FeralGoth’s BodyBlog

The "that doesn’t look very feminine" nay-sayers have shown their heads.  Whatever.  I like how I look, so they can piss off.

Lately there have been some problems with my (I theorize somewhat insecure) boyfriend and what we’re eating.  I’ve been eating "my food" (steamed veggies, lean meats, oatmeal, whey, low/no fat dairy, complex carbs in moderation) pretty strictly and enjoying the benefits of it.  This past weekend he made some skewers that were delicious, but we both agreed that they needed something.  I grabbed the soy sauce, he grabbed the butter.  I thought just a dash of soy sauce made them perfect, and he got all mad that I didn’t think of or want the butter, and then refused to eat with me.  I didn’t cave this time (buttered steak would have me spending the rest of the evening in the bathroom, no matter my current food plan) and didn’t appologize for having my own food tastes back.   This started a 3 day debate where he said that he didn’t want to cook for me anymore because I wouldn’t just eat whatever he put in front of me "like I used to".  Let’s look at me back when "I used to":

I was probably depressed, I was down all the time, got little or no exercise because I was sitting around watching episode after episode of anime, or driving around town looking at items I didn’t have any interest in buying.  I was 140 lbs (5′3", 30" waist, 42" hips) and hated how I looked, I felt old and like I had let things pass me by (I lost 10 lbs before I even had the nerve to take the "before" progress picture).  Food was one of the few pleasures, and I would eat a ton.  Mom took some photos of all of us at Christmas and I looked like a bloated freaking pig.  She didn’t say anything directly, but told me that she and my Dad had had success (and fun grilling things) with the South Beach Diet, and here, you can borrow our copy of the book.  I felt like I had lost control over my life, I didn’t even have a say over what I was eating - then I would go and just do fast food because I didn’t even have much respect for my own body anymore.  About 8-9 months ago I woke up and realized that I had NEVER had a "weight problem" in my life, and that I really missed getting exercise - I like being strong and looking good.  Sad part is, he couldn’t see the difference really, I’m not sure if he even likes "lean" girls, when I first met him 3 years ago I was vegan and he had way too much fun telling people that "he had gotten me to eat real food again".   I started eating meat/dairy again because  I wanted to, not because some man had told me to.  The vegan thing was an experiment and had no ethical basis, so giving it up after a year was no big deal for me, honestly I liked the extra protein from an omnivorous diet.

So now that I’m really starting to show some progress, I feel like he’s getting nervous because I won’t let it get sabotaged this time.  I feel SO much better physically and mentally - like there’s a whole lot of hope for the future - and that 30 isn’t so old anymore, and that I really CAN do things I set my mind to do.

Seems a lot of Sir Mix A Lot’s big booty classic applies to me, oh well.  Looking to change that somewhat.

In other news, its super cool to see that there are a lot of what has been called "petite" (5′4" and under) women on here, I used to think that I was some kind of short weirdo.  WHERE WERE YOU GIRLS WHEN I WAS GROWING UP??!!!?  If there’d been more than just me being a little short growing up then so much of the picking on I got would have been diluted, or well, given that a lot of you gals look pretty tough then maybe we wouldn’t have gotten picked on at all.   It used to be a major issue - I don’t know what was making all those other kids so freaking tall.  No one gives me crap about my height anymore, but I guess that should be expected at age 30…

Still studying hard for the ACE personal trainer test - the anatomy section is proving to be challenging, but after I do some self-quizzing and memorizing then I shouldn’t have much to worry about - part of this is just remembering how the heck to study again - college graduation feels like it was a million years ago!

The workouts and new food choices are definately paying off - I wore an "old favorite" outfit to the club last night and it looked great - I also was able to keep dancing for a whole lot longer than a month ago - hurrah for more fun.

Its too warm to wear right now, but my old school bright red stretch knit Betsy Johnson dress fits again - I couldn’t be happier!!!