Ashamed, but I’m back… Failed again, but going to try to get it right!
Hey body space!
It’s been awhile since I’ve been on here, and a lot has changed. I was laid off from my job, penned another novel and got a girlfriend. But the one that changed for the worse was my diet and training. I went from 262 to 292. A thirty pound gain. Currently I am at 287, but I’ll get to my goal. The point is I am ashamed. Ashamed at myself for letting myself get to this point. I let the lust of Mcdonalds at late night, and other junk derail me. I lost my focus. I lost me. So much happened at once. Problems with my girl, loss of a job, and other emotional things. I turned to the one thing that helped me throughout it all, food. But the more I went down that path, the more I saw the toll. People commented on how I was gaining weight, how I lost my desire to train. I did. I would come on here and be ashamed because I saw people make great progress and I was a loser gettiing fat again. I couldn’t wear my clothes that I bought when I lost weight and I got depressed. But last week, I made up in my mind to go back to the gym and not only do that, but maintain my diet. I don’t know about you, but food will always be a battle for me. I have been heavy all my life. I struggled with low self-esteem because of it, and that sucked. But I am determined to win this time. The bible says a just man falls seven times, but I believe you have to get back up and fight and get it right, so with your help, Body Space, I know I can acheieve!
July 6, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Welcome back! I’m so glad you’ve recommitted yourself to being healthier and making positive lifestyle changes.
Food is a problem for a lot of people, and not just overweight individuals. I’m learning a lot about the food industry and production systems, and no wonder it is such a problem! Our food industry has designed it to be that way!! But anyway, I won’t rant on your blog about that. Just know that you are definitely NOT ALONE with your struggles.
Do you have a notebook to log everything you do? I suggest using just a cheap, small notebook and dating every day like a diary. I have recently found this to be extremely helpful. Log everything you do for activity, and on the back side log everything you consume (food and drink). You’d be surprised what you learn from it, and you’ll subconsciously start making positive changes. Dont’ worry about caloreis, grams, etc. Just log the items and as much of a weight/amount as you can.
And don’t get too hard on yourself. Though you might have made "mistakes" in the past, try not to dwell on them now. Look forward, and go after the great things that await you!
Find motivation and support (this site is great for both of those things), and go get it!
Nate