A Peek into the Mind of GeminiJedi

That’s been me.  So after try-outs, and being told "Everyone expect to be at practice on Sunday" I get an e-mail on Wednesday saying "Thanks, but play in a rec league and come back in the spring." WTF?!?!?!  Seriously, I don’t want to play for that.  BUT it hit me HARD and sent me reeling more than I expected it to.  I had really planned on playing hockey this semester so for that rug to be pulled out from under me was tough.  Didn’t know what to do, was kind of in a daze….it really sucked.

So I haven’t been feeling like blogging lately either.  School is going wonderfully.  I can test out of a class next semester, finish my minor this summer, and be graduated in May 2010 with that spring semester being only my internship.  THANK GOODNESS!!!  I’m really enjoying this semester.  It’s pretty easy, because I live this stuff (the class I can test out of is the Techniques of Weight Training class) and what I’m learning in class I can totally relate to.  It’s great.

Trying out a new diet thing starting next week.  Trying a keto diet, looking to lean out then figure out what it takes to maintain that, then to gradually add back in carbs until I figure out what will add muscle and not fat mass.  When I compete again after graduation I want to be in the 120s at 8% or lower.  Perhaps figure, we’ll see if it isn’t middleweight building (115-125lbs)

It’s a smidge too warm yet, but the chill in the air coupled with the humidity (ok, maaaaaybe 50% but that’s HUMID for Colorado LOL) makes it smell like snow outside.  If you’re not from CO or somewhere along the Rockies  you probably don’t get it, but whatever.  That’s what it smells like outside *nod nod*

Just got home from the gym.  Yes, that’s our "Friday night date" lol  Has been and probably always will be.  Another grueling night of calves.  They actually didn’t hurt as much today.  What KILLED me today were shoulders and serratus/lats.  So much today that I could hardly lift my arms and a couple times I had to ask my boss to get something from the top shelf for me LOL  The funny thing about that is that she’s a couple inches shorter than I am and she’s usually asking me to reach top shelf items.  It was crazy busy at work (I don’t think I stopped until I sat in my car to go home 10 hours later), so it was nice to get to the relatively empty gym.  Quick workout, too, which was also nice.  About the time the front hit I felt a surge of OUCHIE in my biceps from a couple days ago.  It’s weird, but I’m feeling fronts more than I used to.  I’d like to think it’s just that I’m beginning to be more in tune with my body…..

I’m still on the rocks about competing next summer.  I’m three semesters of classes and an internship from graduating, and if I take a summer class I won’t have to do anything that last semester but my internship, and that sounds REALLY appealing.  That being said, I probably won’t compete again until summer 2010 because I don’t want to be on contest diet during school. And that will give me 2 years of improvements, which is appealing.  *shrug*  It’s something to think about.  I need to get some more info about summer classes and show schedules and what not before I make my decision.

I was thinking about this the other night after my previous blog.  There are so many people that influence me–especially on here–but the local people that I can interact with "in real life" do have a profound effect.

Firstly there is my husband.  It’s all his fault I am where I am   Ok, not ALL his fault, because I’m the one doing the work (though technically, by definition, I do ZERO net work because the weights end up right back where they started, so they didn’t MOVE any distance, so I didn’t do any work by definition, but I digress…).  It is his influence and encouragement that has me in the best shape I’ve ever been in.  Granted I was in pretty good shape when I played hockey 6 days a week, but my diet was crap, so I still looked pretty bad.  I am happiest with myself today.  I realized yesterday (or maybe it was this morning) that I am FINALLY happy with my off-season body.  I know I’m improving, and I know next year I’m going to come in much improved over last show.  I’m finally seeing it myself, and my poor psyche is finally healed and accepting off season physique.  My husband is so encouraging and supportive and takes TONS of crap from me in the mornings and doesn’t get overly frustrated and I’m not sure how/why, but I am forever grateful. It’s really his support that gets me to the gym (or dragging me there, kicking and screaming, but I’m always happier when it’s all said and done) and eating on time and correctly.

That brings me to DK.  She’s my first "tangible" influence to compete.  Yes, there’s Marzia Prince and Jamie Eason, but they’re not local, so I don’t have any real interaction.  Yes, I met Jamie a couple years ago, and every now and then get a short conversation going on myspace comments, but that’s rare.  DK is someone I can text with questions, or get a Sunday workout with, or coaching on posing, or diet help.  She has such an immaculate diet and such  dedication to what she does, and she looks great!  Seeing in person what is possible is really inspiring.

Then there’s Rita.  She’s the lightweight builder that works out at my gym.  Every time we’d be at the gym at the same time, there was admiration for her.  She’s so strong and has such an incredible physique.  But she is a little intimidating, all 5′0" and 113lbs of her!!  LOL  SO I never said Hi or anything until she came up to me a few weeks before State and offered her help.  I didn’t take her up on it at the time, but ended up needing her backstage, and she was there with smiles and help and encouragement!   And when I saw her Tuesday it was all smiles and encouragement and I really now feel like part of the club.  It’s totally awesome to have found my niche, and know that I’m not the only crazy girl that likes to out lift the boys!

School is great after this first week.  I really like the pacing of my schedule this semester.  Eat when I wake up, slam a shake after my first class, plow through 2 more, eat lunch, get through my last class, get home and eat, hit the gym, and eat again.  Work days it’s wake up and eat, gym, eat, work, eat on lunch, come home and eat and sleep.  I feel really bad for my Exercise Physiology teacher, though.  It’s his first teaching job, and he’s a nervous wreck!  He knows his stuff (he just finished his PhD. in the subject) but is a little intimidated.  I understand, though, and hope he finds his groove!  We’ve really only had 1 day of real class, today, and so far it’s been kind of slow, but I’ve already been able to connect class with what I’ve been doing to myself this last year and a half.  I’m in a very happy place right now, and feel that 2 main parts of my life (gym and school) are in harmony.  Now the discordant note is work, but I don’t think I can do much about that until I graduate.  Luckily it’s only 2 more years so I think I can survive.  I am thankful to have a good job right now, and I do really like my boss, so I can’t complain too much.  Overall I would say that life right now is great!   (but that’s also because it’s after 10pm and this is when I get my second wind.  Ask me at 5am and I’ll say something else LOL)

It was back, instead of legs.  This is what I get for not looking at the workout schedule before I do it.  I don’t like to see what’s coming up because then I’ll psych myself out.  I’d rather just be hit with it and do it and surprise myself.  That being said, I did surprise myself and do almost everything last night.  I didn’t do the seated rows because it’s with more ROM than what we did last time and that rocking motion was going to equal lots of nasty, so I only did 1 set.  Pretty much kicked butt considering I felt like butt and made MANY offerings to the porcelain gods yesterday.  I’ve had better back pumps, but then again, I was giving all I had at the time which wasn’t all I have, ya know?  Today I’m feeling MUCH better.  Didn’t get any AM cardio in (convinced it’s the AM cardio that makes me feel so bad LOL) so maybe I’ll go as soon as I get the table cleared off so Adam can use that for his studying now that I’m finished with this semester.

AMEN for the semester being over!  HOORAY!!!  YA-HOOOO and any other celebratory phrases you care to shout.  I am finally finished, think I’ll get a B in my genetics class, don’t care about the others, CANNOT WAIT until next semester when it’s going to be FUN and INTERESTING and something I’m GOOD at so it will be less stressful   YAY ME!

Let me get back on topic just a bit.  The Raspberry Lemonade SuperPump is HOLYFREAKINGTART Batman!!!!  Wowsa!  Should have gotten a picture of my reaction.  I can see the Fruit Punch Blast being really good in a tart Hawaiian Punch way.  LOVE the Arctic Lemon Ice SizeOn!  It’s kind of pineapple-y and not so lemon-y which is good.  The PlasmaJet should be taken no more than every other day, so since I took it last night, we’ll see what the leftovers do for chest tonight.  Tomorrow is an off day, Thursday is arms (and PJ)!  SUPER excited to see what fresh supps in the system do for them   Then Legs on Friday, and deadlifts and shoulder stuff (and PJ) on Saturday.

Got everything planned out for the major switch.  I basically only have the core classes for the major, with like 2 general ed classes that I was misadvised about and the college is NAZI about not counting them *sigh*  No big deal, though, since they’re CAKE gen. ed. classes anyways.  The BEST part is that I will graduate in 2, read it: TWO years instead of 3 or 4 *insert super happy dance here* Knowing that my calc and chem classes (STRUGGLING this semester in those classes) don’t count against my GPA for my internship just relieved SO MUCH!  The only classes that count are the classes in my major, and those are the classes that interest me and therefore will be easy.  I’m about to cry I’m so happy and relieved!  It’s really funny, because I’m hearing echoes of my mom’s suggestion from YEARS ago to do something like this.  Everything has fallen into place these last couple of weeks and it’s really cool to feel like I’m on the right path.

Last night was a "WTF am I doing" moment.  I felt better after the "minimums" workout last night and this morning, but I was still super blah.  I made it through the workouts, not focusing on weight moved or maximum reps, but really focusing on form.  "Pretty form = pretty figure" to quote DK.  I figured instead of wasting my time that I could work on the squeeze and form, and it was pretty good.  Actually it felt really good on my crappy shoulders.  But I didn’t just admit that     I know tomorrow’s workout is going to be stellar!

So I walk out of my genetics test (which I totally kicked ass on! ^_^) and it starts snaining.  Yes, you know, where it starts falling like snow, but is more like rain by the time it gets down to people level?  I’ve dubbed that "snain."  Anyways, I’m walking to the library in the snain when I start thinking, "I’m totally a biology person.  I always have been.  I just totally pulled a 94 on the exam out of 15 minutes of studying on the train before class before falling violently asleep, maybe I should check into the bio major."  I don’t know what I would minor in, of course, but Metro is cool that I can create my own degree ^_^  (yet another point that I KNOW my mom will say "I told you so" because I’ve ALWAYS been a biology person, interested in sports performance or something…sometimes she does have some REALLY good ideas–but don’t tell her that lol)  So I have some looking to do.  I really think that everything happens for a reason, and I’m guessing this wall I’m hitting in chem and this cakewalk genetics has been is a sign that chem may not be the best route for me.  I, of course, don’t know what I’ll do with said degree yet, but there are doors to go through.  I do know that I don’t want to be stuck in a job I hate simply for the benefits, but I don’t want something I like to become a chore, either.  I guess if I enjoy it enough, the fact that I get paid to do it is icing on the cake.  (dang, that’s two cake references just now….)

I appreciate everyone’s feedback and support in my last blog!  I have two others, but I like the bodyspace crowd the best ^_^  You guys are all awesome, and it’s just nice to pretty much all be on similar wavelengths and of similar understandings, vs the vastness of somewhere like myspace.  Thanks and TONS of love to you all!!!

It must be the season.  I think everyone is going INSANE! LOL  Either with contests this weekend, or in a couple weeks, or in 10 (me) and dieting down and training hard, this lifestyle I think is starting to go to our heads.

Add to my plate college.  WTF am I thinking?!?!  hahaha I know it’s worth it, and a degree will take me places, but I’ve been given a 3rd chance (yes, THIRD!!!) at a physically active life and I feel like I can and SHOULD capitalize on it.  Something has to give, though, and I can’t sacrifice work because I need to pay bills and keep my health insurance.  I can’t give school up this semester because there’s only like 5 or 6 weeks left (and I missed the no credit deadline on Monday) so I should just stick it out.  The problem is this:  I know I don’t want to do the criminalistics thing anymore.  I’m thinking something sports performance related, but I don’t want to ENTIRELY switch my major now (5 classes from my chem major), but I sure as heck DON’T want to be in school anymore, and I absolutely DO NOT want to be a pharmacy tech for life.  NO THANK YOU!  I think I would like to do the training thing.  I think it would allow me to focus on my training as well as work and do the "responsible, functioning adult" thing.  UGH!!!  I just totally failed my calc test, and I have a genetics test to go fail in about 40 minutes.  Good thing is I think the entire class failed this calc test.  freaking a.  OH! and my nails were looking BEAUTIFUL and I hadn’t bit them in 2 or 3 weeks….yea, they’re GONE.  Chomped to the quick.  Did I mention my shoot is a week from Sunday?  I want so much right now to sink into a pint of cookies in cream ice cream and retreat from the world for a while.

–Clouds moving in the sky.  I love watching them move.
–I only have a hoodie not a coat…Dang
–My legs hurt from yesterday’s workout, but right where I want to hurt ^_^
–Yay Jamie Eason responded to Adam’s comment to her!!  She’s so awesome.
–I should hit the fitness center tonight and workout, even if Adam doesn’t come with.
–I wish I would stop smelling all the foods I can’t eat.
–I SHOULD be trying to cram more chem into my brain…
–I NEED to stop dream of chem and calc and carbs
–Plug through the test, it’s the only class left for the day
–Why is it too hot inside for the sweaters necessary outside?
–Moral of that story is always dress in layers
–I’m glad I’m leaning out, but holy cripe July is coming up FAST!

It can either be good or bad.  Love the weirdos and all the amusement they bring, but every now and then you sit near someone really cool.  Like today, for example, I sat next to (well, he sat next to me since I was there first) a guy who works for the ballistics lab for the CBI (Colorado Bureau of Investigation) and we got to talking about some of the cool things his group (that he heads) is doing.  While I don’t necessarily plan on specializing in ballistics with a chemistry degree, talking with him definitely reminded me why I want to work in a crime lab.  They track weapon movement based on shells recovered at crime scenes.  Because the violent crimes are only committed by a very small percentage of the population, tracking, connecting and stopping them make a HUGE impact.  He agreed that my biology minor is a good thing to have, making me more diversified, and that the DNA recovery is an amazing process.  What excites me most about that avenue is the ability to exonerate the innocent.  THAT is justice.  He said that right now the ATF is a cool agency to work for, but we didn’t get into details because we were at school and I had to get off the train.  And it all started with a "Your coffee smells really good," from me as he sat down.  SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO this means that I really need to focus on school to get some internships and see if it really is the avenue I wish to take.  The only way to decide is to experience it, then find an area of expertise I want to specialize in to make myself stand out.  :\  Something has to give soon, though, because between working full time and going to school full time and training 12ish hours a week I am not able to do everything like I wish I could.  I would love to focus on school and training, but I have to work for insurance and to help with bills.  If I don’t go full-time to school, my financial aid gets all messed up and I have to start repaying loans already.  Perhaps I should be blogging less and studying more, but I can only have my nose in my books for so long in one shot, ya know?  *sigh*  It’s rough, but hopefully only my sanity will give and I’ll be able to keep up with at least the physical part and grades lol
As for training, today was a much appreciated get-up-for-5am-shake-then-return-to-Slumberl
and-for-a-while day.  We’ll do the circuit tonight and this new torture routine Dear Hubby came up with tomorrow.  Something about 21s…..silly high-volume sets

Something like 5 or 6 weeks out to the shoot, 12 weeks after that is States, and 12 weeks after that is the Carla Sanchez show I’m planning on doing.  There might be a show in June (I can get the time off work if I need to, I just need to know it’s a go), which would be 9 weeks after the shoot.  This means that I have to get ON it diet wise, and get my butt back in the gym.  My head hurts, my lungs burn when I cough (which is less now than it was even yesterday), and I really want dark chocolate covered Nilla wafers and milk.  Or Oreos and milk.  And this isn’t just a "I want it, *drink some water….craving gone*" craving.  This is "the chocolate and Nilla wafers are in the pantry, and there’s milk in the fridge" craving.  Add organic chemistry homework to the mix, and it’s a recipe for diet disaster.  Perhaps I need to reprogram my study habits (which revolved around ice cream and oreos and milk for years).  Ate my chicken for dinner (put some cheese on it to make it taste better).  Hopefully reading the textbook this semester will help.  Do you think that’s why they make us sell our firstborn children for textbooks?

I also realized something horrifying the other day.  Ok, maybe not a true EUREKA moment, but the moment of realization was poignant.  America is fat because the general public eats like crap.  The reason they eat like crap is because crap is cheap and healthy food is expensive.  School has made the crap even more convenient: the vending machines now take credit cards as well as cash. I don’t carry cash so that I don’t buy the Cheetos on break.  I also don’t carry my checkbook with me to the grocery store so I don’t write a check to those brown-vested, cookie-selling devils that are out in force now. My "best friend" (who wouldn’t make time to come out for my wedding, and won’t set foot in a gym because "it’s stinky") complains that eating right is "too hard."  Yes it’s more difficult because it spoils and can’t be kept in the vending machine for years.  Yes, it’s more difficult because more often than not you have to prepare it before hand and pack it and take it with you.  But you know what?  She’s just had to buy new clothes for the opposite reason as I am having to: hers are now too small because of her (and these are her own words, I swear) "ever expanding ass."  I keep telling her to build more muscle.  "I’ll get huge too quickly" is her response.  Whatever.  Our conversations turn to fitness, every time, without fail, yet she rejects my advice in fear of becoming manly.  I give up.  And I won’t tell her "I told you so" to her shopping pal request.  I will just smile, and continue on my way, and remember that she’d be eating those chocolate covered Nilla wafers now, so I won’t.