…And then you get days like these.
On Friday I did my cardio in the morning, stumbled home and got a little work done while simultaneously farting around here.
Before I knew it, it was time for my grueling bi-weekly Chest and back day.
Prior to doing my thing (God, how I love those groovy 60’s expressions), I went over to the gym’s sink area to take off my shirt and spray Skulpt on my chest.
Then I rub AIFM estrogen inhibitor on my chest as well.
I spare no expense nor leave any stone unturned in my pursuit of physical perfection.
I was admiring myself in the mirror and feeling a little self-satisfied, and then something happened to me that never happen to me before in my life. I was feeling kind of (Just kind of) guilty that I was being such a peacock when there are other guys who are trying to look good but–to be brutally honest–will never look anywhere near the way I do.
I actually felt sorry for them.
The cold hard facts are that I put a lot, an awful lot more time, effort and intensity into what I do then they do. I do everything balls out, even when I drank, I did that with more intensity than anyone on the planet. I also know pretty much everything there is to know about sports nutrition and never, I mean NEVER go off point with my diet from Sunday through Friday afternoon. I don’t drink. Ever. Nor do I ever eat sugar or processed foods. I choke down handfuls of supplements. If those guys want to look like look me, then, by gum, let the pay the proverbial piper. Right?
Yet…Somehow, I felt badly for the poor, average gym guys and prematurely put my shirt on.
I never feel guilty over sh-t.
I’ve earned every f-cking thing I ever got in this life, from putting myself through college to landing my first Job in advertising by beating out 1,500 applicants in the Dancer Fitzgerald Sample talent search. My "Mother" kicked me out of the house when her boyfriend, who was four years older than me, said it was either me or him, and of course it was me. Before that I had a stepfather who used to beat the living sh-t out of me on a regular basis and call me "Little Jewboy" which was slightly better or slightly worse then the "Hey, @sshole" that my wonderful mother would call me. Hey mom, if you’re reading this (I don’t speak to her) Guess what? I turned out to be an @sshole after all.
{Sidebar: People say the same thing to me so often–because people are stupid sheep programmed to think and walk and talk alike, unlike yours truly–"Hey, you know, you only have one mother." (Thankfully), that I have a stock answer to that idiocy. I say "Yes, one mother, ten fingers, ten toes, one dick and two balls. What’s your f*cking point?" Or when some imbecile says "You can’t choose your mother." (Gee, I never thought about it that way) I reply "Yes, but I can choose the f-ck yours." I don’t suffer fools gladly. In fact, they are the ones who wind up doing the suffering. Better to let a sleeping (Jew) dog lie. Woof woof!}
Yes, nobody ever gave me God-damn f-cking sh-t in my life, if you exclude broken noses and concussions; and I wouldn’t have it any other way, either. I do not look at the world through rose-colored glasses, and yet enjoy each and every day to the max. Living well, is truly the best revenge. It’s a cliche because it’s true. F-ck the world, that’s my motto.
I never feel guilty. The world can come up to my opulent, palatial penthouse single file and kiss my well-muscled ever so black, Jewish ass.
Yet…There I was. Feeling guilty.
Me of all people.
Who’da thunk it?
Consequently, I put my tee shirt on and then put on my sweatshirt over that, as I like to generate maximum body heat while working out and began my slow, gunfighter-like gait down the stairs, when all of a sudden I hear, at least I think I hear, "Excuse me."
Annoyed, I pull off my blaringly loud headphones and look in the direction of the "Excuse me".
It is an excruciatingly handsome, 6′2"-ish 24 year oldish black guy.
"Do you compete?" He asked. He was really polite and well-spoken, unlike most of the vermin in my gym.
"Uh, well, No. But I am going to compete in the Wilhelmina hot body search. Do you compete I asked?" I knew the answer was no, because he’s a successful model, and if you saw him you’d probably recognize him. So he tells me the obvious:
"No, I model. But hey. The way you train. I mean, man, you train so hard."
"Yeah? You noticed?" I said, I just thought people thought I was a lunatic, which, of course, I am.
"Look" I said to him with a smile "You can’t compete against me in that contest, it’s for amateurs and you are a professional."
He smiled and held his hands up "Hell no, I wouldn’t want to compete against you. No way. Have a great work-out."
What. The. F-ck.
I’m used to working myself into a controlled rage before my work outs and here’s this guy coming over to me and flattering me in a way that I could not believe.
There is nothing anyone can say that could have been more complimentary.
Seriously. Especially coming from someone like him.
I didn’t know how to initially approach the Olympic bar to begin my work out. I was somewhat disoriented. I was flattered and someone was being nice to me. Isn’t that a kick in the pants. This coming right on the heels of me having my first guilty experience of my life.
I went through my workout running on positive energy.
A first.
It wasn’t the best work out of my life nor the worst, but it certainly was the strangest.
Sometimes you get days like these.
Weird.
October 11, 2009 at 9:00 pm
Someone was friendly to you and you liked it!! Sounds like it was a novel experience for you. Poor Herm. Did all the kids tease you on the playground too and take your lunch money? =P Also, I thought every mother called their kid @sshole…
October 11, 2009 at 9:15 pm
No, I was a feisty little bigger.
They tried, but eventually I learned that the old punch in the face works wonders. Still does, but you have all that nasty assault and battery and civil suit stuff to worry about.
Ahhh, I long for the good old days.
Funny story.
I told my wife I wanted to get this tee shirt and she replied: "Isn’t it obvious?"
http://www.zazzle.com/i_will_puch_you_in_the_face_tshirt-235533489831363135
Incidentally, you are looking fantastic these days, keep up the great work!
October 11, 2009 at 9:32 pm
Oh! I love the t-shirts, although I’m really more known for the "I could come over there and kick your ass". I’m actually pretty crap at giving an ass kicking, but I just like to say it anyway. I give a much better pissed off look than anything else to be honest.
Thanks for the comment too. I’ve moved into the wild outdoors i.e. my neighbourhood of old geriatric senile gramps and grannies, or young working people with screaming babies and terrorist kids. Running around the neighbourhood and run up and down stairs. I’m definitely not transforming as fast as some of the beautiful people (including yourself off course!), but I’m just being consistent and logging onto BB and reading random crazy blogs like yours to do with chicks and dicks and trying to figure out what it has to do with my training…. =P
October 11, 2009 at 9:56 pm
That was really nice of him. Sounds like a stand up guy. What the hell is "Skulpt"?
October 11, 2009 at 9:59 pm
you got a compliMANt!!! …nice
October 11, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Skulpt, I swear by this stuff:
http://www.tritonnutrition.com/0480005.html
Mr. Pectorals, you of all people should know about this stuff (exert):
The use of Skulpt applied to the lower pectoral region can deliver estrogen suppressing ingredients directly to the breast glands and surrounding estrogen sensitive fatty tissue. The result is a substantial increase in the leanness of the area, and a very noticeable improvement in the definition of the lower and outer pectorals.
October 12, 2009 at 4:29 am
I love reading your "slice of life" blogs. I can really appreciate what a total psycho you are when I get to "hear" your internal dialogue.
God bless your wife. She’s my hero.
October 12, 2009 at 10:22 am
LOL. You sure picked something odd to feel guilty about!
Do you know why I like the gym so much? Mirrors. Lots and lots of mirrors. Everywhere I look there I am, handsome beautiful me! I was beginning to feel a sort of kinship with you but then you go off feeling guilty? Tsk, tsk. Welp, atleast we’ve got the mother thing in common… I just got thrown out of her house 2 months ago! I was just visiting but she didn’t like my honest, pragmatic, and loud response to her behavior… eh, we never had a great relationship anyway…
Every since your beast blog I have gone out of my way to get mad before I hit the weights. It really does help!
October 12, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Whoa!
Hold the phone there, cowboy.
I’m sure Hitler had moments where he was nice, but he surely is not a nice guy.
Hey, I had a momentary lapse.
Last lapse I had was ten years, two months and three days ago ago when I looked at a hot woman out of the corner of my eye on the beach who wasn’t my wife for two tenths of a second. Maybe three tenths of a second.
These days, I have been training so hard I have been a little out of sorts lately. I’m a little loopy.
Anger is good if you use it productively.
There is nothing wrong with anger. God, in his infinite wisdom, gave us the capacity to be angry.
Anyone who has a problem with anger can take it up with God. The irony of it is a lot of people get angry that people get angry. Go figure.
You know what I think of people in general.
Anger used productively is your friend.
P.S. After I hit the weights I’m totally tapped out of all anger (Darnit!). I am a cross between the Dali Lama, Jesus and a neutered brine shrimp.
October 12, 2009 at 12:24 pm
So if I use Skulpt, there is no chance of getting bitch tits right?
October 12, 2009 at 12:29 pm
There is always a chance for everything in this life.
But if you use the man boob kit, your chances of getting bitch tit are reduced.
Man boob kit:
http://www.theafstore.com/product.php?productid=6&cat=0&bestseller=Y
If someone gets bitch tit from jiucing, I’ve read that the only way to get rid of
it is with an operation. Short of that, this is excellent for reducing excess
pectoral fat.
As I said, I swear by this stuff (Note: this is obviously not for women).
October 12, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Dear Lord, Herm.
Where in the world do you find these products? The seem on the one hand and a little sketchy and on the other a little dodgy. But all in all, I wouldn’t trust them. But if they truly do work for you, then why not?
I will say this, I have anger issues and I’m always convinced that it’s my fault that I’m angry. I get mad at my coworkers and I just stew in my juices getting more and more angry at them all day. But get this. One of them will just come over and be nice to me or tell me a joke and I’m like the little "awkward" girl who the jock asked to dance. All giggly and $h!t. (Please excuse the really gay reference). At any rate, can you believe how easily we somehow can get defused. The thing is, I don’t embrace my anger, I wallow and eventually get depressed. Then my workouts really suck.
I’m going to look for that Beast Blog. I’m curious about your technique.
Toots! (and farts).
ViCh
October 12, 2009 at 3:32 pm
*giggles*
October 12, 2009 at 8:31 pm
Herm you are hilarious!
October 12, 2009 at 10:10 pm
That sounds scary. I think I’ll stick with fatty pecs.
October 14, 2009 at 12:54 pm
A side note: Hermicus writes for the romance rags on the side as can be noted from his breezy prose…"It is an excruciatingly handsome, 6?2"-ish 24 year oldish black guy."
I also love how the famous model dude who gave you mad props was exactly HALF your age.
You might be slipping in your old age on the nice guy stuff Herm.
October 15, 2009 at 10:05 am
No, it just caught me off guard.
It’s like when you play Simon says.
You’re consciously trying to ONLY do what Simon says. I.E. Simon says do this, Simon says do that, ecetera, and they unexpectedly throw in a "do this" without the "Simon says" and you do it because it catches you off gaurd.
Hmmm, I think that analogy wasn’t half bad.
October 15, 2009 at 10:15 am
That analogy does make sense. Have an awesome day, Herm.
November 11, 2009 at 9:06 pm
In fact ,you needn’t admire them.As long as you wear the best beautiful Christian Louboutin Shoes,you will be the most beautiful woman.On the contrary ,a lot of women will admire you