My journal

Ok lately I have just gotten out of the VA where I held an IT job in the gym. My workouts were just 10 sets of 10.

Now I don’t work there and am finding new ways of inventing a new me Army style so that I can be there and be ready…at least as far as playing with my son, who’s 1 by the way and loves his daddy so much he pushes daddy’s weight bar around in between sets! Love you Austin Gauge! So… now the work is more intense yet simpler! Ok BP’d 125 10 sets of 20 slowly. I did 114 slow pushups pivoting into each side to stretch and expand. Now doing over the head extended arm lateral raises 25 lb. handlegrip plates for 100 reps. eventually doing 200 reps. My 1st set was 25 reps and it was a great stretch. My 2nd set was a good stretch set of 25 reps as well, the last two sets are gonna be hell but then again so was Afghanistan so here goes…out.

I felt better today after writing my last post. it was a personal revelation and one of those things I would like to change. We formed up today into the platoons we are going to be in for what will be my third tour overseas and I feel relaxed. No more wondering about who I will be working with because I know. I am able to settle in and train harder now. I did 50 diamond pushups in a sitting and the stretch felt so good! I am doing much better! Last month I hit 24 before needing to pause for a break. Life is looking up and it feels good. Can’t wait to see a certain new flick!

The body is the secondary machine following the mind. When I falter I damn myself for the failure that has occurred and punish harder by not feeding the machine. I push harder instead and give it water and crackers thinking that in some of the places past visited it gets worse, and the food isn’t as readily available because I will once again be back out hunting. Then I twist and distort every flaw until I’m not worth shit. I’ll prove I am worth something once again however, through merciless sets and reps. I will feel guilty consuming food until I have "earned my keep". It’s there upstairs in the wiring…this thought process in my brain housing group. Regardless of the bombings witnessed and pain endured it seems that the freedoms of satiation and relaxation will not be granted unless the "pushup pentinence" is paid.

I realized today that I really need to start doing alot of other things in my workouts to grow in other areas that keep getting overlooked. I think that its time to start getting leaner too. I’m going to have to start with two a days. It’ll buff out.

I can’t describe the feeling inside when I realize I don’t belong. It seems that circumstance and stress can play a crucial part in rewriting how it’s gonna be. I walked myself sore covering over 50 miles in the last 4 days trying to figure and iron things out with who I am and the identity I choose to hold onto. One part of me sees merely damaged goods in the mirror while the other sees just another person going through just another jungian journey through life. Like a close friend said "It depends which end of the barrel you choose to look through." My successes in this path of personal self enrichment is through all of you as you motivate me to want to be a better man. Here’s to a hot bath.

It’s simply not in me to quit. I haven’t given up on myself yet and fight to stay motivated. "One foot in front of the other" I tell myself. Its nothing but temporary pain that lets me know which body part is moving. I walk so far out and still know I have to come home. Keep walking you! Gotta go get it done.

I have been hiking alot lately. I feel better when I am finished and my head feels clear. I covered 16 miles on Sat. and on Sun and Mon I covered 8 miles apiece. I have had alot on my mind lately. 

Fatigue in fitness is my defining point and tells me what is wrong and what needs to be changed or updated. My mind and body are my sustaining factors in the modern age of high threat and mission accomplishment. I choose to live and move on to a higher purpose and a different theatre. Nobody but myself and God ensure the outcome of how far I can push the envelopes in which I exist to tell the tale of how I have made it out alive. As George Orwell has once stated; Men sleep peacefully in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf. A strong mind generates a strong body. To be built for war faring and security I must not lose focus and vow to remain disciplined in what I must do to press on.