The Best is Yet to Come

well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you’re free
look into your heart and you’ll find love love love
listen to the music of the moment, maybe sing with me
i love peaceful melody
it’s your godforsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

I’ve finally worked it all out - I think, anyway. I’m accepting that I just completely adore the same man who drives me crazy. I happen to be a big believer in cosmic signs, and boy, have the cosmos spoken - quite loudly and very clearly. Either way, I’m happy for the moment and that’s really all any of us can ask for.

My progress has sucked lately because life has gotten a bit in the way of my very well laid plans, so with the man I adore out of town for the next week it is with renewed determination that I get my ass in the gym and stick to a very healthy meal plan. Best time to get it all on the right track is when there are minimal distractions, so now is perfect.

Skipped leg day yesterday but got in some very fun cardio in the evening - but I’m not sure if that actually counts.

So, tonight will be squats, presses, curls, extensions and, UGH, at the request of my doc, I’m adding in the abductor and adductor machines. Then it’s ab time.

Added the whey protein back in, too. It’s a good day.

And under every star (I’m finding Heaven)
In every breath of air (I’m finding Heaven)
In everything I have (I’m finding Heaven)
In everything I am…oh

The world is big, the world is bad
But I will find the beauty - I see a vision in my head
I am looking for it
Oh I am looking for it
Oh I am looking for myself
I am looking for it - I am looking for it now
I am looking for it
Oh I am looking for it now
Oh I am looking for myself

I’m enjoying life. Just a simple change in perspective was all it took, who knew? When I stopped fretting over a few items in my life, I became much happier and instead of looking for the conflict with a particular person, I’ve chosen to embrace the joy that he brings instead.

I took a walk outside and just soaked up the beauty of the blue sky, the shining sun and the simple fact that I was out in it and just being.

Tonight I shall enjoy going for a run and inhaling the smell of Fall.

…..and I’ve been guessing and I could have been guessing wrong.
You don’t know me now, I kinda thought that you should some how.
Does that whole mad season got you down?

I need you now, do you think you can cope?
You figured me out that I’m lost and I’m hopeless.
I’m bleeding and broken, though I’ve never spoken;
I come undone.. in this mad season.

The changing seasons always get me, and the transition from summer to fall is one of my favorites. There’s nothing better than a brisk fall day where the sun is shining bright and the leaves are starting to fall as the days get shorter and the nights longer heading toward Winter. Makes me want to make a pot of chili and sip hot apple cider. Mmmmm….good stuff.

Maybe it’s because Fall brings with it holidays spent with family and warm fuzzy feelings of happiness and comfort. Halloween spent with friends all dressed up like hoochies and having fun, spending trick-or-treat day handing out candy with my sister bundled up on the front porch sipping coffee while my brother-in-law takes the girlies out for candy - and they always come back early!

Then you have Thanksgiving and all of its yummy goodness and a four day weekend spent with my family back home in Wisconsin - it’s good for the soul to get in a long relaxing weekend before the holiday hustle and bustle that Christmas brings with it.

Along with the changing season, I find that I’m becoming somewhat indifferent when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, and one man in particular. Don’t get me wrong, I adore him madly, but am beginning to just not really give a rat’s ass over whether he calls or not - I have better things to do with my time than fret over a silly man. And yes, I do feel a bit stupid for agonizing so much over things I have no control over. So I simply decided not to, and it’s made a world of difference in my mood.

So while I’m not exactly bleeding and broken - but that depends on the day and what immovable object I’ve run into - I have come somewhat undone, but in a very good way.

Add to that, my best GF is coming down this weekend to spend it with me, so I’m sure hilarity and shenanigans will be bountiful, indeed.

Diet’s going very well today, and I had a great workout last night. Looking forward to a great cardio session this evening, as well.

What do you say to jumping off the edge
Never knowing if there’s solid ground below or a hand to hold
Or hell to pay
What do you say???

Today is a very good one, indeed. I’m making peace with some of the chances I’ve taken and the choices I’ve made and realizing that the uncertainty isn’t necessarily always bad. It’s a lesson in faith and trust and learning to silence those little voices of doubt and self-sabotage.

I’m choosing to move forward and leave the negative behind, realizing that I can only accept what is and while I may choose actions that influence the outcome of events, I cannot force the outcome.

Accepting what I can’t change and choosing to pursue the uncertain path holds both great reward and some heavy emotional risk - but I’ve decided that I may as well make the leap. The ride is always interesting and the prize is, wow, well, I can’t even begin to describe how sweet it is. Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all……..a good quote, I’m choosing to love myself first, though, and I believe that is what makes all the difference this time around the merry-go-round.

Had a great appointment with my chiro this morning - and both he and his wife noted that I’m looking better than they’ve seen me since I started going to him and that they both, separately, noted that I appear a bit slimmer. He’s told me no squats for a while and wants me to focus on building "my foundation" with cardio in my target heart range - BORING - and by focusing on my form in my other exercises, along with decreasing the weight and increasing reps. Worst part, he wants me to use the gyno machines - I hate those damn things, but he told me to work my adductors and abductors, so I’ll give it a shot.

Diet’s been pretty decent, but as usual, I can still do better. My next week will be focused on going to bed at a decent hour and getting up early to prepare my meals for the day as well as a morning cardio workout. I find that when I plan my meals ahead of time it’s so much easier to stick to it.

It’s a good weekend, and I’m very much enjoying spending the time with myself after my crazy Labor Day weekend surrounded by close friends and family. I did; however, get to see my mom and her fiance for a short while today as they were in Chicago for an hour or so before heading out to Denver.

Inside out…round and round…..

UGH!!!!!!! Love Rollercoaster would also be appropriate.

I don’t deal well with not knowing how the story ends. Life’s ambiguity has always been a major mental sticking point for me - to the point that I tend to read the last page of a book before the first just to make sure it has a happy ending before I invest my time in reading it. Hell, it’s my escape, I’d like it to at least end well. It’s the same with movies, if I know it has an unhappy ending I tend to avoid it.

Which brings me around to relationships…….all of them. With my family, my friends and the man I adore, the man who adores me, as well as the one that I just really enjoy chatting with.

I’ve taken time recently to examine the changing view of each of these bonds and for the most part the evolution of relationships has been positive except for one. That is the one that is like a thorn in my side, my Achilles heel and a pain in the ass. I find myself questioning if the happiness is worth the hurt and examining my own limits as to what boundaries I’d like to define with a partner………I’ll let you know if I ever figure that one out.

In the meantime, it’s been a great week for cardio and after I regained the weight I lost from being so miserably sick, I did actually drop a couple pounds. Yay me. Eating cleaner and eliminating dairy has been difficult but I can notice a big difference in how I feel physically.

As for how I feel mentally? Ha! That’s another story altogether……I’m chalking it up to hormones and the change of season.

..if there’s one thing in my life that’s missing
it’s the time that I spend alone
sailing on the cool and bright clear water….

Since I moved down here I rarely spend time on the lakes anymore, and I forgot how much I miss it. Going up to Wisconsin for the holiday weekend was a good choice, it also allowed me to reconnect with my family and friends that I haven’t seen in person for a couple months and it really did me a lot of good to see them.

We went out on Lake Michigan and caught the 3 Days Grace and Foo Fighters concerts which were part of the Harley 105th from the water.

Tonight is squats in the gym, woohoo! Since I got so sick during the last two weeks I only managed to get in a squat workout before heading to the doc. I’m very much looking forward to getting my first full week of workouts in since my doc restricted me from my regular workout routine.

Adjusted the diet - very minimal dairy, wheat, sugar and corn. Focusing mainly on meat and veggies. Still playing around with calories/day - aiming for around 1,400 right now since it seems to bring results.

Woohoo!!!!!!!!!! I’m finally feeling back to normal again, and actually slathered some makeup on so I no longer am walking around my office looking like the walking dead! Yippee!!!!!!!

It’s a sad thing that I came into work yesterday around noon and no sooner than I’d walked in the door had THREE coworkers come up to me and told me that I look like crap and I should go home…I JUST GOT THERE!!!!!

Anyway, going back to the gym tonight….I think I’ll just aim for some moderate cardio so as not to overdo things. Eating very clean as my digestive system is still out of whack, but getting much better daily.

Oh, Happy Hump Day!

So my squat workout was great and everything was going super well until Wednesday night which was supposed to be bench night. My arm was bugging me along with my stomach. Well, yesterday was much worse with terrible abdominal pain that eventually caused me to go in to see my doc.

Thankfully it turned out to just be a random virus, but I’ve now lost 4 pounds from living on Gatorade for two days and am weak and lightheaded. Needless to say, my training has SUCKED this week. Ugh. Just when everything starts going right…….

Dammit. My legs and glutes are sore, in a GOOD way, with DOMS from Monday’s workout.

My right arm; however, is quite a different story. I’m wondering if I aggravated the pulled muscle when I did my squats. All I know is it hurts like a bitch right now and I’ve got chest/arms to do tonight. Ugh.

Diet going very well today - went to Giordano’s to pick up pizza for lunch for my boss and resisted the temptation. I’ll be warming up my lean ground chuck burger for lunch. Had oatmeal for breakfast - I know I need to eat more, but I’ve been so busy that I keep forgetting to eat. On the other hand, I’m not having any hunger pangs, so it can’t be that bad.

…yippee!!!!!!!! I’ve got some mild DOMS in my glutes, quads and hams….and some soreness across my back from the squat bar. And it’s SUCH a good pain!

Tomorrow is bench day, which I’m NOT looking forward to….well, I look forward to working my arms, but really hate chest work. I’ll be doing my bench with DB’s because my doc wants me to work each side equally, but that works fine for me - I won’t complain, since I dislike working chest regardless of how I’m doing it.

Diet’s been pretty decent today, I’ve done an excellent job of avoiding any sugar - including in my morning coffee. That sucks.

All in all, I’m feeling very positive now that I’m back in the gym again!

Cardio tonight…woohoo! I think I may go for a run.