The Best is Yet to Come

the more I want you
somehow this feeling
just grows and grows
with every sigh, I,
become more mad about you
and so it goes…….

I’m a very happy girl lately, and it has a lot to do with Mr. Man being back in town and spending more time together. I’m such a sap, I know, but what can I say? I adore him madly.

Diet has been good, but not great. We’ve ordered a lot of catered lunches for meetings the last two weeks, but I’ve been making the healthier choices, so that’s good. Freezer is stocked with veggies, chicken, fish, shrimp and lean ground sirloin. Fridge is full of a lot of condiments, LOL……..along with not much else. Some V8 because I often don’t consume enough vegetables in the day. Cabinets have a lot of veggies as well, some healthy whole grain pastas and not much else. I find that if I keep the tempting evil foods out of the house, then it makes resisting them so much easier.

Workouts have been going well, still struggling with getting up early in the morning, but the change of season actually helps that for me. I much prefer getting up to go for a run in the crisp Fall air as opposed to summer heat.

Heading up to Cheeseland for the weekend, and while I’d planned on a quiet weekend with my nieces while my sister & her husband attend a class reunion, it has once again become full of activities - but they’re fun ones. Going to a baby shower and then the best haunted house around with a group of friends and their kids, then spending some time on my ex’s boat out on the lake on Sunday before coming back home and enjoying the fact that I don’t have to work on Monday.

Life is good.

More motivation, more discipline, more drive, more determination, more IRON!!!!!!!

Tonight’s squat workout was fantastic! I’m feeling excited again about getting off this damn plateau.

Today’s diet was spot on, so I’m very pleased with myself.

I’m missing the man just a tad while he’s out of town, but handling it much better than I usually do when he’s gone, so YAY! for me!

In other very sad news, my brother-in-law’s mother passed away over the weekend. She’d had a heart attack which led to a stroke putting her in a coma. She was in a coma for THREE DAYS in her home before anyone found her. My sister packed up the family and they drove from Wisconsin to Buffalo and got there just in time for my brother-in-law to have some time with her before she passed. She was only in her 60’s.

Be sure to make sure that anyone you know who lives alone has a good support system checking in on them so that this doesn’t happen to anyone you love.

…..and don’t it feel good!

My good mood continues, and the man I adore, I adore even more.

Life is pretty darn good. My motivation is up, calories are down and I’m looking forward to a great chest/arm workout tonight.

Missing the man because he’s out of town for a week, but the lack of distraction only gives me more focus in the gym.

well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you’re free
look into your heart and you’ll find love love love
listen to the music of the moment, maybe sing with me
i love peaceful melody
it’s your godforsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

I’ve finally worked it all out - I think, anyway. I’m accepting that I just completely adore the same man who drives me crazy. I happen to be a big believer in cosmic signs, and boy, have the cosmos spoken - quite loudly and very clearly. Either way, I’m happy for the moment and that’s really all any of us can ask for.

My progress has sucked lately because life has gotten a bit in the way of my very well laid plans, so with the man I adore out of town for the next week it is with renewed determination that I get my ass in the gym and stick to a very healthy meal plan. Best time to get it all on the right track is when there are minimal distractions, so now is perfect.

Skipped leg day yesterday but got in some very fun cardio in the evening - but I’m not sure if that actually counts.

So, tonight will be squats, presses, curls, extensions and, UGH, at the request of my doc, I’m adding in the abductor and adductor machines. Then it’s ab time.

Added the whey protein back in, too. It’s a good day.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Grrrrrrrrrrr……………..

Relationships suck. I’m no longer sure if the man that I want is the man that I need, and wonder if one of my other options would be better suited in the long run.

That is all.

…and holy shit, is it ever coming down!

It’s a perfect day to relax with the balcony door open just listening to the sound….aaahhhhh, now that’s a good morning. And I get to share my lazy day with one of my very best friends, so it’s even better.

I think we’re just going to be rainy day bums today…….putz around the house, watch some chick flicks on the tube and perhaps hit the gym and its lovely hot tub later.

It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
..and I’m feeling good

…better than I have in a long time, in fact.

Just a simple change in thought has made such a great impact on my disposition, wish I’d have done it sooner - but I don’t think I was ready for it then.

So tonight, I shall go out with my coworkers and eat, drink and be merry - except it’ll be light beer and healthy eating as much as possible.

My best friend’s coming down tomorrow and we shall have a wonderful girls’ weekend soaking up the estrogen.

Cardio tonight if I get home in time.

And under every star (I’m finding Heaven)
In every breath of air (I’m finding Heaven)
In everything I have (I’m finding Heaven)
In everything I am…oh

The world is big, the world is bad
But I will find the beauty - I see a vision in my head
I am looking for it
Oh I am looking for it
Oh I am looking for myself
I am looking for it - I am looking for it now
I am looking for it
Oh I am looking for it now
Oh I am looking for myself

I’m enjoying life. Just a simple change in perspective was all it took, who knew? When I stopped fretting over a few items in my life, I became much happier and instead of looking for the conflict with a particular person, I’ve chosen to embrace the joy that he brings instead.

I took a walk outside and just soaked up the beauty of the blue sky, the shining sun and the simple fact that I was out in it and just being.

Tonight I shall enjoy going for a run and inhaling the smell of Fall.

What do you say to jumping off the edge
Never knowing if there’s solid ground below or a hand to hold
Or hell to pay
What do you say???

Today is a very good one, indeed. I’m making peace with some of the chances I’ve taken and the choices I’ve made and realizing that the uncertainty isn’t necessarily always bad. It’s a lesson in faith and trust and learning to silence those little voices of doubt and self-sabotage.

I’m choosing to move forward and leave the negative behind, realizing that I can only accept what is and while I may choose actions that influence the outcome of events, I cannot force the outcome.

Accepting what I can’t change and choosing to pursue the uncertain path holds both great reward and some heavy emotional risk - but I’ve decided that I may as well make the leap. The ride is always interesting and the prize is, wow, well, I can’t even begin to describe how sweet it is. Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all……..a good quote, I’m choosing to love myself first, though, and I believe that is what makes all the difference this time around the merry-go-round.

Had a great appointment with my chiro this morning - and both he and his wife noted that I’m looking better than they’ve seen me since I started going to him and that they both, separately, noted that I appear a bit slimmer. He’s told me no squats for a while and wants me to focus on building "my foundation" with cardio in my target heart range - BORING - and by focusing on my form in my other exercises, along with decreasing the weight and increasing reps. Worst part, he wants me to use the gyno machines - I hate those damn things, but he told me to work my adductors and abductors, so I’ll give it a shot.

Diet’s been pretty decent, but as usual, I can still do better. My next week will be focused on going to bed at a decent hour and getting up early to prepare my meals for the day as well as a morning cardio workout. I find that when I plan my meals ahead of time it’s so much easier to stick to it.

It’s a good weekend, and I’m very much enjoying spending the time with myself after my crazy Labor Day weekend surrounded by close friends and family. I did; however, get to see my mom and her fiance for a short while today as they were in Chicago for an hour or so before heading out to Denver.

Inside out…round and round…..

UGH!!!!!!! Love Rollercoaster would also be appropriate.

I don’t deal well with not knowing how the story ends. Life’s ambiguity has always been a major mental sticking point for me - to the point that I tend to read the last page of a book before the first just to make sure it has a happy ending before I invest my time in reading it. Hell, it’s my escape, I’d like it to at least end well. It’s the same with movies, if I know it has an unhappy ending I tend to avoid it.

Which brings me around to relationships…….all of them. With my family, my friends and the man I adore, the man who adores me, as well as the one that I just really enjoy chatting with.

I’ve taken time recently to examine the changing view of each of these bonds and for the most part the evolution of relationships has been positive except for one. That is the one that is like a thorn in my side, my Achilles heel and a pain in the ass. I find myself questioning if the happiness is worth the hurt and examining my own limits as to what boundaries I’d like to define with a partner………I’ll let you know if I ever figure that one out.

In the meantime, it’s been a great week for cardio and after I regained the weight I lost from being so miserably sick, I did actually drop a couple pounds. Yay me. Eating cleaner and eliminating dairy has been difficult but I can notice a big difference in how I feel physically.

As for how I feel mentally? Ha! That’s another story altogether……I’m chalking it up to hormones and the change of season.