Negativity…I can write whatever I want no one reads it anyways
I’m not ‘popular’, I don’t have the typical fitness ’look’ sure plenty of you are nice enough to complement me on my ‘accomplishments’..and I thank you.. today is not turning out to be a good day.. for me..and why we have bad days I don’t know? I’m frustrated that after months of dieting and months of training…I don’t feel ready …my fitness routine.. I knew what I wanted months ago..but I kept putting it off why, fear..I hate practicing it..because I want to do it perfect the first time.. I finally got a dance instructor to help me..and I was doing good..but its too little to late..I don’t think I will have the confidence to pull it off in a week.. As for the rest of the competition.. I don’t know why I do this to myself sometimes..
Bench, lets start with the impossible.. I am not losing weight.. I look better then I did 2 months ago..but I’ve lost maybe 3-4 pounds.. and I need to lose..3 1/2 more to bench 80 pounds which is still too heavy for me to make a good score..because for some reason..I can’t seem to get strong in the bench press. As I’ve been saying for 3 years.. there’s always next year..but I’m sick of saying that..
Box jumps..I’m getting better..but I’m not there yet..I’m fast..but I can’t finish.. it just sucks that no matter how hard I train at this..I’m still struggling and my body feels like its breaking down.
Shuttle run.. Its improved but right now.. I feel sluggish.
The course.. used to be my best event..and if we break it down..obstacle by obstacle it is my best…but.. I haven’t had a good run ever in Vegas..and I haven’t had a good run.. on the course in over a year(last Spring 2007, was the last time I broke a minute..and my last personal best was.. October 2006!) I know my negative attitude isn’t helping..I train hard.. I do.. but somehow..it never seems to be enough..someone else’s body holds up better then mine.. and they can train harder.. or they have more energy..so they can train harder… or maybe they are just more disiciplined so they can train harder(but..I have my doubts on that one.. I do train hard) I’m extremely frustrated right now..but I have some maturity in this sport and I know a lot of it is mental.. and that tomorrow I will wake up..and I might still be negative or I might..be great and positive.. and ready to go…and that..keeps me from going and buying a chocolate cake and eating it.. and thinking what’s the point in trying.. its too difficult.. the hope ..that tomorrow or the next day.. my body will finally respond to all the dieting and training..and I will get lucky ..and do something right.. finally.. that small hope keeps me going..but getting disappointed year after year takes its toll.. the same ppl win.. the same ppl place high.. for a year I was one of them.. I was top 5 in almost every obstacle course run in 2006, after Vegas…it was my moment to shine…but it seems since then its been one injury after another.. is it time to hang up the shoes, heels and running.. and give it up..and admit my moment is over.. or.. do I take yet another year..and train hard..and put my body through torture and deprive myself of enjoying things like.. Brownies cookies..cakes..even fruits.. and milk.. all to have another miserable.. competition where.. someone else.. passes me by.. and I just have to sit and watch and listen as they give me advice on what I’m doing wrong.. I’m not doing anything wrong.. really I’m not..I’ve been doing this longer then most.. but I’ve hit a rough spot.. and I’m not sure how to get through it…
July 1, 2008 at 8:07 pm
I read your negativity
. Keep trying hard! I’ve been through many times where there have been no progress for a while but you have to keep pushing, keep trying new things. I know you can get through this and make it happen! You are already taking steps to improve (getting a dance instructor, etc). Good luck on all your goals.
July 1, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Wow…You are beating yourself up. I don’t know your whole history but you don’t deserve you torment you put yourself through. I looked at your profile for the first time tonight and holy crap you look amazing.
Here is my .02…If you REALLY want what you say you want, you will do it. If not then you will procrastinate, not get the the point you want to be at, etc. BUT if you take away all the comps and really look at yourself for what you HAVE accomplished, I honestly think you will see a beautiful, strong woman who doesn’t need a trophy or title to see what you have become.
Sorry for the rant…I hope that whatever you decide is what you truly want and you are happy with your decision. Good luck!
July 1, 2008 at 8:16 pm
I hear you on the chest workouts. The numbers just don’t go up, not like you want them to. But hey, we’re not gonna quit workin hard. We don’t quit because then you know for sure your numbers wont go up. Quitting is never an option. Thats what normal people do when they get tired.
Just keep workin hard, and eventually you’ll get there. God Bless!
July 1, 2008 at 8:25 pm
Its easy to blame procrastination…but before you do.. did you get up to train..3 days at week at 5am for the last 6 months? and 5 days a week at 5am for the last month? Did you do an hour of cardio at least a day for the last month..did you eat nothing but chicken..and oatmeal..pretty much for the last 2 months.. UGH! Did you train 2 hours every saturday on an obstacle course that You had to drive over an hour to get to.. and again on Wednesday night.. ? Yes I put off my fitness routine.because I have issues..but I’ve practically killed myself.. for the last 3 years..and I keep getting nowhere.. so.. sure..tell me I procrastinate on my fitness routine..I’ll let you get away with that.. but on everything else.. I’m not ! And I know that much.
July 1, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Sorry guys.. I appreciate the positive feedback.. I’ll be fine..I won’t ever give up cause I love it..but I"m really sick of not improving.
July 1, 2008 at 8:41 pm
Your a beautiful person, and your smile shows you have a beautiful spirit. We all get down on ourselves every now and then but that’s just part of being competitors. You obviously still have the hunger, so it’s not your motivation. It could be perhaps that you are over doing it. Now i do not know you personally, But like many other athelets we thinks more is better. Maybe, to take a week or two off an d just enjoy life may be the solution. You could just be in a prolonged state of being overtrained. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting diffrent results.It could be as easy, or complicated as changing part of your workout, or the whole thing. Either way something must change.
I wish the best of luck in your competitions, and hopefully i was able to help in some way - Later
Keep your head up
July 1, 2008 at 8:50 pm
I like these people! They speak the truth….we are doing this to have fun, the training is hard, sometimes impossible (as in I had no rhythm for my jumps this AM, I just made myself complete all of them) and each time I complete a workout I feel a personal sense of accomplishment….the reward is with me, not in some medal or trophy (obtw, I have all mine back now and they are in the spare room, some are in a plastic bag) they are just pretty dist collectors, but by getting in the car and driving that hour, by getting up early to train when you’d rather eat toast (or is that just me), you are proving to yourself how strong you are. I had better sign off now, get to bed, 4:15 comes early and tomorrow is my bench day….You know how I feel about all of this, re-read what these folks have said, its pretty wonderful!
July 1, 2008 at 8:57 pm
Ok, but hold on there.. Risat.. you constantly improve.. maybe not in every event but in something. So you didn’t have rhythm..you finished them.. I have a bad habit with box jumps of quiting or stopping just because I’m not going at break neck speed.. why can’t I be happy with just finishing them.. why do I have to go FAST too.. but that’s me.. I can’t just finish them…I have to go fast.. its like the routine.. I can’t just do so so ..I need to do it right.. but I’m too embarrassed to practice it in front of ppl at the gym..not sure why I care.. guess I just don’t want to look stupid. I probably look more stupid trying to bench.. yeah.. I know. I have to get up and do cardio in the am.. but I can’t sleep..