DumpyMom’s BodyBlog

So, haven’t been working out much the last week or so.  Ended up at the dr & then spent a day at the hosp for tests for shortness of breath.  Was diagnosed with a viral infection that settled in my lungs.  Finally starting to feel better and am meeting with trainer again tomorrow.  At first they thought it was a pulmonary embolism or problem with my heart due to past chemo.  I’ll take the infection any day and be quite happy about it

Had to log roll out of bed on Wednesday.  My quads and glutes were really letting me know they got used!  Abs and shoulders were a little sore but not bad.  We had some Ben Gay in the medicine cabinet so put some of that on.  I remember when I was a kid and my grandpa would use it on his shoulder and the smell would make my eyes burn from across the room.  It doesn’t smell so strong now.  It didn’t really help though.  Oh well.

Thursday my legs were still hurting pretty bad.  Every time I stood up or sat down I made funny ‘unghh’ noises.  I’m sure the person sitting next to me at work was laughing at me! 

Met with trainer again today.  Legs were feeling much better but I’m expecting to be sore again tomorrow.  Lots of squats and lunges.  I’m really liking working with the trainer.  Too bad it’s so expensive.  Hopefully I’ll be able to afford to train with him for a couple months.  Then I should be comfortable with the equipment and have a good understanding of the proper way to do a variety of lifts.  Not that I’m using much weight yet.  That’s ok though.  I’m happy with learning the basics and learning how not to hurt myself. 

Next session is Tuesday.  I can’t wait.  I feel really good when I get out of the gym.  I just wish I didn’t have ‘mom guilt’ when I get home.  Of course if I didn’t have to work and could go to the gym when my daughter’s in school would be ideal - not likely unless I get lucky in the lottery.  Oh wait, you have to buy tickets to win…

Had first session with a personal trainer.  I was dying.  Legs were jello, heartrate was staying up, arms were shaking.  Then when I get to the locker room I know what’s going to happen so I head to the bathroom.  Yep - Vomit city.  Still felt nauseaous all the way home. 

I had a hard time but I finished the hour.  Never quit.  Honestly, I can’t wait until I meet with him on Friday again.  Today was a little bit of everything to give him an idea of my strengths and weaknesses.  I’m going to do cardio tomorrow and practice some of the bosu(sp?) balancing stuff.  I’m actually pretty good at balancing and flexability.  My abs are REALLY weak.  I blame it on my crash c-section and my hysterectomy (both cuts were up & down and cut through muscles) but sitting on the couch all the time didn’t help either.

October 6 will be the 10 yr mark for when I heard the words ‘you have breast cancer’.  Last meds & surgery were in 2005 but I still find myself obsessing about recurrence (stage 3 grade 3 cancer).  I want to be down 25 lbs by that date.  That’s such a horrible time of year for me.  With my diagnosis coming during National Breast Cancer month there is no way to avoid thinking about it.  I need to try to stop the fear of recurrence from taking up so much of my thoughts and energy.  Every time I think or hear about breast cancer I’m going to remember my goal and I’m going to recommit myself.  25 lbs still won’t put me anywhere close to my pre-cancer weight but it’s a start.    

So I close today in a happy mood.  I want to take measurements and weight tomorrow.  My 8 yr old wants to do a pilates dvd so I’ll do that with her when I get home from the gym (help that core get stronger). 

Good health and happiness to all.  Dea

So I decided enough was enough and signed up for personal training.  It’s another expense to try to cover but hopefully I’ll see some improvement.  Because I have scheduled appointments, I won’t be able to blow off going to the gym

I tried HIIT today on the elliptical for the first time.  I did 30 minutes and thought my legs were going to fall off.  After 15 minutes I had to keep making deals with myself - ‘just do 1 more minute and I’ll stop’ and then kept going.  I was surprised at how much harder it was and how my heart rate took longer to come down. 

I start with the trainer on Tuesday.  He asked if I wanted to do free weights or machines and I said free weights.  We’ll see how it goes.  He’s lost over 70 lbs himself.  I wanted someone who understands the mental aspect of losing weight.  I also wanted to work with a male because I get along better with men.  Almost all my friends are male.  I have a feeling he’s going to work me hard.  He was already checking up on me at the gym today and we didn’t even have an appointment.  I like that.  I need the extra accountability. 

For some reason I feel like this is my last chance to lose the weight.  I’m not sure why but I just can’t shake the feeling that if I fail this time then I’ll never do it.  Maybe it has something to do with later this year being my 10 yr breast cancer anniversary.  I don’t know.  I just feel very desperate. 

Started writing down what I eat and trying to pinpoint when and why I hit the bad foods.  I’m also trying to figure out how to get more protein in.  For snacks, I can’t seem to figure out how to get protein without getting even more carbs.  My carbs are ultra high - probably why I have such bad sugar and chip cravings.  I’m not trying to eliminate carbs - just get the ratio down. 

Well, back to researching some of the diet issues.  I get very overwhelmed trying to think of possible meal plans.   

So, I switched to Bally’s after my small neighborhood gym closed.  Not liking it too much but it’s ok.  Too big and imposing.  On a high note, I found out I actually like the elliptical for cardio.  I was doing 30 minutes 3 days a week (at least - did more days when work & home allowed) then got some flu-like virus.  Then I fell off track and haven’t been to the gym in 3 weeks. 

Since I switched gyms I haven’t really been doing weights.  I’d do some machines but nothing regularly and definitely not going all out.  Thought I needed to concentrate more on cardio.  I’ve actually gained back almost all the weight I lost   But my endurance improved.  The first time I tried the elliptical I could only do 7 minutes!  I’m really happy with getting to 30 minutes.  I keep increasing the resistance also.  Started at 1 and am up to 5.  Think I’m going to push to 8 and see how I do.

Now I’m going to get back to doing weights.  I’m still going to do the cardio but I’m going to think of it more for endurance.  I’m going to get some sessions with a personal trainer.  There’s one that I could see working with.  I think I’ll do better with someone pushing me and telling me what to do.  I like continuity and repetition at the gym.  I need to feel like I know what I’m doing.  Otherwise I’m too self-conscious.  I always feel like ‘oh, look at the fat girl who doesn’t know what she’s doing’.  So if the pt can get me comfortable with a routine, I’m more apt to do it on my own. 

I still have the problem where I don’t really sweat.  I get dizzy and get a bad headache.  I drink about 12 ozs water within an hour of working out and during my workout I drink between 8-12 ozs.  Thought maybe I was dehydrated but not sure.  I’ve tried looking at different sites but can’t find how to prevent the headaches & dizziness.  Got dr approval before I started working out so doubt it’s anything medical.  I just must be doing something wrong. 

So, my vacation was great but I got back and found out my gym didn’t meet it’s enrollment goal and it closed last friday.  Talk about a blow.  I loved my gym.  It was small, close to home, AFFORDABLE, and I was comfortable going to it.  Not sure what I’ll do now.

We’re looking at moving to Colorado or Wyoming.  I can’t handle the SE WI air quality and humidity.  Drives my allergies bonkers.  But I don’t want to get out of exercise mode.  It’s too long before we move to wait to join a gym. 

I have to use the light weight dumbbells I have and improvise some workout until I figure out what to do.  Right now I’m going to go hula hoop with my daughter and act like a 7 yr old.

Taking a trip to Yellowstone (first time for my daughter).  Going through South Dakota and want to stop in Cody, WY (love that place!) and Montana (never been there but always wanted to live there). 

Working out is still feeling great.  Diet still must not be right.  Not sure what I’m going to do when I get back.  I lost 13 lbs since Jan 2 but in last 3-4 weeks I haven’t lost anything.  Inches aren’t coming off either.  Discouraged but not quitting.  Hopefully getting away will help. 

I’m thinking about lightening up on weights and doing cardio.  HATE, LOATHE, DESPISE cardio but I really want my weight down.  Also thinking of Atkins again.  Seems the only way I lose lbs is by cutting out carbs.  As soon as I add carbs back in, the weight comes back.  Not sure yet what I’ll do. 

So, it’s been a hard week.  Personal life has been challenging.  Lot of arguments with husband.  One minute I’m fat and lazy then the next minute he complains about time I spend at the gym.  I’m a stress eater so I know my eating wasn’t great but I’m really proud that I didn’t actually go on a eating binge.  Also proud that I didn’t stop working out. 

Changed around my workout (posted in profile).  My muscles are more tired after working out.  I tried doing these pullups on a machine called ‘assisted chin & dip’ but I fail miserably.  It says it’s for the back but I feel like my arms are giving out.  Gym’s trainer watched and said I was doing it right.  Maybe when I get stronger. 

I added squats that I do with ball behind my lower back.  I tend to feel pain in my knees though.  I need to research squats to see what I can do differently to ease up on the knees. 

Working out and being with my daughter are the high points of my life right now.  I’m happy I’m still going to the gym.  I discourage easily and with all the crap going on at home it would be easy to stop going to the gym so I wouldn’t have to hear about the waste of time and money.  We all have our cross to bear - mine is a husband who’s a recovering alcoholic with depression who falls off the wagon every few miles.

Felt really good after my last 3 workouts.  Pushed more weight than normal.  There’s nothing like having your arms start shaking as you push the last few reps - not knowing if you’ll be able to finish.  Mentally yelling at yourself not to let your form slip just to get the reps in.  Get out of the gym and feel like you could rule the world because your energy’s flowing and you feel so alive!

Tomorrow I’m going to change my workout.  Add a little more difficulty.  Have to do more for glutes and triceps.  I’m thinking of doing squats.  Not sure what I’ll add for triceps yet.  I’ll talk it over with the trainer I guess.

Decided to lay off the calves.  Calves seem to be the only part of my body that wants to have muscle.  My pants were starting to get tight on my calves.  My calves were already big.  I want to lean out the legs more first.

Bought a book called "The Eat-Clean Diet" by Tosca Reno.  So far it’s a good read.  I think I’m going to have to add protein powder.  Still can’t get my macros close.  I also think I’m going to have to cut more carbs.  Seems like any carbs I eat - except fruit and veggies - cause me to slow progress and I get energy crashes and cravings.  Stay away from the carbs and the cravings are better.  Problem is, how to stay away from carbs when I can’t make my husband and daughter stay away from them.  Carbs are in the house and I’m like an alcoholic staring at a bottle of Wild Turkey! 

So, I actually can see a little baby bicep muscle poking through the fat.  Very excited!  I think I see some improvement in the cottage cheese blobs (some call them glutes;) ) also.  I’m going to change up my workout next week.  I’ve been increasing weight but I don’t think I’m pushing myself hard enough. 

Eating is still my number one problem.  I need to find some eating clean for dummies book.  I really can’t seem to get the protein in without also increasing fat or carbs.  Everytime I try to get macros right, the low protein just screws everything up.  I thinking of adding some protein powder.  Since my breast cancer diagnosis I’m leery of any type of supplement but that seems safe.  And I am fully aware of the irony of worrying about supplements when what I actually eat in processed food is worse for me. 

I’m also really confused on the whole complex, simple, incomplete carb stuff.  Carbs are ok, carbs are bad for you.  Don’t eat white food.  ARRRGHHH!  It’s complicated.  Do I even care what kind of carbs I’m eating or do I just care about how many grams I’m eating? 

I’ve been really consistent about working out.  I’m enjoying it.  Feels great when I get through.  I wish people in the gym were a little more friendly.  I mean they’re not mean but I wish sometimes they’d offer advice.  I don’t ask because they all look pretty serious about what they’re doing and I don’t want to bother anyone.  And the ones that look approachable I just saw checking their makeup in the locker room before going to workout.  Something tells me I won’t be getting the kind of advice I’m seeking from them