FitnessDiva22’s BodyBlog

Well the day is almost here, I go to the specialists at the University of Chicago Rheumatologists tomorrow morning hopeful that someone can tell me what is wrong with me.  I have not been looking forward to this day, it sickens me actually.  I have always been strong and healthy.  This past year has been utter hell for me, the last two months really difficult.  I am down to running only two minutes on the treadmill before I have to stop from the excruciating pain that shoots through my legs.  I have noticed it has moved to my upper joints as well and this scares the hell out of me.  I wish this was just a dream and all I had to do was wake up, but sadly its the real deal and I have to come to terms with it.  I pray that I do not have something seriously wrong with me.  I travel to Mayo next month like I stated in my last blog.  I pray that 2010 puts me back in good health and I can look back at all of this grateful and pain free.  To all of you on bodyspace, I wish you and your families a very Happy Thanksgiving.  Be thankful for your health and keep taking care of yourselves, for without our health we have NOTHING,   Hugs, KImberly

Well my year of competing is now officially over.  I am actually quite grateful that it is so.  This year brought frustration and disappointment, but it was also a learning experience coupled with sadness.  The frustration was brought on by how the sport of figure is being judged.  Long gone are the days of seeing leaner muscular girls and in with the softer more curvacious ones.  The disappointment came when I did not place well at Team Universe because I was too lean and muscular and the long hours spent in the gym and the very disciplined dieting regimen I followed did not really matter.  I learned a great deal this year and that is always helpful but I was overcome with extreme  sadness because at the time I felt all that I had done everything I possibly could to get ready for my shows.  I was at 7% bodyfat, I packed on quality muscle, I even built a strong set of glutes from virtually nothing ( I had no butt!)  Sadness because I managed to step on stage with a silent handicap.  One that I kept to myself because I felt that it did not matter if anyone knew, no one would feel sorry for me, none of the judges could care less, no one knew but me, my trainer and my family. A disease I was dianosed with last November, one that makes me live with chronic pain in my legs from the moment I wake until I go to sleep.  I was diagnosed with Venous Insufficiency.  Basically all of the valves inside of my veins that pump blood to my heart are dead.  The blood does not get adequately pumped to my heart so it falls back down into my legs and causes pain and swelling.  In a nut shell it SUCKS!! It hurts like HELL! I had 26 procedures to correct the condition and all have failed, meanwhile I trained between surgeries and still managed to compete.   I cannot even put lotion on my legs without pain let alone squat 165 pounds or leg press heavy weight.   I had to work twice as hard as any other girl because the muscles in my legs do not receive enough oxygenated blood flow or circulation so my lower body does not respond as well as my upper body.  When it came to the day of the show I struggled with water because my legs were constantly swollen and I had to water deplete sooner to try and bring the edema down in my legs.  It was a mess and I was stressed out, hurting, and worried ALL the time. Did I do it anyway?  Hell yes I did.  I did  it because I love the sport and my drive to succeed helps me to keep going to press forward even when I want to pass out at times from the pain.  Am I proud of how I looked at Team U?  Your damn right I am, I looked like a pro, I felt like a pro and one day come hell or high water I will do my best to become a pro.  So now is a time of relection, I look back at 2009 and strive to make 2010 my year.  I have yet another obstacle to overcome though.  Last week I was diagnosed with Deep Vein Reflux, and yes its worse.  I also had a fall the other day when both of my legs locked up and when I tried to get up I fell after getting up from a seated position.  I have pain in all of my joints so I am off to see a rheumatologist to rule out a possible autoimmune disease.  In December I will be making a trip to the Mayo clinic in hopes that doctors there will provide some hope for me so that I may pursue my dreams of stepping on stage again without chronic pain.  You see I told no one of my condition, I do not want the sympathy.  What I do want from you is after you read this take a long look at yourself.  Let this inspire you to live your dreams.  Whether it is to be the best possible you YOU can be or whether it helps you to face a particular challenge you may have in your life without any fear.  For me, these are the challenges I face in my daily life.  I will not bow down to any challenge, I will not stop living my dreams, and I will continue to love the life I have regardless of what obstacles I may face.  Only I can shape my own destiny for my strength is what will guide me. I hope this helps.

I know that we all face challenges in life some greater than others.  Normally I am a very private person and I often keep my problems to myself and try to cope as best as I possibly can.