Gun Chief’s BodyBlog

Well after two ridiculously busy weeks, I’m back on track with attempting to write my blogs and continue to visit my friends.  I really look forward to seeing everyones progress and it motivates me so much to know that other people are succeeding doing this so I can too.  My workouts have been very short (lack of time and energy) but intense so I didn’t lose any ground gained but I’ve stalled and now I’m going to change it up to work harder to overcome it, mostly by trying to learn more about the timing of when to eat what.  Since a calorie isn’t a calorie, I’m going to try and breakdown what can work for me and allow me to make some more of the gains that I was making earlier.  Still all in all I’m very happy with my body and the changes that I’ve made.  This may sound strange but there are times when I look at my latest progress pictures and say "man, why can’t I have that body"  and then of course I realize it is my body and I do have it.   And all the comments I get on here really help me, but sometimes I wish those around me in my life would notice once in a while.  To them I still don’t eat enough and I’ve lost too much weight because I don’t look like a retired professional wrestler or a Line Backer.   Maybe someday they will, but until then I’m very happy supporting my friends as they work to achieve their goals.  Take care for now all and I’ll be visiting each of my friends this week. 

Today I stood infront of the bar I was supposed to press overhead and wondered why was I going through these brutal workouts when the people around me don’t even notice the changes in me or my body.  They’re quick to ask for my suggestions and help with their programs and even quicker to take credit for the very thing I do for them.  I see the bar and I see the weights lined up on the end and as I stare I realize that I’m not doing this for anyone but me and as that realization came into my head the song "I stand alone" by Godsmack came through the speakers, further cementing the fact that I’m doing this for me and noone else.  This bar won’t get me closer to anyone, it won’t let me hold anyone, it won’t let me feel anyone, but it will let me  feel the peace of knowing who and what I am and the penance that I must pay to be me.  This is my life and I will live my life bending this bar.  I stepped up to the bar and felt the cold metal against my hand, the knurls dig into my palms as the bar raises.  I take a step forward and press it skyward as the words "I STAND ALONE" rage through the speakers, the bar comes down only to rise again and again, I feel the fury grow inside me as I press it up. I will myself to do it again and again.  Suddenly my shoulders and arms lock halfway up, it doesn’t want to move.  Thoughts of the easy way out (put the bar down and rack it) and the hard way (push the bar up) run up in my mind, the bar hasn’t moved an inch.  I feel the rage build up as I will not fail, I have come to far to take the easy way, Damn those who don’t recognize me for I do and I am hard.  The bar moved up and kept going until I had the choose to lock out or lower it on my terms.  I lowered the bar and racked it feeling like I had won a small victory against the easy part of myself.  The part that says you’ve done enough why do more, nobody cares about what you look like, what you can do or even who you are.  I know who cares, I know I’ve changed and I like the newer version of who I’m becoming, I know what I can do and I will do it again and again, and I know who I am.  I am ME! 

    I wish I was good enough to write like ninjabill and a couple of others who’s blogs are most entertaining but I lack that ability.  Instead I can only write what I experienced today in the manner in which I experienced it.  I never thought I needed to hear compliments until I got some on my progress from people who I’ve only met (sortof anyway) a little while ago.  They truly are my entire support network that allows me to continue the battle and win with a more positive outlook on life and myself.  I look forward to returning the favor many times over. 

These past two weeks have been a blur, it seems’s like it’s all I’ve been able to do to get my workouts in and still keep my sanity.  I feel like I owe everyone an apology for not staying up to speed on here, especially since everyone has been so supportive to me.  This week I’m rearranging my schedule and I’m going to allocate time to visit all my friends and review their blogs and updates so that I may be as supportive of them as they have been for me.  So to all my friends, I apologize and I will improve my time and info on here.  And I look forward to seeing how well everyone has done in the past two weeks.  Probably more then a few have excelled in their goals and I can’t wait to see who has.  I also miss the conversations (IM’s??) that I have had with several of my friends who struggle less then me.  I also want to get to know my new friends better so that I may encourage them to help them achieve their goals.  Rereading this it almost sounds like a contract and I think that I’m going to rephrase it, print it, and post it so that I may see it every day and know what I need to do.  Take care of those who are taking care of me.  To my friends I say THANK YOU!! for your continued support.  Talk (or rather write) to ya soon, sooner, soonest.