Feel free to hand this blog out to your friends, family and co-workers by (
So I’ve noticed that a lot of people who are wanting to eat clean and are trying to stay healthy and work out have the same problem: people offering them fried crap all the time.
Co-workers, friends, family, strangers on the bus, you name it, if you’re eating "clean" you’ve probably been offered SOMETHING by SOMEONE that is fried, dipped in chocolate, is made of fried chocolate, is covered in sugar, is made of fried chocolate sugar or potato chips.
So I’ve compiled a list of "common courtesies" for those of you who INSIST on asking if we who are attempting to eat “clean” would like some of your fried/chocolate/cheesy/sugared lard.
For the love of Pete, read them, memorize them, write them down and paste them to your forearm if you have to before you get pounded by a carb-cutting, fat-burner-taking, weight-lifting maniac who’s dehydrated and three days out from a body building contest because you thought you’d be “polite” by asking him/her if they would like some curly fries from Jack ‘n the Box.
1. Ask once. If the person refuses, BACK AWAY SLOWLY WITH YOUR OFFERING STILL IN HAND. After a good safe distance (I’d say about 10 feet) turn around and silently walk away.
2. If you choose to ignore rule number one, don’t ask, “Are you sure?” If they weren’t sure when they said no the first time, then they’d probably be in the same sad shape that you’re in.
3. If you’re idiotic enough to ask a third time, then you deserve to be back handed. Once is polite, twice is pushing the limit, three times, well, that’s just asking for an ass-whopping and you should probably question your motives as to why you’re such a masochist.
4. If you actually see the person you’re thinking of offering your crappy food to eating the following: plain tuna fish, chicken breast, or turkey breast with any combination of: fresh spinach, plain oatmeal, yams, brown rice, and/or broccoli, DON’T EVEN ASK. Just tell them how good their food looks and how good they look. They’ll appreciate the compliment to both and you’ve just saved up a brownie point with a person who’ll probably be who you go to for advice when you decide to get up off your couch-lovin’ arse and start living.
This is by no means an exhaustive list of things that will keep you from getting pummeled if you decide that you’re going to see how “the intense guy/girl who goes to the gym every day and eats nothing but tuna fish” will react to you asking them numerous times if they would like to have one of the cheesy-chili-death-dogs you got from the vendor outside your work place, but if you follow the gist of them, you’ll live a…well, not sure if I’d say longer or healthier life…let’s just stick to you’ll survive in peaceful co-existence.
August 8, 2008 at 3:40 am
Great blog guy. We have a dumb ass at work who always brings in donuts and cookies and no matter how many times this dope sees me eating chicken breast and munching on sugar snap peas out of the bag while wearing my BB.com t-shirt and hat this guy feels compelled to ask me if I want some. Makes me want to go upside his head.
August 9, 2008 at 11:27 am
for real, people bring cake, ice cream, and shit into work all the time and i feel like knocking them out!!! do you want some?!! Sure i’ll just put down my protien shake and kill everything i’ve worked for!!!! great blog
August 9, 2008 at 11:41 am
I guess I’m lucky, we have food and cookies all the time, but people don’t try to force it on any of us.
August 19, 2008 at 9:43 am
Great blog. You totally nailed it. I think a lot of the people I work/interact with do it to help them feel better about eating crap.
August 20, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Birthday party at the office last week: I didn’t touch a thing. Birthday party at the office yesterday: I had half of a small slice of sugar free/wheat free cake (it tasted like dust mixed with chocolate powder). This morning I walk in and find three boxes of doughnuts (any flavor/type you can name) sitting unopened in the kitchen…the money I’ve been saving for more hair gel is now slotted for a small yield nuke! (And yes, oatmeal and protein drink in hand, I walked right back out of that kitchen without even looking in said boxes of crap!)
August 23, 2008 at 1:38 am
LOL!
That’s probably about what it’ll take to make those people change their attitude about what a SNACK should be! Yay fer you! ;o)
August 23, 2008 at 2:42 am
Lol,I should this out at work. Especially to this little old lady who asks "Michael you really like eating all of healthy stuff" which seems like every damn day.
August 24, 2008 at 11:32 pm
Good blog !
August 24, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Great blog !
October 10, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Yeah i work on a construction site and get made fun of daily for not going to the taco truck. But hey i will be happier when my body is the way i want it.
July 25, 2009 at 5:26 am
I work in heart of the Italian market district in Philadelphia. I am surrounded by temptation every day! If you want the best, cheese steaks, pastries, soft pretzels, pizza you can get it at the market. I turn it all off like a switch because the guilt afterwards just isn’t worth it.
As for the junk that my co-workers buy and leave in the office, I counter attack it by leaving a box of strawberries, a bag of fresh green beans etc, that I can buy anytime in the Italian market for only a dollar. It was great to see a few of my coworkers munching on the strawberries and raw asparagus that I left there instead of the junk.
Thanks for your cool post.