FeralGoth’s BodyBlog

Ostrich patties and butternut squash cut into "fries" and baked (Recipe from Hungrygirl.com)

Total Calories for plate(Ketchup included): 365
Protein - 48g
Carbs - 33g
Fat - 3g (!!!!!!!!!)
Taste - DELICIOUS, in fact I’m pretty sure kids would like it too, but I’d cut the portion in half - technically I’ve eaten 2 "servings" of the ostrich and "fries"

Just for fun I’ve started taking a local tribal fusion belly dance class… its funny though, I seem to have the opposite problems of the rest of the class - strength and stamina to do the dance moves is not a problem, but I seem to lack the necessary grace.  I mean, the little yoga pushups and ab work I could literally do all day, same with the arm moves, holding them out for a whole song isn’t an issue… but making it look "feminine" and "graceful" is a MAJOR ISSUE!   In the class I comparitively look like the "incredible hulk"… which is funny because I’m not big at ALL, its just that when I move, things are somewhat defined and tend to ripple (which is fine with me, but sometimes I catch people staring).  Anyway, I’m going to stick with this new graceful challenge and see if I can’t make this look right - at least I’ve found a use for these obliques that appeared with deadlifts/bentpress/etc.  Every class seems to be a new way to utilize the obliques - who knows, maybe after a while I can talk some of these girls into lifting weights and we can all be ripple-y together…   I’m pretty sure a built belly dance troupe would be quite the spectacle!

Lately there have been some problems with my (I theorize somewhat insecure) boyfriend and what we’re eating.  I’ve been eating "my food" (steamed veggies, lean meats, oatmeal, whey, low/no fat dairy, complex carbs in moderation) pretty strictly and enjoying the benefits of it.  This past weekend he made some skewers that were delicious, but we both agreed that they needed something.  I grabbed the soy sauce, he grabbed the butter.  I thought just a dash of soy sauce made them perfect, and he got all mad that I didn’t think of or want the butter, and then refused to eat with me.  I didn’t cave this time (buttered steak would have me spending the rest of the evening in the bathroom, no matter my current food plan) and didn’t appologize for having my own food tastes back.   This started a 3 day debate where he said that he didn’t want to cook for me anymore because I wouldn’t just eat whatever he put in front of me "like I used to".  Let’s look at me back when "I used to":

I was probably depressed, I was down all the time, got little or no exercise because I was sitting around watching episode after episode of anime, or driving around town looking at items I didn’t have any interest in buying.  I was 140 lbs (5′3", 30" waist, 42" hips) and hated how I looked, I felt old and like I had let things pass me by (I lost 10 lbs before I even had the nerve to take the "before" progress picture).  Food was one of the few pleasures, and I would eat a ton.  Mom took some photos of all of us at Christmas and I looked like a bloated freaking pig.  She didn’t say anything directly, but told me that she and my Dad had had success (and fun grilling things) with the South Beach Diet, and here, you can borrow our copy of the book.  I felt like I had lost control over my life, I didn’t even have a say over what I was eating - then I would go and just do fast food because I didn’t even have much respect for my own body anymore.  About 8-9 months ago I woke up and realized that I had NEVER had a "weight problem" in my life, and that I really missed getting exercise - I like being strong and looking good.  Sad part is, he couldn’t see the difference really, I’m not sure if he even likes "lean" girls, when I first met him 3 years ago I was vegan and he had way too much fun telling people that "he had gotten me to eat real food again".   I started eating meat/dairy again because  I wanted to, not because some man had told me to.  The vegan thing was an experiment and had no ethical basis, so giving it up after a year was no big deal for me, honestly I liked the extra protein from an omnivorous diet.

So now that I’m really starting to show some progress, I feel like he’s getting nervous because I won’t let it get sabotaged this time.  I feel SO much better physically and mentally - like there’s a whole lot of hope for the future - and that 30 isn’t so old anymore, and that I really CAN do things I set my mind to do.

I was about 17 or so when this was pointed out to me by a younger (and now deceased, unfortunately) cousin - she said that she liked the way my hands looked - that they looked strong.  I hadn’t paid any attention to way they looked prior to that other than growing my nails out to ludicrous lengths and filing them to points.  All I knew is that if I grasped one wrist tightly and held my hand low I could make the veins bulge and totally gross people out at school.  Many years later while waiting to pay for groceries I saw a Spanish tabloid pointing out "celebrity flaws" apparently, they wanted to pick on Angelina Jolie* for her "MANOS DE HOMBRE" or "Man hands".  I’m pretty sure mine are genetic, since my Mom has them a little bit too and the only weights she’s ever lifted have been groceries, children, books, and the occasional vinyl coated pink aerobics style weight, I’m pretty sure that golf and pilates won’t do this to your hands.  So if you’re child monkey-bar addict me or pissed off teenage me gripping the hell out of your bicycle handle bars or tennis raquet then you will get "manos de hombre" in a fairly obvious way.  I like the phrase "manos de hombre" it sounds more exotic and less negative than "man hands" which sounds boring.   In passing I mentioned that if this is seen as a celebrity flaw, then there’s probably a fetish audience out there for it - I mean… people go all nuts over feet… I’ve considered for a few years having a joke fetish website about man hands, featuring vascular girl hands gripping things like crowbars, wrenches, hammers, and other stuff I have laying around in the warehouse.  And yes, I do have a short hand flexing routine… its very very funny, but you’ll need to subscribe to view the upcoming video.

I’ve never seen "man hands" as a flaw, though I’m not surprised that the media has tried to make it into one for us women.  Who knows what they will invent next…  Well, they can kiss my ass because I can’t do anything, and don’t want to do anything about my cool freaking hands.  I can pinch like a mofo too…

*Referring to past Angelina Jolie, I’m irked at her for going catabolic for an upcoming role right now, we need more built women in the spotlight.

In other news PUT THE DONUT DOWN, PEOPLE, this is getting out of control!!!

So, some of you may or may not have read the long tome concerning Crossfit recovery… but I’ve been using what I learned there - vary your workouts and pay attention to intensity.  I discovered that at home I wasn’t really pushing myself hard enough, at Crossfit I apparently pushed myself too hard.  The past 2 weeks I’ve been trying to discover the magic "ok" zone of intensity.   So far, so good - getting results and still getting out of bed and brushing teeth un-assisted. w00t.  Similar to Crossfit, I have been making each workout different -  every time.  Maybe I change up the method of cardio, maybe I change its duration/intensity, maybe I learn some new lifting technique.  If you’re bored with your workout, or feel like you just aren’t making any progress, challenge yourself to switch some stuff up - you’ll be glad you did: Results +  Less Bordom =  YEAAAAAH! (Who said I was bad at math, eh?)  Yesterday was fun - trying some of the kettlebell exercises from Pavel - some with the kb’s and some with a 20lb bbl (to get the form down first w/o injury or build up to using one of the kb’s).  It was pretty intense, but not impossible.  And even after a double cheeseburger and shared fries at Five Guys last night (I know, I’m BAD), I don’t seem to have taken any damage.