FitNisJnky’s BodyBlog

So, it’s been a while..I hate starting my posts like that. but it truly has been a while since I’ve blogged. So many up’s and down’s, anxieties, and unknowns that are flying about for me right now. I have been working out, but unfortunately have reverted to my old ways of clinging to cardio. I realize that it’s important to continue weight-training even while trying to conceive. Which is what I am going to do. I did one weight-training day last week, and paid a hefty price in terms of soreness. My strength has gone by the wayside, and my weight has increased. I am still working on cleaning up my diet and really expanding my workouts to include a little bit of everything.

It dawned on me a few weeks ago, that I don’t know how to eat for two. I’ve always done low-carb, high-protein, low-sugar, or no sugar diets. Then I swing in the completely opposite extreme and totally indulge when under stress, in a very ugly way. So…I’ve tried to eat carbs again (whole grain), in moderation of course. It’s been really weird. I’m not pregnant yet, but expect to be soon. I’ve successfully cut out caffeine which wasn’t totally necessary, but it’s given me peace of mind, I drink sparingly, and will cut it completely when I do become pregnant. Eating in a more balanced way has thrown off my weight a little. I’ve put on about 4 lbs. Which during normal circumstances (weight-training / cardio ) and carb cycling would come off in a matter of days. I guess what I’m getting at, is that I am trying to be more consistent and balanced, in every aspect of my life right now. I’m even getting more sleep.  But what was "normal" before totally contradicts everything that I’ve read. And trust me, I read A LOT. Studies, books, online articles, etc. The amount of fiber, and carbs that I am expected to eat, when I do become preggers is astronomical. In fact, it’s made me really anxious, and a little freaked out.
I guess most of my life, I’ve struggled with diet. It’s something that’s been ingrained in me since I was young. "To look good, you must be thin." I guess I’ve been brainwashed. Now, I just want to look toned, and be healthy. I don’t strive for super-model waif-like thinness, although deep down, I sometimes wish I was. I never will be, and I’m okay with that…. I never expected motherhood to bring out my worst demons. I’m so confused and a little nervous that eating healthier has added some extra pound to my frame. I can’t even imagine what pregnancy will do…Are there any mothers out there that had fit pregnancies, and continued to workout with weights, and did cardio despite all of the crappy studies that have been done? My doctor almost had a heart attack when I told him that I wanted to keep weight-training. He basically told me to work on my arms, upper body, and calves..WTF? I will look like a toned-arm/calf beach ball..NOOOOO.
I tried doing my normal step class at a more controlled pace, which was damn near impossible. I did it because I thought I might be preggers, but I wasn’t. I felt like an idiot.I want to go full force, but need to start practicing restraint, I guess. I would feel like such a jerk if I did it knowing I was preggers and pushed my body too hard. But really, after all these years of pushing too hard, what is sorta hard?
Sorry for the negative post, I’m just a bit out of sorts right now…I need to figure out fact from fiction, and in a hurry.