/ my eating. However, I have a game plan for that. 

So, onto goals, they are as follows: 

1. The first thing that I want to devise is a schedule and truly try to keep to it! That ensures that my body will eventually get accustomed to it. 

2. I want to do cardio atleast 3 days in the am, my goal is 5-but I need to do atleast 3 days in the morning. 

3. I want to get my quiet time in w/ the Lord, I notice when I put him off, he puts me off. When I was passionate and hungry for him, everything was 50 grand! What I mean by that is that everything went well. I didn’t binge as much. Once I started putting him in the back seat, I feel as if he put me out of the car! Yeah, so-definitely need to schedule his time daily, even if it’s only prayer or whatever-he deserves something 

4. I want to do another mind, body, spirit, chart. This shows you clearly in black and white how good or bad you do. I found this idea w/in an online bible study and it worked great, I was blooming all around the table and I looked forward to x’ing everything off that I did! However, I stopped about a month ago or so and I feel that I went downhill. So it’s literally back to the chart!! I’m excited though, I’ll make a pretty one in my notebook 

5. Along w/ my given eating plan, I want to practice the disciplined eating regime. It’s more about the mind w/ this versus the food. So I want to definitely become stronger and better in this realm! (love to eat, hate to eat, by Elyse Fitzpatrick!) 

6. I want to obviously do all scheduled workouts, but I want to throw in a few extra things, like really focusing on these inner thighs and my bum! You know. I also want to work on my tummy. 

7. my goal for my waist is about25-26in. I’m not realy concerned w/ my weight, I just want to see the bodyfat drop. 

My diet will consist mostly of protein and complex carbs and veggies. It’s extremely plain and at times, rather boring. Lol. However, I know it works. I don’t eat bread or anything, basically oatmeal and rice cakes. 

Also, I have to make sure to hit a half gallon of h20 day-at the least!! 

That’s all for now! 

Well, I have decided to take part in this challenge! Right now, things are just crazy nuts! Work is like a new journey everyday. It’s funny because I have been working for this company for about 7 months now and I feel like I have worked more in like the past week and half then I have in the past few months. I went from assisting someone who is anal, organized, quite particular about everything! We had rules, regulations, and protocol! However, I am assisting 3 people now instead of one! Now, one person that I help is the actual assistant and I serve as his back up. (he’s great, so that’s the easy part.)However, I assist 2 other people- now, they are actually really really nice guys, BUT they are so, so, so, off the radar! I mean, literally I’m like old Mother Hubbard, watching the kids! My days are extremely long now! I don’t have any downtime at work, other then when I walk away from my desk  and probably like the last 30 minutes of the day. I get in early and leave late.
So, the past 2 weeks or so have been a complete struggle, I fell off really bad and had a 5 day hiatus of junk. Can anyone say Binge?! Then I was so tired that I decided to give my body a compete rest, no training for 5 days. I felt so guilty at first! Hell, last Monday, I got home from the gym around 7.15p, just sat on the edge of the bed and laid back, I was sleep from like 7.45p until 5.30am the next day. yeah, it’s been like that for almost 2 weeks now, needless to say-the am cardio hasn’t been happening. I’m tired. I can’t function. My workouts were lacking! I was cranky and I do feel like that caused me to crave more crap! So, I just hung out and rested all week. I hung out at home, resting, Work had got so stressful that I just lost it! I mean,I went buck wild and I felt so bad after it was all said and done. That’s how I dealt w/ my emotions, comforting myself w/ candy and sweets. However that has to stop as well. So far I have done well this week.
So, the show in November-given the situation w/ work-I don’t think I have the time to give it 110% and I don’t want to truly start it if I can not complete it. I think of it as a dream deffered. You know? however, I’m still trucking pressing on to reach my goals.
So, my goals for the next 6 weeks-
I’m going to opt out for the extra 600 calories/free meal w/in the hour deal! Lol! Yeah, just covering my butt here ladies! Lol.
Well, I want to get my waist down to 26-27in by the end of next month when I go on vacation to see my darling boyfriend.
I want my bum to stand out more, I my back and shoulders to get more defined and basically just drop body fat!
Also, on a mental note, this is a personal challenge for myself-I read a book, love to eat/hate to eat and it talks about compulsive over eating, emotional eating and other things! So, I’m putting that into play for myself. It’s cool, because it’s from a biblical stand point and it has given me a totally different outlook on food and what I do!! So I will be trying to adhere to this and my diet.
I’ll give results by inches, weight, pictures, and just honesty! J The pic on my avi is from today.
Okay, I’ve gotta run-phones are ringing, faxes are coming in and loads need to be checked and updated!

You don’t leave much to the imagination?!
Okay-short blog for the day! Anyways-so today I have been having cravings out of the world! I wanted my crasin trailmix, but my dear old girlfriend told me, NO! SHE WAS TOTALLY SERIOUS! I kept stalking her, Dana! Can I have it! Please! She told me no! no! and no! L whoa is me!
So I go outside for my usual 3p smoke break! (yes, I still smoke!!!) Well, I’m standing there, enjoying the breeze on of the boys says, “Well dear, you don’t save very much for the imagination!” I turn around and I’m like what?! He was like, don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I start laughing and I’m like-I don’t! I look bad?! He was like, hell no! you look really good! It’s obvious how hard you work to stay in shape the way that you do and you look great! I was like, wow! Thank you!
Now, keep in my I’m super self conscience of myself. I normally keep my hoodie on in the office, because it’s always so cold and it covers my bum! Well today, I do have on some pretty tight grey exercise pants w/ my cute black wife beater! So, you do see the bum!
Well, back to break, so anyhow, another boy was standing next to me and he hit my cigarettes, I had my arms behind my back. Anyhow, it looked like he thumped my bum! So, the first guy was like, buddy! That’s real! USDA GRADE A ASS! I about burst in laughter! Wooow! I have USDA GRADE A ASS! It’s great, because it’s all muscle! My butt doesn’t jiggle or look weird, it’s nice and firm and I’m really proud of it!
So, I guess today, I didn’t leave very much to the imagination! Lol!
Then another one of my buddy’s stayed outside w/ me and I gave him a hug and just laid my head upon his chest! Lol! Everyone was like aww, isn’t that cute! Whatever! He’s just a nice guy. That’s all. He says I’m a sweetheart when I’m not running my mouth! Lol J
So, I feel pretty good today! It’s a good feeling to know that other people can see the hard workout you put into yourself, without you having to tell everyone! It’s all a good feeling when someone refers to your bum as USDA GRADE A ASS! LOL J

Friday’s Fluff
Well, TGIF! Another week has come and gone. This week was much better then last week. I feel good-not to many things to complain about.
This week did start off rough for me, if you read my previous blog-you’ll see why. I was just having a lot of issues w/in myself, however I did the only thing I knew to do to get over it and get back up-I prayed and just stood on faith in what I knew and I’m perfectly fine now, by the Lord’s good graces.
Okay, my workouts have been pretty good! My lifting is definitely on point! I get such enjoyment out of it-mentally and physically! I notice my strength increasing (or maybe its just all my sups! Lol)! I also see small changes in my body! I’m loving that! They call me “Muscles” @ work. Now, I know some are being smarta$$es, but that’s fine-It doesn’t to much faze me, I like my muscle.Then there are some that call me gorgeous and all sorts of fun stuff! Lol! J My am cardio workouts were lacking this week, not to bad, but definitely not as good as I had anticipated! However, I have ended my week off on a great note! I got up at 4am this mornign and did my 30 minutes outside in the rain! Yeah, I sure did-I ran sprints and stairs in the rain, not a mist, but the rain!
I got out of bed and thought, guur, I don’t want to, but the Lord was faithful enough to roll me out of bed, so I was faithful enough to do what I had said. I stumbled around and threw my gear on. I went outside and I saw how it had rained all night. I said, oh, whatever-I’m just gonna stay out here. No sooner then I started jogging to warm up-it started to rain. Now, I contemplated-Should I stay outside and finish or just go shower and get ready. Hmmmm part of me wanted to say forget it, it’s a wrap-I’m going in. the other part of me said, NO! You’re are going to finish this-and I don’t care if it rains, snows, if there is sleet or shine w/in this 30 minutes-YOU WILL FINISH. So, I listened and I finished and ran/sprinted in the rain. It’s funny, but it was theraputic, almost like all the crap I ate yesterday from my free day was cleansed and removed! I felt like God was washing me, personally, telling me, Man up-time to get focused to go higher this week. Ha! I enjoyed my run in rain!
Food..lol..Can’t live w/it and definitely can NOT live w/out it. My eating was fairly good this week. Not perfect, but NOT bad. I want it to be damn near perfect this week! That is my goal. It has been good though, so with that ia m pleased.
Now, yesterday was my ‘free’ day. I am able to eat 3 free meals of whatever I want-period. After my first 3 meals, the next 10 meals (1.5 days) is pure PROTEIN! No carbs, no nothing, just protein and water! Well, I had my free meals, I had some brownies, a candy bar, a bag of dorritos and a calzone. Let me tell you all something, I was miserable! I was in freaking sugar comatosis! I could NOT keep my eyes open at my desk, I was literally nodding off and I had to keep getting up walking around, drinking ice cold water to keep myself away. I had to take a nap on my lunch to get through the rest of my day! I couldn’t figure out why, I didn’t wake up early, I went to sleep at my normal time-what changed? MY FOOD! I’m starting to realize that when you eat crap, you feel like crap! All I could do was email my buddy at work, Dana-I’m so tired! I’m bloated! She just giggled and said, its okay, tomorrow is your protein day! I said, yeah. I know. so, after my free meals, I had protein shakes, a turkey burger w/ mustard-no bun or anything, and another shake and some egg whites for my last meal and water. I woke up this morning and had a protein shake, a turkey burger w/ mustard for my 2^nd meal, and now I am eating my grilled chicken for my 3^rd meal, 4^th meal is egg whites and turkey bacon, to be followed by my 5^th meal which a shake, then another shake after my cardio, followed by chicken and another shake for my 7^th meal. However, I do have my s.f. jello! “J no coolwhip or whip cream though. So, that’s great!
I feel so great this morning! I’m a bit sleepy, but I feel good! I have energy, I’m not bloated nor do I feel lathargic like I did yesterday. I feel good! I am blessed! I’m starting to realize that junk food isn’t just refered to as junk food for no reason. It is junk. Its lie putting cheap gas in a Bentley! Yeah right! That’s the dumbest thing in the world! That’s the same way our bodies are! Even though we might feel we have a pinto, we need to treat it as though it’s a Bentley sitting on chrome! J
Today they are having a cookout @ work for us! They have the group of newbies slaving  over the grill! Haha! (it’s like 90 degrees here) they are making hamburgers and hotdogs and have provided cookies, my favorite kind. I saw the cookies this morning and I thought, OH NO! So, I repeated my verse:
If you are a man given into appeite, take a knife to your throat! do not desire their delicies, for they are deceptive food. (Proverbs)
Then I reminded myself of how terrible I felt  yesterday and I’m fine-I actually rather have a rice cake w/ sugar free jelly, because it’s loaded w/ flavor and sweet, but its not loaded w/ crap to make me feel bloated and crappy!
Okay, so here are my goals for the upcoming week

Well, this will definitely be a ‘rant’-not to much to ‘rave’ about. You know for as long as I can remember, I have wanted to compete. I don’t really know why or when it was born, but it was always there. None the less, I just pushed the idea away, far away from my mind, but it still dwelled w/in my heart. 

I finally decided this year I was going to do the NPC show November 1^st, 08. Well, I don’t know now. Yeah, the more I think about it, the more scared I get. Before I can even get a positive thought or word out, a negative thought, word, or suggestion takes it place. “You can’t win! Hell, you can’t compete!” “You are wasting time and money!” “You’re killing yourself for no good reason!” “You lack self discipline and motivation, just back out now and make it easy on yourself and your checking account.” I can NOT even think of all the crap that has just been in and out of my mind. I was doing perfectly fine! Then out of no where it was like mentally I was being attacked! 

My diet was okay for the holiday, it was NOT what I wanted or anticipated, but it definitely wasn’t as bad as it use to be. So, I’m kind of proud of that. My workouts have been good as well. Still want to do better in the gym, but that’s just normal for me! 

Right now, I am scared-scared that I will not be able to see this through, scared that I will just fall off, and just scared in every sense of the word. As much as I want it, I’m scared that I will not be able to achieve it and end up looking nothing short of an idiot at the end of the day. All I can think about is all the people that I have told and now, I’m like..great! Now look what you have gotten yourself into! 

Then, besides being scared-I started w/ excuses. Ha! I started thinking about the money, the supplements, the food, the training, money for suits, posing, etc. I was just like, WTF! I just laid in bed last night, like you have officially lost your damn mind. Even though I know my parents would help me where ever I need it. But still, I had excuse after excuse as to why I can’t do this or wouldn’t be able to do it! I just don’t know. 

It’s so amazing how so, so, many other people see so much potential in me! It’s astounding! All I can think is do you see the same heather that I do? I see every single one of my flaws, my flabby stomach, my legs, etc. I see it all and I just keep thinking, dropping this damn b.f. takes forever! I honestly feel like I should wake up tomorrow and poof it’s gone! But, I know that’s far from the case! Not only am I trying to drop body fat, but I am trying to put on muscle! I just see my stomach and I look at other competitor’s and I’m like, ha! Hell has a chance of freezing over better then this going away! Terrible, but that is the way that I have been thinking and feeling. Everyone is telling me that this is a storm and that I have to! They support me and I can do it! But I’m just like an runaway kid, literally sitting on the curb w/ my 1 bag, wondering-do I just go back home or do I venture out on what I felt led to do…

Okay, here is my weekly update on whats going on over in my little less then perfect world. Lol.
Well, I am feeling normal again, I am 100% over my virus! Thank the Lord! J It was really hard to get back into eating on a schedule w/ low carbs at first, but I’m okay with that now. So, here is the funny thing-by the time my body got readjusted to eating all the necessary protein-it was time for a cheat day. I swear, I was bloated and gasy for like 5 days straight! This week however, I feel much, much, better. I haven’t had that bloated feeling!
My eating regime is basically the same, less starch more veggies and protein, and 7meals! Ha! 7 meals? Yeah, Phil told me today, add another meal of protein. All I could think was, are you kidding me?! But I trust him and I know that he knows what he is talking about-I have faith in him and his knowledge. So, tomorrow I will partaking in a 7^th meal!
I have had really, really, really bad sweet cravings this week! Yesterday it was bad around early morning-mid afternoon and around the same time today. Yesterday, however-I think because I was so frazzled, busy, and stressed-it made me want chocolate! I didn’t have any though. Today, it was so strong, I almost cracked. But I did what I always do, I prayed. People might laugh and snicker-that’s totally fine-but as for me, I pray. I just said, hmm okay Lord..i really feel like stealing this guys jar of chocolate candy that is bigger then a 5lb tub of protein…(trust me, I could’ve ate it as well! He shares it w/ everyone and he loves me, so its there for my taking! It had all of my favorites in there and I pass it everytime I go to the potty and kitchen..just staring..whispering heaaaather…heeeeyyyyy heaaaaaather! One day, I’m going to yell, LEAVE ME ALONE! Lol. But thank God, today was NOT that day.) so, I didn’t stick today, I had 2 more unsalted rice cakes w/ s.f. jelly. Which I felt bad, because I only eat starch for breakfast today, but I had the extra rice cakes. I started to beat myself up and I thought, wait a minute! The old heather wouldve just totally binged on the candy and said, to hell w/ it, but today-I said, no! not today! Thursday, if you really must and still it will be w/in reason! Guess what-God is good and the craving subsided and I was fine. Then I went napped on lunch came back and the same candy tub was talking to me, I ignored it and kept going. I thought, hmmm another rice cake! Then I paused and thought, hell no! I have been busting my butt! Literally, my legs are so sore-I can barely walk! I got up and ran sprints outside at 4am t his morning. I said, it’s so NOT worth it! So, I had my shake and it hit the spot! So, no complaints. Just thanks and praise for God helping me stick to my goals. When I’m weak, he’s strong and trust me, I hold tight onto that one.
Today I fought w/ my alarm clock, because I did NOT want to get up at 4am, let alone to run! But yet again, my God stepped in and I got up. I laid there for about 5 minutes…like..damnit, I’m tired, I’m sore..my legs are aching! Are you kidding me 30 mins of ‘hiit’. Yeah, how ‘bout ‘hiit’ the snooze button and keep sleeping! But it was that still small voice, that said, come on heather-you’ll feel better once you get up, just get up and go outside. So, I woke up grouchy as hell. Lol. I ran and had a good workout-still achy and sore-but it was done! I deserved a gold star! J
My lifting is going well, I’m pushing harder and really focusing on just getting ripped! I want this so bad, more then I have ever wanted anything else. I talk about it constantly! Thank God my 3 closest friends are all into the gym, because if not they would’ve told me to shut my pie hole already! But they are all so excited pushing me and encourging me! What a blessing! I finally see the potential in myself-I never thought I had!
I no longer speak about my moutain-I speak to it! I call those things that be not as though they are! you know what I mean? Like my tummy, its mush. Yeah, I use to sit and just roll my eyes at it and just think-ugh. Now I rub my belly and say thank God for my abs! thank you Lord for letting them pop! Thank you for my wonderfully shaped v-taper. Thank you for renewing me. I try to stay positive about everything and thankful about everything, even my 2 rice cake slip up today! It makes a world of difference.
So my weight has went from 151 to 146lbs. My waist went from 30 to 29in, then back to 30in (while I was sick and carbing) now it is back down to 29in. so I’m happy. But my bodyfat is still at 22%. That’s what Phil said. I want to see it get down to 19%-soon! Slow and steady will win that race though.
So all in all-I’m doing well, no major complaints or worries. I’m just getting focused on the challenges that lie ahead. I take it one day at a time and I’m trying to enjoy the journey! My first goal is just to be able to wear my swimsuit for Vacation for Labor day! so I have about 2 months! J
Have a happy 4^th of July! Be blessed, safe, and healthy!

Okay, here is my weekly update on whats going on over in my little less then perfect world. Lol.
Well, I am feeling normal again, I am 100% over my virus! Thank the Lord! J It was really hard to get back into eating on a schedule w/ low carbs at first, but I’m okay with that now. So, here is the funny thing-by the time my body got readjusted to eating all the necessary protein-it was time for a cheat day. I swear, I was bloated and gasy for like 5 days straight! This week however, I feel much, much, better. I haven’t had that bloated feeling!
My eating regime is basically the same, less starch more veggies and protein, and 7meals! Ha! 7 meals? Yeah, Phil told me today, add another meal of protein. All I could think was, are you kidding me?! But I trust him and I know that he knows what he is talking about-I have faith in him and his knowledge. So, tomorrow I will partaking in a 7^th meal!
I have had really, really, really bad sweet cravings this week! Yesterday it was bad around early morning-mid afternoon and around the same time today. Yesterday, however-I think because I was so frazzled, busy, and stressed-it made me want chocolate! I didn’t have any though. Today, it was so strong, I almost cracked. But I did what I always do, I prayed. People might laugh and snicker-that’s totally fine-but as for me, I pray. I just said, hmm okay Lord..i really feel like stealing this guys jar of chocolate candy that is bigger then a 5lb tub of protein…(trust me, I could’ve ate it as well! He shares it w/ everyone and he loves me, so its there for my taking! It had all of my favorites in there and I pass it everytime I go to the potty and kitchen..just staring..whispering heaaaather…heeeeyyyyy heaaaaaather! One day, I’m going to yell, LEAVE ME ALONE! Lol. But thank God, today was NOT that day.) so, I didn’t stick today, I had 2 more unsalted rice cakes w/ s.f. jelly. Which I felt bad, because I only eat starch for breakfast today, but I had the extra rice cakes. I started to beat myself up and I thought, wait a minute! The old heather wouldve just totally binged on the candy and said, to hell w/ it, but today-I said, no! not today! Thursday, if you really must and still it will be w/in reason! Guess what-God is good and the craving subsided and I was fine. Then I went napped on lunch came back and the same candy tub was talking to me, I ignored it and kept going. I thought, hmmm another rice cake! Then I paused and thought, hell no! I have been busting my butt! Literally, my legs are so sore-I can barely walk! I got up and ran sprints outside at 4am t his morning. I said, it’s so NOT worth it! So, I had my shake and it hit the spot! So, no complaints. Just thanks and praise for God helping me stick to my goals. When I’m weak, he’s strong and trust me, I hold tight onto that one.
Today I fought w/ my alarm clock, because I did NOT want to get up at 4am, let alone to run! But yet again, my God stepped in and I got up. I laid there for about 5 minutes…like..damnit, I’m tired, I’m sore..my legs are aching! Are you kidding me 30 mins of ‘hiit’. Yeah, how ‘bout ‘hiit’ the snooze button and keep sleeping! But it was that still small voice, that said, come on heather-you’ll feel better once you get up, just get up and go outside. So, I woke up grouchy as hell. Lol. I ran and had a good workout-still achy and sore-but it was done! I deserved a gold star! J
My lifting is going well, I’m pushing harder and really focusing on just getting ripped! I want this so bad, more then I have ever wanted anything else. I talk about it constantly! Thank God my 3 closest friends are all into the gym, because if not they would’ve told me to shut my pie hole already! But they are all so excited pushing me and encourging me! What a blessing! I finally see the potential in myself-I never thought I had!
I no longer speak about my moutain-I speak to it! I call those things that be not as though they are! you know what I mean? Like my tummy, its mush. Yeah, I use to sit and just roll my eyes at it and just think-ugh. Now I rub my belly and say thank God for my abs! thank you Lord for letting them pop! Thank you for my wonderfully shaped v-taper. Thank you for renewing me. I try to stay positive about everything and thankful about everything, even my 2 rice cake slip up today! It makes a world of difference.
So my weight has went from 151 to 146lbs. My waist went from 30 to 29in, then back to 30in (while I was sick and carbing) now it is back down to 29in. so I’m happy. But my bodyfat is still at 22%. That’s what Phil said. I want to see it get down to 19%-soon! Slow and steady will win that race though.
So all in all-I’m doing well, no major complaints or worries. I’m just getting focused on the challenges that lie ahead. I take it one day at a time and I’m trying to enjoy the journey! My first goal is just to be able to wear my swimsuit for Vacation for Labor day! so I have about 2 months! J
Have a happy 4^th of July! Be blessed, safe, and healthy!