Brains, Brawn and Bamboo

I’ve been in and out of hospital. Again. This time they’re not quite sure why my health spiralled out of control so quickly. Most likely it was an adverse reaction to new medication they put me on, or the dosage of it at least. Adrenal suppression is also an option (adrenal glands gone to sleep). They’re running tests to check out the possibility.

I’ve lost weight, though managed to stay above 12 Stone/ 168 Lbs…just. But I’m wrecked. I’m absolutely exhausted, mentally as well as physically.

I really don’t know where to go from here. I’ve given up on having a weight goal - what’s the point when, with colitis, it’s a good day when you wake up and haven’t lost weight? Why struggle for every scrap of mass when in the space of 7 days any gains (and then some) can be obliterated, all because my unique internal geography randomly decides to have a hissy fit?

I’m not whining about having a chronic medical condition - gods know there are uncountable people in the world with worse things than me. But it is frustrating, physically traumatic, and I can’t act like it doesn’t affect me or the choices I can make with my body.

I’ve taken down my progress photos. They showed no progress, despite strength and mass gains. I don’t want to look at my skeletor-esque frame, I doubt anyone else wants to. Besides, athletics, not aesthetics, right?

I’m considering cancelling my gym membership. Not cancelling exercise, but when I can held up for months at a time with the condition, a lot of money can be wasted with medical layups.

In limbo at the moment. Need some time to think; to meditate on things.

Maybe I’ll know what I need to do when I next blog.

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 4th, 2009 at 12:55 pm and is filed under Training. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.