The Best is Yet to Come

Most who know me are aware that I have an underactive thyroid gland - and have for about 20 years. Was first discovered around the age of 13 and at that time I took a very low dosage and continued to monitor it and adjust as needed until the age of 20 or so. At that time I’d been kinda’ sketchy about taking my pills, and told my doc the same thing. He’d then tested me and said I didn’t need to take it anymore.

WRONGO!!!!!! After a period of NOT taking my daily pill I was miserable. I’d had suicidal thoughts - literally wanted to just run my car into a concrete piling. I was working out a ton but not losing any weight. I was tired. I was cold. I was in my own personal hormonal hell.

I went to the doctor after being sluggish, depressed, cold and just unhappy for long enough and had them check it again. Gee, guess what? I was STILL underactive. I CRIED when the nurse told me because I was SO happy that there was a reason for my misery and that I wasn’t actually going nuts - because I was starting to fear I was losing my mind.

Flash forward to today. I’ve been a bit off-kilter from my normal self for months now, but didn’t connect the dots until recently. About 7 or 8 months ago my levels were tested and my doc dropped my pill dosage down, even though I disagreed with it. I’ve not been myself for a few months and have been overly emotional, sad, cold, EXTREMELY tired, having difficulty losing weight and just been overall miserable. I finally had a flash of brainpower a couple weeks ago and made the connection between all the symptoms and the fact that I was more than likely not getting enough hormone again.

Of course, I was right. Received the confirmation from my doc’s office today. I’ve been over the moon since, knowing that my mental state will soon improve - heck, it already HAS! Knowing that my efforts to improve my physique will start paying off again, not being cold all the time and finally feeling energetic, invigorated and refreshed again.

For anyone who doesn’t know about thyroid hormone and how it affects you, it can be devastating. I’ve met quite a few fellow sufferers and they can definitely commiserate with me regarding how it affects one -but one thing I’ve also learned over the years is that unless one has experienced it themselves, they can’t possibly know how horrible and disrupting a little tiny pill can be for someone.

Symptoms of Hypothyroidism - good grief, I’ve got almost ALL of these!
Excessive Fatigue
Weakness
Weight gain or increased difficulty losing weight
Coarse, dry hair
Dry, rough pale skin
Hair loss
Cold intolerance (can’t tolerate the cold like those around you)
Muscle cramps and frequent muscle aches
Constipation
Depression
Irritability
Decreased concentration/difficulty thinking clearly
Memory loss
Abnormal menstrual cycles
Increased cholesterol levels
Decreased libido
Thin brittle fingernails

Properly diagnosed, hypothyroidism can be easily and completely treated with thyroid hormone replacement. On the other hand, untreated hypothyroidism can lead to an enlarged heart (cardiomyopathy), worsening heart failure, and an accumulation of fluid around the lungs (pleural effusion).

For me personally, the scariest factor in this is not only the mental aspect, but the weight aspect as well. Both feed into eachother becoming a vicious cycle. If you can’t lose weight and then eat more because you’re depressed that you can’t lose weight….well, it’s a downward spiral and I really do NOT want to get sucked back into it ever again.

Soooooo, spending this Easter with my 17 year old sister at my 38 year old sister’s house with my 10 and 12 year old nieces and brother-in-law. My GF Heather will be joining us later this evening, as well. It’d be nice if my sister in Denver were here with us, but she’s got other things going on at the moment.

Went to have movie night at the house yesterday and I fell asleep around 7pm watching Over the Hedge. I’ve STILL never seen the whole thing…I woke up around midnight and had no clue what time it was - then went back to sleep again.

I’ve been feeling very fatigued, cranky and miserable lately - and didn’t take my thyroid pill until yesterday afternoon because I didn’t want to take it before getting my blood taken. So, needless to say I was very tired and also had yet another sinus headache. Little one came and tucked me in with a hug and said "I hope you feel better, Auntie!". Then she set a cup of water on the table next to the bed for me. She’s 10 and the older one is 12 - they’re both sweeties.

They got to witness, along with my 17 year old sister) me almost throttle someone at the damn clinic yesterday when I went to have my blood taken to get my thyroid levels checked. I KNOW I’m low and can feel it - I’ve not been myself for a few weeks and have been completely miserable - heck, I don’t even like being around myself, so I don’t know how others have put up with me.

Anyway, my doctor has another patient with the exact same first and last names and middle initial -weird, because my last name isn’t very common. So, problem was they couldn’t find the lab orders and they closed at 4pm. It was 3:15 when I got there……..finally got a nurse to take a look and she told me I’d have to come back Monday morning. Not the best thing for me to hear. I looked straight at her and said "listen, you don’t understand. I KNOW my levels are low. I live 2 hours away and will NOT be back up for another two weeks. Could you PLEASE just look up my history and put the orders in so I can get this done and get out of here?"

Thankfully, she did it. Had my arm poked at 3:57 as the girls watched because they thought it would be neat to watch.

Now I just need to wait a few days for the results, which I can pretty much predict. After being hypo for 20 years I usually can feel when my levels are off.

Ugh, puke, barf, GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I only have myself to blame - was in a hurry to leave the office yesterday and didn’t rinse out my protein shake bottle. Nasty stench…thank god it’s Nalgene and the foul smell will go away with a very thorough washing.

The only bonus is my sudden lack of appetite after getting a whiff of the putrid odor. Ewwww….

Anyway, getting poked in the arm to have my TSH levels checked tomorrow morning - waiting for my doc to confirm what I already suspect to be true regarding my thyroid levels. I’ve been miserable, tired, irritable, moody, cranky, bitchy, depressed, sluggish, cold, whiny and pretty much irritated with myself and everyone around me for a few weeks now. My dosage was dropped last time I was checked, and I’m fairly sure that was a BAD idea.

In other news, I think I’m going to switch gyms. The one I go to now is very much a no-frills, no amenities facility and I only chose that particular gym because it’s where my ex was a member and when I moved down here it made sense to join. Now that we’re not together, there’s no reason for me to stay with that gym and the one I’m planning on joining is absolutely beautiful. Full amenities, much more desirable location, steam room which for my sinus problems is a MAJOR bonus…….cafe with healthy food, an on-site day spa, internet access, rooftop enclosed pool and open sundeck - I can’t wait! I think I’ll pass on the rock-climbing wall with my complete lack of coordination and propensity to injure myself. LOL.

Yippeee!!!!!!!!! Spring is FINALLY around the corner. Got in a good run over the weekend, my shin splints finally gone from the week before. Added some cardio DVD’s to my workout and am going to alternate them with running so as not to stress my tendons too much, tendinitis is a bitch!

Still dealing with some thyroid issues - waiting for my test results to come back - I SWEAR the dosage they dropped me down to is too low - the fatigue and overall sluggishness is getting to be a real pain in the ass - not to mention how much it interferes with my progress. It sucks trying to bust one’s ass when your body is working against you with a metabolism that’s running slower than it should. Oh well - this is nothing new since I’ve been hypo for 20 years now. At least I can recognize the symptoms and usually am pretty accurate at knowing when my levels need to be adjusted.

Diet has been going pretty well - but I’ve learned that if I’m carb cycling, it’s probably not smart to do so when the man I adore is too - we both get cranky and it’s NOT good.

Today is squats/legs - should be a great workout - I love leg day, much moreso than working upper body. Got in a quick 30 minute cardio workout this morning.

….don’t take my man too far away! So, this month kinda’ sucks since the one I adore is out of town every weekend and the entire last week, but it’s all good. That just gives me more time to really hit my workouts harder than ever.

I turn 33 this year on the first of July - and I refuse to start it out being out of shape. With a little under 4 months left before that day hits, I certainly have my work cut out for me. Thankfully, he’s very supportive and encouraging when it comes to my goals - and unlike others I’ve dated in the past, has never said one word to make me feel unpretty. Granted, he cringes when seeing pics of what I USED to look like, but is also highly aware that I will NEVER let myself get that out of shape ever again.

Living on the ugly side of life certainly taught me a lot of very important lessons about myself and others - especially not to take one’s health for granted. It’s also really changed my perspective regarding what matters most when it comes to choosing who I spend my time with. Appearance is superficial and can be altered - but true beauty of mind, spirit and soul goes far deeper than one’s skin. I no longer find myself attracted to others merely because they have a pretty outward package - rather, I find myself looking more for the substance - the intellect, wit, compassion and strength of character. Of course, that could just be old age talking, too…..:D

It’s bench day today, and I’ve really been focusing on form lately - I’m finding that when I focus more on my form and really take the time to do my lifts properly that I get a much better workout.

I’m feeling like quite the productive homemaker - albeit a sore one. Went up to Wisconsin and picked up some of my furniture - coffee table, end tables, granite and iron bistro table for the balcony and some other stuff. The only issue was that the cabinet my TV is on is this boring, ugly pine. The rest of my furniture is a very dark chocolate, almost black. SO, I went and had the paint matched from the end tables and spent yesterday morning priming and painting - now it’s one happy little apartment where everything matches - and my shoulders, back and arms are now sore - not sure if it’s from the moving or the painting! Of course, I did end up wearing quite a bit of both primer and paint - luckily they washed off very easily in the shower.

As for today, well, it’s Monday. Boy, is it ever! Didn’t sleep well - had a very odd dream that turned bad - I ended up pulling out all of my upper teeth from the left side of my mouth, and then realized that I couldn’t get to the dentist, so was trying to shove them back IN! Eek!!!! Yes, my mouth hurt when I woke up. So I hit the snooze button, since I didn’t get enough sleep, got up and got ready - went to catch the train - the train was LATE!

Not only was the train late, it was packed full so I couldn’t sit where I wanted (normally I’ll nap, surf the web or do my makeup - napping would have been today’s choice) - and ended up with a person on each side of me. I HATE that! Unfortunately, when the train is late it also gets there when everyone else’s does - Union station was elbow to elbow, and let me tell you, at that point, I don’t care who my elbows hit - I just want to get the hell out of the sea of people and breathe some fresh air.

In addition to all that, I’ve run into one wall and tripped on something that wasn’t there and have a headache. Good thing my boss is in the same bitchy mood I am, we can commiserate.

Mondays……..no thanks. I’ll just fast forward to Tuesday, thankyouverymuch.

Mid-day update: I should not be allowed to mingle with others today. I’ve now yelled at the two chit-chatty women screeching at eachother down the hall - where I happen to sit. I’ve reamed the sleazy toner phoners a new one for trying to sell their overpriced scam bullshit to our new girl who is clearly a bit on the naive side. I’ve told a new offshore contractor in no uncertain terms that he cannot use the corporate address for personal mail. That, and I’m ready to punch the next person who pisses me off.

I swear my thyroid levels are lower than they should be - either that or I have a raging case of PMS (which i should NOT have)