Hotheather 
"I wanna knock 30 on it's ass in January! I want to look better at 30, then I did at 26! I want to surpass where I was before!"
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Archive for June, 2007
Tuesday, June 26th, 2007
Every since this past weekend, I have been in deep thought. Writing about how I was feeling has made me actually step back and look at things, generally speaking.
A few months ago, my goal was just to fit back into everything that I couldn’t fit anymore. My goals have changed drastically since then…but I haven’t really put them into perspective.
So, I was thinking today about myself and where I physically want to be-and what I want. I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t just want to ‘fit’ back into everything…it goes so much deeper then that. You know.
I want to be healthy all the way around the board and that includes…being a non smoker. The thought scares the hell outta me. Virgina and I are like the best of friends. lol. geez.
Seriously though, I no longer look at 2 weeks from now or whatever, I’m worried about today, right now, this minute. What can I do today to reach my goal..drip some more water, go for a walk, eat an apple instead of an apple fritter. lol. It’s things like that, that really count. I’ve learned that I can’t worry about Saturday on Tuesday. I need to worry about Tuesday and make sure that its all going well and w/ ease. Thats what I am learning and frankly, I think I do better that way.
I also think that by encourging other people, it uplifts you-or me in this case. Being on here and talking to other people w/ the same mentality helps ALOT. I talk to so many funny, down to earth, people. It has helped tremendously.
Anyhow, I am personally reaccessing my goals right now…this is just food for thought…you might want to reacess yours..as the times change, so should you. train a little harder, eat a little better, try a new dish, get more rest~I don’t know…but sometimes change is good…
Train hard
Stay focused & motivated
Be encourged
Posted in Other
Sunday, June 24th, 2007
I can remember many times as a kid pouting and just being pitiful so my parents would give into some crazy idea or to not ground me, or whatever the case would be-but my mother always said the same damn thing, "Heather-you are having a pity party and no one is going to show up, but you." That use to make me so mad, so as any kid or teenager I would roll my eyes and mumble under my breath. As an adult-I see the truth behind that statement that my mother has made for the past 20 so years.
The fact of the matter is this, I Heather have had a pity party all weekend long. Guess what? NO ONE CAME~IT WAS MY OWN PRIVATE & PERSONAL PITY PARTY. Yeah, that’s right. As I sit here, in front of this screen-I am searching for the right words to say and it’s so hard. It really is. I hope that the things that I share w/ everyone hits a cord. I hope that I can say things that people are feeling, but scared or ashamed to say.
As most of you all know, I have been stuck at a plateau. So, I came to a realization that I can change it…but I need to know why I am truly stuck there. Is it mental, physical-what. What is my deal? I can tell you in capital letters: I AM AN EMOTIONAL EATER. Actually typing it and seeing it stare me right in my face makes me want to cry. Geez. Well, yeah. That’s my deal. I am an emotional eater. Why??
Some people steal, shop, do drugs, drink, etc-but me…i eat, eat, and eat. Does it make me a bad person-no, I’m only human. Does it make me mad that, that is my vice-sometimes~ yes, but I don’t know whats worse, eatting out of emotion or lack there of….or being an alcholic or a theif.
The fact of the matter is this, I had a pity party this weekend and it involved me & the kitchen. I can not begin to tell you how many times I ran back and forth to the kitchen, nibbling this, nibbling that….just stuffing my face. The day started off well. I ate egg whites and oatmeal. Then it just went downhill after breakfast!! I ate and ate and ate. I found a bag of chex mix and before I knew it-I went through the whole bag and I just was disgusted…of course I was watching tv while doing it, but I still did it. I was eatting mindlessly. I wasn’t hungry-I know that much. People say, just dont do it. Don’t eat it. If it were that simple do you think there would be any overweight people in the world…HELL NO. I do believe that most people that are overweight are emotional eatters. I think I personally eat of loneliness, saddness, aggravation, and anger.
So what pushed me this weekend…all of the above. Sometimes there are so many things going on in my mind and I allow them to get the best of me. I allow them to bother me. I allow the little voice in my head to say, who cares..just eat it. and I do. I try to think of other things to do, instead of nibble and eat-but I never follow through. Besides the fact that I ate all weekend long, I slept the other half. TERRIBLE! If I wasn’t nibbling on something, I was sleeping. I went to the gym on Saturday and had a good workout, but it was almost counter productive-if you know what I mean.
I believe in my heart, this extra weight that I am carrying is emotional baggage. I really do. The more I think about things, the more angry or depressed I get. The whole, why me…why do I have to deal w/ this or that. Maybe that’s why I am stuck here, at my #, because until I let go of all the things that hurt, anger, or depress me-I will be here. Granted, we all deal w/ some sort of b.s. day to day, but I am talking about situations that mold you into the person that you are, issues that you have not confronted or truly dealt with. I think alot of people have them. I know I do. For the most part, I am an upbeat & bubbly young lady. I smile alot more so then alot I know. But, behind my smile there is alot of anger, bitterness, saddness, hurt, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t have a bad life as a child-I was actually the center of everyone’s world. I don’t think things emotionally got out of hand for me until I hit my 20’s. I just need to figure out where did things go wrong and how in the hell did I end up in the emotional state that I am in. I can hold it all together & put on my game face, but every so often I lose it. I just get mad and angry at the world.
This whole emotional eatting thing dawned on me this morning. My mom says to me- I LOST ANOTHER 6LBS!! I hate to say this, but if looks couldve killed, she would’ve been a goner! I just said, um-good for you. Then she says, I know why you can’t lose those last few lbs you want to. So, I reply, Why oh great one? So, of course she says it, " BECAUSE YOU HAD A PITY PARTY LAST NIGHT AND NO ONE CAME BUT YOU. I SAW ALL THE DISHES AND STUFF IN THE KITCHEN." I replied back with my usual, "Yeah okay." She continues on to say, you eat out of boredum Heather. You don’t eat because your hungry. I know when you are feeling good and things are well, because you are very conscience of everything you eat-but when you get into a mood-there you go..having a pity party w/ snacks, deserts, and whatever else you can get your hands on. By the time she said that, I was pissed. I knew it was the truth, but I was pissed and ashamed that she actually knew. Needless to say, I haven’t said to much to her or anyone else today for that matter. I have been in my own little world, nibbling.
I guess the reason that I am even writing this is because, I want people to know-they are not alone! Don’t be fooled by a pretty face or a bubbly person. Everyone has their issues, everyone has their vices. You are not alone if you are an emotional eatter. It’s okay and you shouldn’t be ashamed about it. I think the first thing is that you have to realize it…hence, MY NAME IS HEATHER AND I AM AN EMOTIONAL EATTER. Then you take it one day at a time from there and deal with it and try to change it the best way that you can. Just try not to exchange 1 bad habit for another. Eg: I use to eat out of anger and boredum-NOW, I JUST USE RETAIL THERAPY AND I’M BROKE. Geez…don’t do that. I have been there to. lol. I think for me, I have a compulsive personality.
Well, thats all for the night.
Good night!!
xoxoxo
Posted in Other
Friday, June 22nd, 2007
“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can,” the great words of the little engine that could…
I remember hearing this story as a child! I remember the little engine saying, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…So, what does that have to do with anything? Okay, well listen up-I will tell you.
I have come to the realization that 150lbs is my comfortzone. I am pretty comfortable at this weight and size. Is it where I want to be? No, I want to be better! I want to look more fit! But..I feel comfortable here. I feel safe, not really ‘fat’-but not exactly amazing either. If you know what I mean. It really doesn’t take to much for me to maintain this-I can eat okay and exercise a few days a week and remain right here~IN THE COMFORT ZONE~
I know now that in my mind, once I hit 150lbs, I feel like-Okay, I’m safe. I’m fine. I think I set myself up for failure almost, because once I get here-I start to tell myself, you can’t get below this weight, size, etc…because your body is comfortable here. No matter what you do, you will remain at this very point-forever. I tell myself that and I believe it and I think I have been telling myself that since the begining of time. I settle for being okay or being content..I don’t think I really strive for perfection or being the best that I can be. I like to stay where it is safe.
Do you know what I mean?? Hell, I think I do this in all aspects of my life. I know what I would really love to do..but I’m to scared to get up and do it. Scared of failure! So, instead of setting myself up for failure-I remain in the comfort zone…where its warm, cozy, and just plain ol safe. I continue to tell myself that, I can’t do this, I can’t do that…or that it will never happen. I will never be where I want to believe. It happens for everyone else, but not for me. Those are the things that constantly bombard my mind-all of the time.
So, back to the little engine that could. I was sitting at my desk, thinking about some things after a conversation that I had w/ someone. I just blurted out, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can”…my co-worker looked over and said, you think you can what..
I just looked and said, oh..nothing..thinking out loud. It dawned on me.I have to be like the little engine that could! I have to tell myself everyday, I think I can, I think I can-and I CAN DO IT! I CAN STRIVE TO BE BETTER-IN ALL ASPECTS. I CAN DO IT, IF I WANT IT. IF I REMAIN FOCUSED-I CAN DO IT. OBSTACLES WILL COME, BUT IT’S UP TO ME TO GET PAST THEM. I HAVE TO MAKE UP MY MIND THAT I WANT MORE. I HAVE TO STEP OUT OF THE BOX AND WORK. IT’S NOT GOING TO COME OVER NIGHT AND IT’S NOT GOING TO JUST KNOCK ON MY DOOR, SO TO SPEAK. I LITERALLY HAVE TO RUN AND CHASE IT, SAYING, ‘I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN,” THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH.
So, what I want to leave you with is this…Be like the little engine that could…start telling yourself-I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, and you WILL be able to do it.
Realize where you are today, right this moment…are you happy, content, safe..etc? Now, make up your mind-where do you want to be…what do you want to accomplish….where are you strong..where are you weak. Revaluate everything that is going on..are you settling, are you content-are you just mentally and physically stuck..Are you where you want to be, if not-what are you doing about it.
So, that’s my soap-box speech for Friday. lol. I am going to revaluate my goals and keep telling myself,
I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN…
DO YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN??
Posted in Other
Tuesday, June 19th, 2007
Good morning all. Welcome to the wonderful world of plateaus…That is where I currently am. I have been 150lbs since June 3rd. I have not been able to get past this mark…and it seems like this is always where I lose it. I want it to drop…even a half lb…but something. I’m getting aggravated. It just freaking sucks!!!
I think my body is comfy here. Hell, I am to-but I am striving for more..to be a little better. I admit the past few days, my food has been somewhat off the meter..especially father’s day…and today..i had a bag of raisinets….but I have been exercising pretty hard and faithfully. I am just aggravated. Inchs are coming off and I am constantly getting compliments…but in my mind..my twisted little demented mind, I NEED TO SEE THE SCALE CHANGE TO 149LBS,
THAT’S RIGHT SISTER! 149LBS.! I don’t need a miracle, let alone expect one..I just need something to push me and that one lb would put me over the top. I really do. I need to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Right now, things are dark and bleak. It’s truly terrible!!! That’s all I need..but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t say, 150lbs. WTF!
This is really just me venting. I mean, I admit, I took some pictures the other day and i was pretty pleased w/ how I looked. I kinda had to giggle and say, dammmmn heather! lol. but man…what is up w/ this plateau. What on God’s green earth do I need to do…I read so much info..that at times I think my mind is like on auto pilot. Its ridiculous!
I feel for anyone who is stuck right now or who will be stuck, or who was previously stuck…I guess all I can do is be patient, continue to eat right (MINUS THE RAISINETS..LOL) and workout hard…
But today, I feel like I have the right to b*tch. It makes me feel better, just to be able to type PLATEAUS SUCK! THEY ABSOLUTELY SUCK!!!!
Okay-have a great day..and I hope that you all are in a better place then I am… 
Posted in Other
Wednesday, June 13th, 2007
The H.B.I.C. (THE HEAD B*TCH IN CHARGE)
You know, today has been a pretty funny day. I’m not sure how many of you know that I am freight broker. I work w/ all men. I am the only women in our office-hell, I have my own restroom! The boys are NOT allowed to use my potty for any reason! lol.
Well, we had this girl come in for an interview today and everyone was kinda like..uhoh..lol…and looked at me. I politely said-’what the hell r u guys looking at me for!” Well, someone blurts-another girl in the office..What do you think about that. I said absolutely nothing, because I am the H.B.I.C. HERE! So, everyone starts laughing. I wasn’t. I was serious!! Considering that this is really a man’s business and that i work w/ all men-I have to keep my game face on at all times. I do!
I think that at 1 point in my life, I wouldn’t have been able to say that I am the HBIC-just because of alot of things. I just feel so much stronger mentally and physically that i can say it w/ a straight face and mean every word of it.
I honestly could care less if another women comes and works here w/ me, because like I said-I AM …(SAY IT W/ ME…) THE HBIC.
So what the hell does this have to do w/ anything…I think its that I feel stronger physically and I just feel postive..almost unstopable! Feeling healthy goes a long way! It shines through in all aspects of our life.
Just thought i would share that tid-bit w/ you all
Posted in Other
Wednesday, June 13th, 2007
Okay, So-the question of the day is this…
Do blondes have more fun?
Well, as many of you all know-Saturday, I got my hair colored..and went pretty blonde…a very, very, very light brown w/ mega platnium highlights..my hair is definately more blonde then brown. At first, I wasn’t sure about the color. I liked it, but it was a bit much for me.
Well, I have to admit-the attention meter is at an all time high! Everywhere I go now, I get even more attention then I did before. I had a guy give me a double look this morning and that was followed by a big smile..lol.
Last night, i went to the gym, I was walking down the street, people were honking at me and everything! I just laughed and shuck my head..and kept going. I got in the gym, changed and came out, b4 I could make it to the treadmil, one of the guys yells clear across the gym, HEY PRINCESS HOW ARE YOU DOING?! LOL..So, Heather being the person she is, stoped-gave the Miss America wave and yelled back, HAAAAAAAAAAAY! That was truly priceless. Finally, I make it to the treadmill…and I’m not even on there 5 minutes before this man came by me, w/ a huuuuuge smile..and he kept pacing in front of me, smiling and looking..i kept running…i smiled though. lol..
By this time, I was training w/ Dee. Yesterday we did legs. Well, I’m on the leg extension machine and another guy comes by him. The guy was talking to Dee, but he was all in MY grill. I must admit, this one was a HOTTIE! (the others are cute to though…but this guy was HOT!LOL) Well, he kept lingering all around me until Dee introduced us. lol.
Finally, I wrap everything up and walk out, there were a group of guys on their bikes and they were looking at me and 1 asked me if I wanted to go for a ride..yet again…i shuck my head and said no-i’m good thanks, but i was smiling soooooooooooo hard! lol.
I don’t know what the hell is going on. i mean, people have been coming out of the woodwork..Is it the new haircolor, is it my attitude…or is it the fact that i think i’m looking pretty damn hot now and they pick up on it. I don’t know…but whatever it is-i love it and it motivates me and pushes me to be better. Each day, I want to do a little better then the previous…
So, I’m not sure if blondes really have more fun..but-HOT HEATHER IS HAVING A BLAST…AND IT’S ONLY JUNE!!!! LOL
TALK 2 U ALL SOON!!!!
XOXOX
Posted in Other
Tuesday, June 12th, 2007
A love hate relationship….
We all have relationships with people where 1 minute we love them to death and the next minute you just can’t stand them. People also fall into relationships with other people, because sometimes that other person just kinda started to ‘grow’ on you.
So..what the heck am I talking about..love hate relationships…Well, I personally had a love/ hate relationship w/ lunges. I hated them and they loved me. lol. I hated lunges and I could barely do them-and you could forget about using weights during lunges. I would constantly stumble. I could never keep my balance. Anyhow, my p.t. would make me do them almost everytime we trained legs and I would get..well, pissy-and he would make me do them anyways. “Suck it up and start doing them!!”, I did-but I wasn’t happy about it. lol.
So, I actually started to do them on days that I trained by myself. Believe it or not and gradually, I started to get better and eventually I stoped stumbling and was able to keep my balance. I began to actually like them and enjoy the burn.
Sunday, when I worked out w/ him, he made me do walking lunges. He was impressed by my form, because I pretty much have mastered the lunge and can do them w/ my eyes shut now. I enjoy doing them, because they grew on me. Unbelievable!
Now, I have another problem….CARDIO. I hate it, but it loves me and i know that I need to up my cardio big time. I admit, I half ass most of the time w/ cardio. I just hate to do it. somedays, I am pumped and can do it and do a great job. Other days, by 20 minutes-i say, it’s a wrap! Then I politely hop off and keep on going.
So that my new goal is to learn how to love cardio. I want to master my cardio, like I did the lunge.
So, I guess the point of this long winded blog is this:
What do you have a love/hate relationship with? Do you hate to train back, chests, legs, glutes, triceps or are you like me? Do you hate cardio, hate to run, hate to walk?
Just a thought.
Have a great day!!
Posted in Other
Friday, June 8th, 2007
Well-first TGIF & Happy Friday to everyone. Another week complete, work week that is. lol. Well, first, I’ll start off with my afternoon/evening yesterday.
Overall, my eatting was clean and healthy. I went to the gym and knocked out a 45 min. cardio session. I made it a point to stay focused and just work hard and I felt really good once I was done! (yaaay!)
Well, yesterday afternoon I recieved a text message that read:
Happy birthday to me! Party tomorrow night!!!!
Well, I’m sure you all know where this is going…right??
Well, being the person that I am I decided that I was going to go out tonight w/ the whole crew and party like a rockstar.
So, it was decided and put into play last night-I started thinking about what I was going to wear, going to get my nails done, the whole 9. I haven’t been out with these girls since…March. So, I feel like its been long overdue. lol.
Well, I went to the gym and had a kick ass workout. I was content. As I was running, kind of clearing my mind..I thought about tonight, and I asked myself-do I really want to go out?
So-I said, yeah, I would like to see everyone. Well, the harder i worked the more I thought, I don’t really need to go. If I go-I know the outcome, I am going to be totally toasted. I am not a big drinker and I do not drink all of the time, but when I do drink and party, I make up for every week that I didn’t!!
So, in other words, I already knew that my 2 drink max rule would go completely out the window once I start to dance and goof off! It would be completely done!!!
I have made alot of progress up until this point, I even had a 2 week fall off and I do mean, fall off! I am back and feeling really good. I feel focused and motivated. I believe that I have taken 5 steps forward this week, I do NOT want to go out tonight and take 10 steps back.
Its a cycle, seriously-
1. drink before you leave
2. drink while you are there
3. continue drinking w/ friends, taking shots, etc.
4. drink until you leave (because you know you are NOT driving)
5. get home
6. pass out
7. hang over the following day
8. Must have greasy breakfast to feel better
9. go back home
10. STAY IN BED ALL DAY AND BE COMPLETELY UNPRODUCTIVE.
THAT IS MY DRINKING/ PARTYING CYCLE-AS LONG AS I AM NOT DRIVING!
So, I have decided to sit this one out. I don’t want to lose any gains that I have already made! I just don’t think its worth it, so instead of rushing to the nail shop, then home-i’m going…TO THE GYM! LOL..and then home to rest, relax, and SLEEP…(I’M REALLY TIRED) and tomorrow morning-I will go back to the gym and be productive.
So, after all is said and done, the point that I am trying to make here is that we all have a choice. What will you choose to do? What is really important to you?
Have a great day and weekend…
Posted in Other
Thursday, June 7th, 2007
I wrote this blog about 2.5 weeks ago. I thought I lost it, but I just found it-so I’m posting it.
What’s with the title..I’m sure you ask yourself…Right? Well, the fact of the matter is this-people hate! Alot of people are haters…People that you see everyday, people that work w/ you…haters are everywhere..and the sadest thing is that alot of haters are family and friends..
Now…here is a perfect example: I went to the gym yesterday. I see this one lady there all of the time! This women is hot! I love to watch her run in front of me, because when she runs, you see the muscles in her back! Her butt..looks like a georgia peach! She is freaking awesome! I admire her and she secretly motivates me….cause I want an ass like that! Now, I was changing in the locker room..only to hear other women gossiping about her..saying oh she thinks shes all that..blah, blah, blah…HATERS! HATERS! HATERS!
This women didn’t wake up one morning and look that damn good..she has put in the time and dedication and if she wants to walk w/ her head held high-by all means-do it! You better believe I would to and I would double dare someone to say something out of line to me or about me!
I don’t understand..why are women in particular like that?! I’m not perfect, but…I am secure in myself-therefore, I don’t look at other women and assume that she is a snob or just stuck up because she is hot. I can hold my own! You know? I am secure in who I am, therefore, I can look at another women and sing her praises! I don’t have to sit back and talk about her! I complement her!
The thing I have noticed personally is that a few people that are close
to me…seem to be a bit jealous! They don’t say anything or ask anything..It just comes off a bit wierd to me..and the thing that is somewhat funny is that…I ENCOURGE THEM AND TRY TO TELL THEM EVERY SINGLE THING THAT I CAN TO HELP THEM MEET THEIR GOALS…but…that’s okay. I can’t worry about that. I can only worry about me..so, on that note..
Everyone..keep up the good work..stay away from the haterade..and don’t be afraid to compliment someone or tipp your hat to them…
Posted in Other
Thursday, June 7th, 2007
Good Morning all! Well, I woke up this morning in a fairly decent mood and realized that it was going to be about 92 degrees here. I thought, geez..what the hell am I going to wear.
So, I sat there for a second and grabbed a mini skirt. lol. Well, I haven’t wore this skirt in a looooong time. Seriously, a long time. Something just pulled at me and said, try it on. LOL. So, I did just that! It fits! I think the last time I wore this skirt I was about 23 or 24 and I’m 27 now. It’s my cute blue jean mini, w/ a split up the front and a SIZE 6!!! GUESS WHAT-I CAN BREATHE TO!! THAT’S RIGHT! So, I said, sh*t! yes! lol! I grabbed a haltertop and that pretty much what I’m wearing today!
I can not begin to describe how good I felt this morning! I feel good and I look good! I have to admit-I have made serious progress! I’m not where I want to be, but i am on the right path, that is for sure!
On my way to work I had to stop, fill up w/ gas and stop at Walgreens-I can NOT begin to tell you how many good mornings, winks, waves, and smiles I recieved. I was LOVING it! and the funny thing is-this outfit is NOTHING special, it’s just cute and comfy. I have my hair pulled back in a bun. I’m just kinda here…lol..but everyone was smiling and just acting like I was a hottie!
Okay, so the point of this long winded story is this:
Go home, find those sexy jeans, that freakum dress, whatever fits and looks good-whatever you can wear-today, and feel great in..find it, put it on, and hold your head up high. Appreciate where you are at this very moment…don’t worry about tomorrow(only workouts/healthy eatting). Enjoy today for a little while. This morning has just totally lifted me up and has me pumped to take my butt to the gym this evening!!! Seriously!! I feel really good.
Like i said, I’m not where I want to be, I know my b.f. % is not what I want it to be, but let me tell you something-I AM NOT CUTTING ANY CORNERS AND I KNOW THAT I CAN HOLD MY OWN. I LOOK GOOD TODAY, THIS VERY MOMENT AND I FEEL JUST AS GREAT AS I LOOK AND IN MY HEART I BELIEVE IT’S ONLY GOING TO GET BETTER! I JUST HAVE TO STAY MOTIVATED, DETERMINED, AND FOCUSED…CONSISTANT TO
Have a great day!! Remember, go home and find that hot outfit to wear! Wear it and feel good about it!!!!!
Posted in Other
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