~Heather’s World~

I wrote this blog about a week ago. I misplaced my notebook and just happened to stumble across it this morning. I thought I would share a few thoughts w/ you all.

7/17/07

 The Spin Dr. Yesterday started off mildly hot, humid, and sunny. Well, by the time 5.15pm rolled around it was completely pouring down rain, not to mention thundering and lighting. Tuesdays at 6pm is spin class I debated for all of 5 minutes if I should make the trip. I sat quietly on the edge of my bed-

Go to class, get a step closer to your goals

Stay HOME

If you had to go to work, you would go to make your money! Heather, GO TO CLASS! A LITTLE RAIN NEVER, EVER KILLED ANYONE!!

So, to spin class I went! I got drenched running from the back door to the garage. I laughed and said, “Keep your eye on the prize!” As usual, I arrived on time (I hate to be late for anything!), found a comfy bike and got ready to go, go, go! I set up in the back of the room; it almost reminded me of school, sitting in the back of the class. Before I realized it, the spin dr. said, “Come right here!” She pointed to an open spot directly in front of her bike. I seriously thought, DAMN! I MOVED MY BIKE DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HER AND HALF HEARTEDLY SMILED. As class started, my mind began to clear and mountains started to move and so did I. I was pretty hot! The songs varied as usual. I kept up for most of the class. I think it’s because I was directly in front of her!

The Spin dr. jumps off her bike and yells, “Keep it right there guys! Keep it there!” She changed the song. When I hear this song, instantly I say, Oh man! This song lasts for all of freaking eternity! She runs back, jumps on her bike, looked at me and smiled. It was as if she was saying, you know the drill move it and keep it there! I took a deep breath and I stood on my bike, resistance high. I began pedaling-about half way through, I thought OMG-I can’t do this today. I’m tired. Saturday I’ll do better Saturday I will kick ass. “Keep going! Don’t quit on me now! You guys are almost there! Woooooooo! Go! Go! Go! The dr. yelled!!

At that very moment in time, I was Rocky and she was Apollo Creed. I’m not sure if you are familiar with the Rocky Series, but in Rocky 3 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UC_1U7xgAeY), Apollo is training Rocky to beat Clubber Lang. Rocky wasn’t giving his all. In this particular scene, Rocky says to Apollo, “Tomorrow, I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll do it tomorrow!” Apollo gets hot under the collar and says, “There is no tomorrow! There is no tomorrow Rock!” In my mind, I said tomorrow! I’ll do it tomorrow. As Apollo went off, so did the Spin Dr. Guess what, I was like Rocky. I got fired up!! When I thought I was burnt out, I kept pushing! I kept going! I kept telling myself, Heather, there is NO tomorrow! There is only today, right here and right now! Go!!

I was one of the only people to maintain! I never stopped! I never sat back down until she said, “sit”. I kept going and pushing. Granted when I did stop, I thought I was going to die. I was tired! Then, it was time to cool down!

The Spin Dr. inspires me every time I sit on that bike in her class! She is truly an amazing woman to me! I will be forever grateful for her upbeat, bubbly, yet militant persona! She is just 1 of my many Apollo Creeds. She motivates me every time I see her and every time we talk. She is truly a blessing to me and all that take that class. After we were done with the workout, I told her, I am so hooked on your spinning class! That made her smile.

It dawned on me; I inspire her as she inspires me. You see, for every person that shows up in her class, that makes what she does that much more rewarding. The funny thing is that as much as she pushes, motivates, inspires, and encourages the class, the class returns the favor. We inspire her to become faster, stronger, tougher and better! We inspire her to come and teach the class even when she is tired or stressed.

I love my Spin Dr!!!!

The whole point of this blog is that even though there are people that are fit, focused, and built then we are-we still inspire and encourage them. You never know when you will inspire someone. So just be yourself and do whatever it is that you enjoy or love to do! You might just turn out to be someone’s Apollo Creed!

~Train hard & eat right~

Hater’s keep on hating…

I have come to the conclusion that I can not control the dreaded haters of the world! Please, bodyspace, beware! Hater’s are lurking everywhere! At work, the gym, grocery stores, shopping malls, next door, and even around the corner! Haters are wolves in sheep clothing! They come as a thief in the night to destroy your self esteem and everything that you strive for! They can be family, friends, enemies-anyone can be a ‘hater’. Please BEWARE!

The definition for hate is as follows:

1. to dislike somebody or something intensely, often in a way that evokes feelings of anger, hostility, or animosity
2. To have strong distaste or aversion for something, somebody, or something that has to be done.

Why do people feel the need to hate? 1 word can sum it all up-jealousy. In a nutshell it’s all about them being jealous of you or someone else.

Everyone~ yours truly has encountered her own hater. It is the worst kind! It is a family member.

First off it’s quite simple, though this might sound a bit urban or ghetto, it is the truth:

Don’t hate me because you ain’t me!  I am who I am, love it or leave it!

Everyday I go to the gym! There are even days that I go twice, once in the morning and once in the evening. I also watch what I eat, how much I eat, and what liquids I consume. I have put months of effort, sweat, tears, and money into ME! Do NOT be mad at me or try to come down on me, because I love myself, take pride in how I look and feel. Do not be mad that I have pep in my step, walk with my head held high, chest poked out, or that I have a sexy swag.

You see, this person is not just your average hater, following the crowd. She is more less the president, the leader of the pack, something along the lines of David Koresh (remember Waco, TX? Branch Davidian?) I feel like she is starting some sort of hot heather Hater crusade!! Ridiculous? Yes, but it is the truth. They always say, sometimes the truth is much stranger then fiction. I guess this is one of those cases.

The fact of the matter is that she can not keep my name out of her mouth. Every time I turn around I hear things she has said about me. She says that I don’t have my degree and that I better find a man that can take care of me (r u kidding me..), she says that I am jealous of her daughter’s relationship (I THINK NOT), that I am irresponsible, I dance to ‘nasty’ and freak everyone on the dance floor. She also said that I dress way too sexy and that the outfit I looked fierce in on Sunday was inappropriate.  This is the comment that absolutely takes the cake though, she says to me,” hmm, you don’t have any boobs! If you lose anymore weight, you will be even more flat chested then you already are.” I snickered and responded, “Well, I rather be flat chested then to be plain and ugly. See, I can go and buy boobs. If you are Ugly, you are just plain ugly. Nothing can really make an ugly person, pretty. So I rather be slim, trim, flat chested, and blessed with a gorgeous face.” I got up and walked out of the room. At that moment I was to through.

You see, I have realized that since this hater can NOT find fault in the way that I look, she tries to nit pick on me in every other way known to mankind.  She calls other family members, talks about me, and then questions them about my personal life. How childish.

Am I so bad ass that you feel the need to keep tabs on me and mine? Do I intimidate you so much that you feel inferior me?

Everyone, it is officially a wrap! I have had about all the b.s. I can take.  I can NOT control her, what she says, does, or thinks. I can only control myself. If she is jealous now, she better stand back and watch out. She is the fuel that keeps me going when I feel tired or just plain lazy. I am going to take the negative energy she channels to me and turn it into a positive… Along with working on myself and getting better everyday, I still have a few choice words for her. Sh*t has NOT hit the fan yet, but when it does~I guarantee I will stand victorious.

So, ladies & gents, if you all know of any haters, tell them I said it’s open registration. They can grab a number, stand in line, and sign up. I DO NOT CARE!

I advise everyone to stand strong, tall, and proud. Let the haters keep on hating! Use them as fuel for the fire! Please realize you can NOT control them, you can only control yourself and how you deal with the situation. Keep working and striving towards your goals, you will reach them. Never allow someone’s ignorant, jealous, hating comments or ways to detour you from your hopes and dreams. Never feel bad because of them, instead feel bad for them and feel proud of yourself.  Their attitude has nothing to do with the type of person that you are. It is something within them and you can not change it. Do not give them the power to make you feel inferior!!

I will leave you with the words of one of my favorite comedians, Katt Williams.

“If you have 14 haters this week, then you better bust your ass and have 16 haters by next week!!!”

~Guess what, I’m going to find a few more haters!!~

Last night while fliping through a book of mine, I came across this quote:

“It is not enough to know about or appreciate the trinity of good health-diet, exercise and rest; to reap their benefits; you need to make them absolute priorities” Dan Millman
 

After reading this, I began to smile to myself. In the past 4 or 5 months I have made major progress in many different aspects of my life. I have also learned numerous things about myself as a person.

I have discovered that I am a heart felt emotional eater. Now, I can step outside and say to myself with conviction-

“You are NOT hungry ~ you are sad, depressed, angry, or lonely. Feel the emotion, DO NOT EAT IT!!” I am now working on the way that I look at food. I no longer want food to medicate or numb the emotion, I want to feel it to the depths of my soul and move on!

I use to look at exercise as a chore! I hated cardio (remember my love/hate blog) I am slowly and steadily falling for it. I enjoy running & walking as well as riding the elliptical rider. My newly discovered passion is spinning!! I am sold! It’s ironic; I only took the spinning class because I promised someone a ‘gym date’. I went to the class and instantly became hooked. Spinning class to me is like crack to a crack-head. As a drug-head needs to get to the drug house for a fix, I need to get to the gym for spin class twice a week. I NEED that high!

I have also started blogging, sharing myself & my writing with all of bodyspace. Everyone who reads & responds to my blogs has helped me discover how much I love to write, motivate and encourage others. Yesterday was a very trying day for me. By the time I made it home, my mind was fairly clear-but I was still in a mood. I checked my page and received so much love from people! “You inspire me! You motivate me! I love your blogs! You are so talented!” All I could say was, “wow!!” Reading those responses made all I went through yesterday worth it. It made things crystal clear. My calling and passion is to write and share it with anyone who is willing to read it. Thank you all for that! I will be forever grateful!

Now I know for sure that in order to reap the benefits of good health, you must prioritize. There is NO question about it! Once I started to get my mind right and prioritize, things started to come to the light. Things started changing mentally, emotionally, and physically. I am at peace now! I feel renewed! I feel like I can take on the whole damn world & all the negative people! I am NO longer feeling like a wavering flower in the wind, I AM A TREE PLANTED~ I STAND TALL, STRONG, AND SO PROUD!

So at the end of it all~ prioritize, prioritize, and prioritize!! Take a few minutes in the morning or evening and just prioritize your goals for the day! Make time for you and your health! You are worth it! Besides, if you don’t take care of your body, where will YOU live and dwell!!

Sometimes YOU have to get mad to get MOVING!!!         

About a month ago I was reading the August issue of Oxygen. I was reading an editorial by Robert Kennedy. In this particular editorial, he was discussing self esteem and motivation. I read the whole article, but 1 thing stood out.

“Get mad by looking at your naked mirror image and start telling yourself “this won’t do!” Robert Kennedy.  Well, today-I got mad, really mad!! Today has personally been very trying.

I am currently in the process of looking for another job and getting back into school. I went to the unemployment office -only to be told that they are not sure that I qualify for benefits. I went to talk to an advisor at school & not only do I have to take another placement test, but they had no record of my transcripts from NEIU!

The fact of the matter is that I don’t want to take another placement test for math! I hate math! I did NOT want to drive all the way up to NEIU to request my transcripts. I said, I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll just go tomorrow. I want to go to the gym. By this time, I had got back to my car and I was going into pity party mode. The whole, whoa is me mentality.

I sat there & put my cd on. I listened to a song and it got me going. I said, no more procrastinating. No more putting off for tomorrow, when I know good and damn well that I can do it today!

I finally made it to NEIU, requested my official transcripts, and got a copy of the unofficial transcripts for my own viewing. I IMMEDIATELY BECAME DISGUSTED. I got teary eyed; I started to beat myself up, because of what I did 10 years ago. I was ashamed and embarrassed of the ‘half ass’ job I did. I was merely going through the motions. My heart wasn’t in it. I walked back to my car and looked at the grades again, but this time, I didn’t cry. I GOT MAD! I GOT REALLY, REALLY MAD! I BECAME FIRED UP! 

I sat in my car and I said to myself, this is fuel for the fire. Let these ds & fs light a fire under your ass! Allow the past to ignite yourself with passion, determination, and perseverance. Do not allow this to break you, this is what has made you strong, this is exactly what you needed! Make these transcripts YOUR NAKED BODY IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR! GET MAD! BE PISSED OFF! BUT NOW MOVE FORWARD~ GET YOURSELF IN GEAR!!!!

I was so fired up by the time I got to the gym; I thought I was going to fly right off the elliptical rider! I had a good cardio work out! I was determined to have a good workout!

I have come to the conclusion that sometimes we need to get mad to truly move in the right direction. I had to get mad today! I had to be so disgusted that I cried. It’s okay to cry & it’s okay to be disgusted. The important thing is that you get up and get moving towards your goals & dreams! It’s not the problems or issues we come across-it’s how we deal with them and what we learn from the whole process!

So, my advice to you is to listen to Robert Kennedy! Go strip-mentally, physically, or emotionally, look at that mirror and get MAD! Then~ get moving!

Well, after the past few days I decided to relax this weekend and clear my mind. A girlfriend of mine asked me to hang out with her Saturday. I said, Well, might as well. There wasn’t to much going on at home. I immediately showered, got dressed, and left. She also forwarned me that her brothers friends were all hanging out~so, not knowing who was going to be there, I tried to primp and prep.

Well, I got to her brothers house and we hung out. No real eye candy. (lol) She suggested we go have a drink. I said, what the hell! I haven’t drank since Memorial day-I’m due for a drink. So, it was written-we were going for a drink.

We arrived at the lounge, town tap at about 11.30p. We waltzed in like we were pretty much running it. Sat down and mingled with a few of her other girlfriends. By this time, HotHeather was DRINKING! I downed my first drink pretty fast-it was good! Well, after that the next thing I remember was jumping off this stool and flexing. Yes, THAT’S RIGHT I WAS FLEXING AT THE CLUB!! The other girls we were with were in aww by some of the definition I had. It made me feel like a million bucks, because in my mind, I have sooooo far to go!

The girls wanted to feel my biceps! (lol) I showed my shoulders and my back! They loved it and asked me what I was doing. So, of course I shared it!

Anyways~considering that I was pretty tipsey, I had noooooo clue that there was a table of guys sitting behind us watching me flex and strut my hot ass around! I’m standing up, still flexing~and this guy taps my shoulder. I’m thinking, wtf! lol. So, I said, Hi. He whispered in my ear, my brother wants to feel your biceps. So, I said, who is YOUR brother. He pointed to this man!

Let me tell you, this man was a hottie!!! So, of course being the HBIC-I walk over, smile, and FLEX! LMAO. He was like, wow! you really do have some mucle. I said, yeah. I’m working on it. I’m not where I want to be just yet. Well, then I told him, well wait look at my back, I turned around and flexed as well and then I showed my shoulders! He was loving it! He even tried to stroke my ego and asked me what type of exercises I do and how he can be hot like me! lmao!

So, yet again I start running my mouth. Then I look at him and feel his upper body…ROCK HARD! HAHA! I mean, the man had thick strong arms, shoulders, back-the whole 9. Well, after that I sat down and him and I began talking. Totally hit it off and talked all night. I won’t go into the rest. hahaha…but it was a great night and just what I personally needed.

So, here is my advice for the day…FLEX, FLEX, FLEX! I don’t care where you are, who you are with, or what you are doing-flex! You never know who is watching and you never know who you might encourge or inspire. I look at myself and I say, I’m okay. Not to shabby, but after last night, the girls and the other guys watching made me feel like the sh*t! I spoke to his brother today and he said, Hey muscle women! Go to the gym today? lol. I LOVE IT! IT MOTIVATES ME AND IT MAKES ME MOVE MY ASS. I WANT TO LEAD BY EXAMPLE! So, when you guys go out or do anything, do not be ashamed or embarrassed…just do it! just flex whatever it is that you are working with!

This is a very personal, private, and heartfelt blog. I hope that everyone takes something from it. Also, any replies would be greatly appreciated.

Meet Me In The Mirror…..

Yesterday started off as any other day, the only difference is that I was more tired then normal-due to the holiday.

All day I sat at my desk-unhappy and bitter. I was unhappy because I was tired of going through the motions. I was tired of doing something that didn’t make me happy. I was tired of being unfulfilled. Yesterday afternoon seemed like the longest day to me. I sat there and was just disgusted-all day. Heather was truly tired, mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Before I left for the day, my boss called me into his office, asked me to shut the door and take a seat. My stomach instantly felt questy & my polker face quickly came into play. I was let go, fired, terminated-anyway I say it, it all means the same thing, I have no job-I am unemployed. Considering that I am the person that I am-I stood up and laughed sarcastically, strolled out of his office grabbed my stuff and walked out with my head held high, holding my tears and anger back. I reached my car and instantly cracked. I broke down crying! I cried tears of relief and tears of panic.

For these last few months I have been having a fight with myself internally. A very private fight.  I was fighting with Heather from 10 years ago and  Heather, the grown women that sits before this screen.

For years I have known what I wanted to do with myself professionally, but I have made excuses. Excuse after excuse-I have used every excuse in the book as to why I can’t do what I have always wanted to do. I am scared! I am scared of sucess. I am scared of failure. I am just scared. I am so scared of failing at anything, so in order to avoid it, I tend to sit back and not do anything. I go through the motions and become content with being okay, getting by. I settle in everything I do. I never push for the finish. I keep my hopes and dreams bottled up and I merely go through the motions of being okay.

A few months ago, a person came into my life and completely opened my eyes. This person lit a fire under my ass and in my heart. He made me step back and take a good look at myself and my life. He gave me food for thought, fuel for the fire. He made me revaluate my life and everything that I ever thought or believed was true. He made me revaluate my professional goals, fitness goals and personal goals. He truly opened my eyes to what my life could be like if I had the courge to pull my head out of my ass. I admire this person because he keeps going through the good, the bad, the in between b.s.-He keeps going despite how he feels-he keeps his focus on his goal-the light at the end of the tunnel. He doesn’t believe in being content or settling.

Yesterday, I had a meeting in the mirror with my current self and my younger self. I went back and forth…

you can’t do that, things don’t happen for you.

I can do anything I want, I’m the HBIC

The HBIC GOT CANNED!!!

I didn’t want to be there anyway, they actually did me a favor.

You live in a dream world. things do NOT happen for you. Can’t win for losing..Remember??Everything that you attempt,you fail, you get side tracked, discourged, you GIVE UP~everytime, like clock work. You give up, you chicken out. Always a strong start and a weak finish. You fail at everything you try to do in your life. Look at your track record.

That was then and this is now and things have changed. I have changed. I am not who I was 10 years ago or 5 years. I can’t fail at anything I do not try. I am smart, talented and attractive-I AM A TRIPLE THREAT! I can do anything I put my mind to! I can do anything that my heart is in. I know what I want now. I know what I need! I know now who I am. I AM NOT THAT PERSON ANYMORE! I’m  DONE with settling & being content. I want MORE! I WANT EVERYTHING! I’M DONE FIGHTING, I’M NOT GOING TO GO BACK AND FORTH ANYMORE. IT IS OFFICALLY A WRAP.

At that very moment in time, mentally and internally-I BROKE THE MIRROR. IT SHATTERED IN LITTLE PIECES!!!NO MORE! No more being content or settling for okay. No more being scared of failure! That part of me died last night! Thank God! No more living in the past holding onto pain.

I know what I want and yesterday getting fired was a HUGE  wake up call for me. I want to be a journalist! Writing these blogs make me feel so good & fulfilled. I have so much to say, so much to share and writing is how I do it. I need to write! When I am able to write and touch someone in some way, shape or form-it makes me feel high! I feel so good.

I would love to write for Oxygen, FitnessRX, Muscle Fitness for her, Allure, Essence~THAT’S MY DREAM. TO SEE MY WORDS & MY THOUGHTS, PUBLISHED IN A HUGE PUBLICATION.

The point of this whole blog is to stop fighting w/ yourself and everyone else. Stop cutting yourself short. If you want to have an booty that is rock solid, get up and do those squats! Do NOT allow people to tell you what you can’t do! Surround yourself with postive people that build you up & support you and your goals. Take a set back and run with it. Cry, bitch, moan-THEN PICK YOUR ASS BACK UP AND GET TO IT! I cried, I got angry, I argued with myself-BUT ITS A WRAP NOW. Now I need to get up and get myself into school.It’s not to late for me, I’m not to old- I’m not going to worry about how the hell I’m going to pay for it, I will figure that out when I get to that bridge.

Whatever it is that you hope, dream, desire-DO IT! Life is so precious and so, so short! Do NOT sit around and waste time going through the motions! Get up and go get it. I have waited forever for it to come to my house and ring my bell..It never did. It took me getting fired, not once, not twice, but 3 times to realize where I need to be, what I need to do.

I had to gain 15lbs, come to bodyspace, start blogging, and get fired for the 3rd time to realize what it is that I love & enjoy!  I had to go through all of these things to get to right where I am this very moment. I am happy right now. I’m writing! I have become obessed with eatting healthy, spinning, lifting, and being better then good physically. Now, I need to take this attitude and apply it in other aspects.

On that note~Thank you for listening and I hope that everyone that reads this gets something from it. Please don’t sit around and let life pass you by. I have wasted 10 years, I do NOT want to waste anymore time. Go out and get what you want and desire! Do NOT let haters, nay sayers or anyone else tell you that you can’t. My suggestion to you is this,

Have a meeting in the mirror with yourself…and if you are happy, truly, truly happy with where you are, how you look, how you feel-then that’s wonderful. If you are not-THEN CHANGE IT! SHATTER THAT MIRROR, PICK YOURSELF UP AND GO GET ‘EM. THE ONLY THING THAT CAN STOP YOU, IS YOU!

Well, yesterday for the first time I took a class. I personally like to do everything solo-just me and my ipod. Well, I took a spinning class and totally loved it. Granted my ass is sore as hell today, but you know what I am so psyced and soooo looking forward to the class tomorrow evening.

 I figured it would be good, might help me break my plateau…and it will keep things interesting. I will be taking the class Tues & Saturdays. Just to break things up.

The funny thing is that I was sooo scared that I couldn’t keep up w/ everyone, but I DID!  I was psyced and soooo in a zone! I absolutely loved the class and the instructor!!! Awesome!